Funny things you have said but wish you didn't - page 13

A few years ago, I was on the phone with a person from the local lumber company. having in mind to ask if they had any tar paper. But instead, toilet paper slipped out. That remark started the... Read More

  1. by   MsDolfinn
    To this day I can't say Outback Steakhouse properly on the first try. It always comes out 'Outhouse Steakback'. My friends have taken to asking me to "Meet them in the Outhouse for a quickie...dinner that is." :smackingf
  2. by   Chad_KY_SRNA
    I went to the youth group meeting at church, Sam, my 16 year old cousin was reading away about sin and came to a part that should have been read sexual immorality but it came out something like, keep us free from sexual immortality. It took several minutes to regain control of everyone.
  3. by   bcjams
    Under no circumstance in a clinical setting say.....

    "....But the good news is I saved a lot on my car insurance at Geico"

    bad bad bad...very bad....never again. groan


    Last edit by bcjams on Feb 4, '05
  4. by   TennNurse
    Of all my faux pas', my very, very, very worst was this:

    I was earnestly trying to start an IV on a pt who was horrendously difficult to stick. She was in her teens, and she and her mother anxiously observed my every move. I finally located a vein right on the top of her wrist that I thought might work. In my intense desire to not screw up this tiny, precious vein, I asked her to please cock her wrist down a little. (Does anyone see where this is going?)

    Immediately she hyperflexed her wrist, flattening the vein out, and I, in all my wisdom, said, "Now I didn't want a hard cock..."

    Silence........ :imbar



    Oh, wait, I forgot one that may have been even worse. I remember when I was 14 or so, my parents, my best friend, and my dear sweet grandparents, now both deceased, were at a restaurant. My GPs had never been there before and as they looked over the menu carefully, I MEANT to volunteer the (at the time) ever-popular wisecrack, "They're meditating." Instead, I announced to a stunned table, as we waited for them to order, "They're masturbating." :uhoh21: :imbar I have regretted this deeply for nearly 2 decades, and still cringe when I recall it. My only consolation is that they led such sheltered lives that they likely never realized what I'd said.

    To this day I have to stop and think carefully before I utter the word "meditate". :imbar :imbar :imbar
    Last edit by TennNurse on Feb 4, '05
  5. by   VivaLasViejas
    I managed to humiliate myself twice in one sitting---literally!---yesterday at work. I was admitting a patient who had several family members occupying all the chairs in the room, so I had to go get a stool to sit on while I started his IV.

    Trouble was, rolling stools have been my nemesis all my life, and this one was no exception. You know that sinking feeling when you KNOW you're going to end up on the floor? Yep........that sucker rolled right out from under me and deposited me flat on my bum, which prompted me to yell "SH#%!!".......right in front of the patient and his family!! :imbar :imbar :imbar

    Thank God they all had a sense of humor......I wasn't hurt, but I was mightily embarrassed, and the fact that the pt. let me start his IV after all that proved---to me at least---that people will forgive unprofessional behavior, as long as they get a laugh out of it. They teased me about that for the rest of the day!!
  6. by   Luciole
    My first job after highschool was as a office worker at the main office/customer service area of a department store. The office was situated so that on one wall there was a window opening to the selling floor (customer service, payments, complaints etc) and on the other wall there was a window opening to the employee entrance hallway (for filling change requests and checking stock orders etc.) Across the narrow hallway from the employee window was the security office--their door and large mirrored window through which they could see into my office but I could not see into theirs.

    Anyway, I had a hectic day where I was constantly on my feet running back and forth to customers, phone calls, etc. What made the hectic day particularly frustrating was the fact that I had computer work to complete by the end of my shift and I knew, all day, that I was falling behind. When things finally calmed down towards the end of the night, I sat down at the computer station between the employee and customer windows to finally get started on my hour or so of data entry.

    As soon as I touched the keyboard the entire computer system crashed. In all my frustration, without even thinking, I yelled (at the computer) "Oh no, you B*ST*RD... YOU'RE NOT GOING TO GO DOWN ON ME NOW!"

    Immediately after this the security office errupts into laughter and I look over and realize that their door is standing wide open and the manager and staff had clearly heard what I shouted.

    I eventually changed jobs within the company and that security manager became my boss. Needless to say, I NEVER lived that moment down.
  7. by   FranEMTnurse
    Quote from mjlrn97
    I managed to humiliate myself twice in one sitting---literally!---yesterday at work. I was admitting a patient who had several family members occupying all the chairs in the room, so I had to go get a stool to sit on while I started his IV.

    Trouble was, rolling stools have been my nemesis all my life, and this one was no exception. You know that sinking feeling when you KNOW you're going to end up on the floor? Yep........that sucker rolled right out from under me and deposited me flat on my bum, which prompted me to yell "SH#%!!".......right in front of the patient and his family!! :imbar :imbar :imbar

    Thank God they all had a sense of humor......I wasn't hurt, but I was mightily embarrassed, and the fact that the pt. let me start his IV after all that proved---to me at least---that people will forgive unprofessional behavior, as long as they get a laugh out of it. They teased me about that for the rest of the day!!
    You never fail to provide a funny, Marla. Thanx for the
  8. by   FranEMTnurse
    Quote from TennNurse
    Of all my faux pas', my very, very, very worst was this:

    I was earnestly trying to start an IV on a pt who was horrendously difficult to stick. She was in her teens, and she and her mother anxiously observed my every move. I finally located a vein right on the top of her wrist that I thought might work. In my intense desire to not screw up this tiny, precious vein, I asked her to please cock her wrist down a little. (Does anyone see where this is going?)

    Immediately she hyperflexed her wrist, flattening the vein out, and I, in all my wisdom, said, "Now I didn't want a hard cock..."

    Silence........ :imbar



    Oh, wait, I forgot one that may have been even worse. I remember when I was 14 or so, my parents, my best friend, and my dear sweet grandparents, now both deceased, were at a restaurant. My GPs had never been there before and as they looked over the menu carefully, I MEANT to volunteer the (at the time) ever-popular wisecrack, "They're meditating." Instead, I announced to a stunned table, as we waited for them to order, "They're masturbating." :uhoh21: :imbar I have regretted this deeply for nearly 2 decades, and still cringe when I recall it. My only consolation is that they led such sheltered lives that they likely never realized what I'd said.

    To this day I have to stop and think carefully before I utter the word "meditate". :imbar :imbar :imbar
    They were both good, but my favorite one is number 2.
  9. by   NightNurseKathy
    The Middle Wife,
    By an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher:

    I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids
    myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own
    second-grade classroom a few years back.

    When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that.

    And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

    Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant. "This is Luke, my baby brother and I'm going to tell you about his birthday. First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an "umbrella cord."

    She's standing there with her hands on the pillow and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

    "Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, oh, oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. "She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!" Now the kid's doing this hysterical duck walk, holding her back and groaning.

    "My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man." "They got my Mom to lie down in bed
    like this." Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.

    "And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!" This kid has her legs spread and with her little hands are miming water flowing away. It was too much!

    "Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push' and 'breathe, breathe'. They started counting, but never even got past ten."

    "Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff, they all said was from Mom's play-center! , so there must be a lot of stuff inside there."

    Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, if it's show-and-tell day, I
    bring my camcorder, just in case another Erica comes along.
  10. by   sblanchet
    Last night I took report from a nurse in the ED at another facility about a patient who was on her way to my floor. The nurse said the patient had a "history of multiple suicides". I bit my tongue.
  11. by   LPN1974
    Quote from Rapheal
    My McDonalds story. I was waiting in the drive thru a very long time. Had my neices in the car with me. I was trying to be in a pleasant mood and when we pulled up to get our food I said " A little short handed today?" The man at the window just looked at me without responding. He starts to hand me our food. He has a deformity where both his arms basically in stubs. I was mortified.

    Dead silence in the car as we pull out. My neice says "Good going Auntie". The other neices break out in laughter. I will never forget it.

    Poor guy. It's funny but it isn't.
  12. by   NJRNin06
    HAHA, I used to work in a pharmacy, and this one night we were extremely busy, going from one customer to the next. So without even looking up I ask the next one in line if I could help them...she replied "Trojans", and I immediately answer "yes they're over there on the wall", which promted her to reply "No, thats my last name, Im here to pick up my prescription!" I couldnt control myself, all the people in line heard that conversation and tried to hold back the laughter until she left! :chuckle
  13. by   blue heron
    Quote from danaRN2b
    I worked at Hardee's (fast food) when I was in high school. One shift, when I was working drive-through, a man ordered a hot fudge sundae. I asked him if he needed nuts..."No thanks, I already have some," he replied, without missing a beat. :imbar I'm blushing just recounting the story... :chuckle
    Last night at bed time, I picked up an object off of my hubby's night stand and asked what it was (he is a power engineer and has all sorts af weird stuff around). He replied "a nut". "funny looking nut" says I replacing it, then notice a second one and say "oh you have two". I was half way to the door when I realized why he was trying not to laugh!!!! :smackingf

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