Funny things you have said but wish you didn't - page 26

A few years ago, I was on the phone with a person from the local lumber company. having in mind to ask if they had any tar paper. But instead, toilet paper slipped out. That remark started the... Read More

  1. by   FranEMTnurse
    Quote from NiteNurz
    This thread is so funny! I remember years ago when I worked as a bank teller we would give dog biscuits to the drive up customers who had their dogs in the car and lollipops to the kids in the car. One nite after the sun went down and it was hard to see who all was in the car, I said the the customer "would you like a dog biscuit for your dog?" She sound REALLY mad when she responded "Thats my daughter!!" and drove away. We couldn't stop laughing.
    :chuckle:chuckleGood one:hehe:
  2. by   GIRN
    I was teaching a roomful of college students in the early 90's and cell phones weren't around yet. We had just purchased a pager to keep on my belt so my husband could get ahold of me when I was in a classroom. I was giving a lecture in the front of the room and had my pager on vibrate. When it suddenly went off, I wasn't used to it and the vibration startled me and I jumped a little and stopped talking. I said, "Oh...that scared me! My vibrator just went off!..." Then, I immediately realized what I said and didn't know if I should just pretend it didn't happen or make a joke. I chose to just move on but my face was so red and I stammered so much I knew I wasn't fooling anyone. But those students were so good....they just struggled to keep a straight face and let me continue.
  3. by   Reno1978
    Last night we had a new admit and as the nurse brought him up from the ER, myself and the other nurse in the area went into the room to help him get settled. The other nurse looked at this 80something year old man and said, "Why is he here?" and his nurse answered "He arrested." My coworker then asked, "What on earth did this cute little old man do to get arrested?" (She was totally thinking police arrest). The RT says, "His heart stopped, sweetie." We all just busted up laughing.
  4. by   oregonchinamom
    Quote from Rapheal
    My McDonalds story. I was waiting in the drive thru a very long time. Had my neices in the car with me. I was trying to be in a pleasant mood and when we pulled up to get our food I said " A little short handed today?" The man at the window just looked at me without responding. He starts to hand me our food. He has a deformity where both his arms basically in stubs. I was mortified.

    Dead silence in the car as we pull out. My neice says "Good going Auntie". The other neices break out in laughter. I will never forget it.
    I read this story several months ago and just about wet myself!! I have told it many times since, always to big laughs!!!

    Thanks for the great laugh!
  5. by   talaxandra
    Quote from Reno1978
    Last night we had a new admit and as the nurse brought him up from the ER, myself and the other nurse in the area went into the room to help him get settled. The other nurse looked at this 80something year old man and said, "Why is he here?" and his nurse answered "He arrested." My coworker then asked, "What on earth did this cute little old man do to get arrested?" (She was totally thinking police arrest). The RT says, "His heart stopped, sweetie." We all just busted up laughing.
    I was talking to a lay friend once about a horrendous new year's Eve - I said "There were eight arrests in the hospital, two on my ward" (it really was vile); she said "Oh my God - what did they do wrong? do you always have police around"
  6. by   puppylover
    Sometimes I think we forget to mention the obvious to someone who hasn't worked in awhile.
    After a nice, long, week and a half away from work, I returned and of course had new patients. One in paticular had a brass sense of humor. All I got in report was he was a mod assist. I had just taken him off of a bedpan, and warned him that the wipes were going to be cold.
    He responded by telling me I could stick my thumb "somewhere" and he would be thrilled if he could feel it...
    It took me a minute to realize he was a para. Thank goodness it was night---my face was glowing red in embarrassment.
    I apologized quietly and went to the nurses station to read his chart....where I could still hear his laughter...I'm so grateful he had a sense of humor about it...I was MORTIFIED!:imbar
  7. by   AR_RN
    OMG! I've been sitting here laughing so hard my stomach hurts, with tears pouring down my face. My daughter has decided that I'm certifiably insane (possible...). Thanks, guys. Being so close to graduation and with all that's going on, this was just the cure for my stress level.

    I still can't top my worst slip up, which was from before I started nursing school. I worked as a 911 calltaker and received a frantic call from a hysterical mother who's daughter had just attempted suicide. I calmly asked her "has your daughter ever committed suicide before?" At least it slowed her down a little so I could talk to her after that.
  8. by   alcrab01
    I was sitting in on a swallow evaluation for a developmentally delayed 2-year old. The resident performing the eval. was very nervous and was known to stumble over his words. He was using a bottle, applesauce, and some fruit puff cereal.

    The patient's mother asked, "How will we know when Janie is ready to eat more fruit puffs?" The resident TRIED to say, "When she's old enough to use her fingers to get a fruit puff." Unfortunately, it came out, "When she's old enough to finger ****."

    The patient's father was a very large violent-looking man. His face turned 3 shades of red and he began to twitch and shake. The resident started to stutter, "I-I-I'm so sorry!" Then, the father started convulsing with laughter. At this point I quietly excused myself and ran to the breakroom to spread the story.
  9. by   Teleflurry
    I was talking to a doctor outside a dying patients room. I told him , "hey doc it looks like shes going to (and here I physcally took my finger and pointed it at my open mouth and rolled my eyes up in my head in the "shes going to croak and die any minute now) He's became so flushed and red, and asked me , "wwwwwhhhhhaaaat????" He thought I meant blow job. Goes to show ya not only what you say but your gestures matter too...
  10. by   meintheUSA
    Quote from Teleflurry
    I was talking to a doctor outside a dying patients room. I told him , "hey doc it looks like shes going to (and here I physcally took my finger and pointed it at my open mouth and rolled my eyes up in my head in the "shes going to croak and die any minute now) He's became so flushed and red, and asked me , "wwwwwhhhhhaaaat????" He thought I meant blow job. Goes to show ya not only what you say but your gestures matter too...
    :imbar:chuckle:chuckle:chuckleOMG... You probley wanted to disappear into the woodwork....LOL... This site is ssssoooooooooo FUNNY..keep them comming..
  11. by   innergybeauty
    I had a patient came in for postpartum check-up. I was supposed to ask her if her breast is having a lot of milk already. but instead I asked her this way, " Do you already have a lot of breasts in your milk?" I was not aware of the question. I was wondering the patient was laughing so hard. It was her who told me about it. we both laughed a loud.
    Last edit by innergybeauty on Sep 16, '08 : Reason: clerical error
  12. by   innergybeauty
    I did prenatal check on my patient. Before she went out from the cubicle I reminded her to drink a lot of water so she can pee regularly to avoid UTI. I was very serious about it. I was wondering why my patient had a confusing look. I asked her what is the matter? she told me " you just told me that I should drink a lot of pee so I can water regularly." that was an embarashment but I was somehow converted it to a funny one. My patient was laughing and I was sure inside in her mind, she was thinking her nurse is crazy. I sometimes say crazy things when I get tired.
  13. by   oregonchinamom
    When I was a new nurse I was taking care of a new total hip replacement. As you know, those patients are not allowed to cross their legs or internally rotate at the hip. Usually there is a surgical wedge between their knees to remind them. Well they must have been running short of wedges that day because they rolled up a bath blanket, put white stockinette around it and sealed the ends with knots. The patient also had thigh high TED hose on. I pulled the blankets back on this totally A&O woman in her 50's to check her pedal pulses and there was the make-shift wedge and it looked exactly like an amputated limb tucked up under her gown. I looked at her very confused and said, "oh, I didn't know you had had an amputation". The lady looked shocked for a second, looked down and started cracking up. I couldn't see her other leg because of the white TED hose in the white sheets. I was so mortified, but she thought it was hysterical and to my embarrassment, told every visitor, nurse and doctor who walked through her door all about it.
    Last edit by oregonchinamom on Sep 17, '08 : Reason: typo

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