Funny things you have said but wish you didn't

Nurses Humor

Published

A few years ago, I was on the phone with a person from the local lumber company. having in mind to ask if they had any tar paper. But instead, toilet paper slipped out.

That remark started the person on the other end's funnybone. In response to my question, he yelled to the help, "Do we have any toilet paper? The lady on the phone wants to know." Then he said, "Yes we do, but it's rather coorifice. What grade would you like?"

I'm a high school baseball umpire. In baseball a "balk" is basically when a pitcher starts a move (any move) and doesn't complete it. When he does this the umpire is supposed to yell "BALK!" really loudly so that the kid doesn't pitch the ball (it gets a little complicated if he does). One day during a Junior High game I was in the field and daydreaming, really not concentrating when a kid balked. I yelled at the top of my lungs "****!! BALK!!!"...thank God nobody heard the first one!

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I was just reminded by another post about something I said that I wished I hadn't but it wasn't really very funny either.....

When I was a teenager in the early 70s I was a nurse's aide in an LTC. At the time we were taught that in order to help people with dementia (then called organic brain syndrome) you were supposed to regularly orient them to reality. One of my patient's started to tell me about her mother as though she were alive. I said "Now, Sophie, how old are you?" She replied, " I am 82". I then said "So, if you are 82 that would make you mother, what, 102? THat can't be possible." Sophie started to cry and say that no one had told her that her mother had died!" But since Sophie did have OBS I consoled her but wasn't TOO concerned. Until.......I went out the nurse's station and told the story to the RN. She looked horrified and told me that, in fact, Sophie's mother WAS alive, 100 years old and living in another nursing home!! Oh my gosh did I feel HORRIBLE! I have never forgotten that and never will. Reality orientation is only successful if you, yourself, have a good grasp of reality!!!! :trout:

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Assisted Living Nurse Manager.

I live here in the great north where of course the snow fly's every winter. Well my husband would tape shows that we liked to watch at a later time. So one night in the middle of winter we were watching one of the shows we had taped. When while we were watching a thunderstorm warning starts scrolling across the screen. I look at my husband, I was very confused and I said "Honey, can you believe it a thunderstorm in the middle of winter"! He gave me this look as if :smackingfWell needless to say when I realized that we had taped this show during the summer I wanted to hide:sofahider out of pure embarrasement.

I have not lived it down to this day!:lol2:

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Med-Surg, mostly.

Well, I didn't say this, my nusre orientee did.

My orientee, I'll call her "Sue" and I were helping a surgical pt. back to bed from the restroom. Just then, the pts. dr. came into the room, and started talking, asking the pt. how she was doing, and so forth, and the pt. stated, "I went to the restroom, but I still feel like I could go again"...That's when Sue felt the need to describe the BM..and before I could get her attention and stop her...this is what she said. "Um, yes, Well, she went into the restroom, and she did go", and then Sue, holding her index fingers apart stated," it was 7 inches, about the size of a weiner and it was soft and formed not hard."

The dr. stood and came over to me...(now I have worked with this dr. for 12 years)...stood next to me and put his arm around my shoulder, and just patted my shoulder. Neither of us could speak.

When I caught up with him at the nurses station, he smiled, shook his head, and said he was reminded of a picture he had seen in an office, of a young boy in a baseball field with his glove on looking at amazement at all the professionals numbers and names that had been there before him. And he gave me a few words of advice...all of which I respected.

Then we laughed!:rotfl:

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Medical Oncology, Med-Surg, L & D.

I've been working in our unit (Medical Oncology) and from time to time we get patients who are confused. One day I was making a conversation with Mrs. X who was pleasantly confused and I told her that her son John called to check on how she's doing. There was a blank stare from her face. I asked her if she knows John. And she said "no." She kept thinking who he was. And because of her confusion, I tried to re-orient her and reminded her that John is her son. Puzzled, she said "oh, ok." And so our day went by, at the end of my shift John called back. When I answered the phone he said "Hi, this is Dan Mrs. X's son. I called this morning to check on my mom......" And I was like "Oh, it's Dan!" Between you and I, I was so embarrassed, couldn't stop laughing in the break room. I ended up going back to Mrs. X's room and asked her if she remembers her son Dan. And she said "Well, of course, he's my son." I apologized for calling him John, I really thought he was John. It seems like I was more confused than Mrs. X that time. :imbar:imbar

Up Vote Up Vote ×
It seems like I was more confused than Mrs. X that time. :imbar:imbar

I am grateful to know that I am not the only one who has sometimes been more confused than the patients! :lol2:

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Med-Surg/Peds/O.R./Legal/cardiology.
I was working in the ER and this man was brought in --post coital cardiac arrest. He was probably about 80 yrs old. Well, unfortunately we were unable to resucitate him. About 2 hours after he was pronounced, the local HOMICIDE team came in and demanded a sperm sample. I couldn't resist the chance to be a wisea** and said, "Good luck. He's been dead for 2 hours. If you can get one then you are in the wrong profession."

what a hoot you must be!! how hilarious!!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
:lol2:
I was working in the ER and this man was brought in --post coital cardiac arrest. He was probably about 80 yrs old. Well, unfortunately we were unable to resucitate him. About 2 hours after he was pronounced, the local HOMICIDE team came in and demanded a sperm sample. I couldn't resist the chance to be a wisea** and said, "Good luck. He's been dead for 2 hours. If you can get one then you are in the wrong profession."
Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in general ward.

nice..hehehe

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Medical Oncology, Med-Surg, L & D.

I was orienting a new nurse in our floor. We were on the bedside and I was showing her how to use our accucheck machine. I said to her "...then it will ask you for a code. Just like this one (6), so you have to press sex". Another embarrassment on my side. In the break room (as always) my co-workers were teasing me all day. I just said "Hmmmm, maybe I need one." :lol2:

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Med-Surg/Tele, ER.

I had a discussion of my plans to attend med school, which was shortly followed by (but unrelated to) a discussion about Chantix with an aide co-worker.

The co-worker asked me a question about Chantix, to which I replied :

"I don't know! I'm not in medicine yet!!", which made said co-worker howl with laughter.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in OB, critical care, hospice, farm/industr.

That reminds me: the first time I ever saw an Accucheck, another nurse was showing me how to use it and not explaining what was going on. I watched the numbers going down, thinking that was the BG, not the seconds left before the result. It got to 70, my eyes got big, it got to 50, I gasped and when it hit 35, I screamed "Oh my God!" The other nurse wondered what the heck was wrong with me.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Add a Comment