Your Favorite one liner used with patients

Nurses Humor

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I am a student and I use humor to get me through clinicals. Once I told a patient "This is my first time giving an injection on a real live person." At the time it was very funny! The look on his face and my instructors was priceless!! I was curious what other things people have said or say to patients to break the ice.

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Specializes in RN CRRN.
"I am not really a nurse but I did stay at a Holiday Inn last night" :coollook:

cute! I like the one with the rodeo cowboy and I worked at an H. Inn aloooong time too.

Specializes in Med/Surg.

I tell pts I'm discharging, "I know you love it here, but it's time to go!"

We were in labor and delivery for clinical and my instructor came into my patients room with me to check an episiotomy. We got the patient in the position and we were checking for REEDA and my instructor says wow thats the best one I have ever seen!!!!!!!! The patient replied thank you

Remind me please what REEDA stand for, i've forgotten? TIA

When I have an impatient patient who wants to know how much longer until the doctor will see them or whatever they are waiting for I tell them

"just a couple more hours at the most"

Before doing anything requiring fine dexterity like IV's or the doc doing an excision

"I went out to my car and had a little drink to get the shake out."

When doing a gyn procedure

"just pretend like I'm an old boyfriend"

When they complain about the food

"beats kitty litter"

When my Doc introduces me he'll say something like "just got this one out of drug rehab so be nice to her"

I tell people to smile and say cheese before I press the "AUTO" button on their EKGs.

I tell them to give me a "big, fake smile" when I need to assess their facial symmetry. That usually results in a real smile.

After something unpleasant, like an IV stick or a foley insertion, I can't usually help but say "Now who's your favorite nurse?"

Specializes in ER!.

I had a pt a few years ago who was just inexplicably afraid of her IV start. She fussed and fretted and made pitiful little squeaking noises and finally concluded that the best way for her to get through this was "I'll just CLOSE MY EYES". I told her, "That sounds like a great plan, I'll close mine, too." She sort of started and squealed and said, "Oh, no you won't!"

But it got her laughing and she tolerated her IV start just fine.

Specializes in ER!.
Not used in front of patients or family. Usually sung in the back room with other staff members present. Sung to the tune of "I'm in the mood for Love"

I'm in the mood to stab you.

Simply because you're near me.

Funny but when you're near me.

I'm in the mood to stab you.

Usually, I am collecting supplies to start an IV.

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::roll

I laughed so hard I wheezed! Please come work with me, I love people who make me laugh.

These remind me of a sharp LOL in by ambulance that I was triaging in the room. When I got to the social habits, I asked if she drank any alcohol (no) smoke any cigarettes (no), snort any heroin. Right away she said, "Nope, gave it up for Lent."

For some reason these questions elicit worry in some pts, so after I've asked about drinking, smoking, and drugs, and they say no to all, I'll ask them if they've removed any tags from mattresses or pillows recently. This always lightens them up.

Specializes in ob/gyn med /surg.

before i take a blood sugar i say " let's see how sweet you are " then i say " i bet you are really sweet.". and they laugh.. esp the older people..

Specializes in CV, ER, ICU.

when doing an admission history and assessment with a new male Pt. if the spouse is a little tense. sometimes I ask about hearing problems other than"male pattern hearing loss."

Specializes in ortho/neuro/general surgery.
I tell them to give me a "big, fake smile" when I need to assess their facial symmetry. That usually results in a real smile.

When I check for tongue deviation, I'll tell someone to stick their tongue out at me, then say "I bet you don't get told that very often."

Or else I'll tell them to "stare at my nose and try not to laugh" when I check their pupils. But whenever I do that, I always worry that a big ol' bugar might be hanging out of it or something. :lol2:

Specializes in ICU, PICC Nurse, Nursing Supervisor.

i do the same thing... i also say when letting them pick out their finger to be poked " ok give me the finger"..and most of the time i get it and i work in geriatrics.

before i take a blood sugar i say " let's see how sweet you are " then i say " i bet you are really sweet.". and they laugh.. esp the older people..
Specializes in midwifery, NICU.

OK..not a nursing one as such...but the guy tattooing my back, half way through told me he was needle phobic and hated blood!!!!OMG!!!!!!!, how scared was I???? PLEASE dont pass out tattoo guy...dont want half a symbol on me!!!!!

Didnt go back there btw!:lol2:

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