Funny things you have said but wish you didn't

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A few years ago, I was on the phone with a person from the local lumber company. having in mind to ask if they had any tar paper. But instead, toilet paper slipped out.

That remark started the person on the other end's funnybone. In response to my question, he yelled to the help, "Do we have any toilet paper? The lady on the phone wants to know." Then he said, "Yes we do, but it's rather coorifice. What grade would you like?"

Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..
Ok....so this isn't one that I said, but was told to me by one of the docs (We'll call him Joe) at work yesterday.....I swear I laughed so hard I almost peed myself! It was too good not to share!

Joe was involved in the care of a trauma patient that had come into the ER. Well, apparently they were about to do a rectal exam. The resident (not the same doc as the one telling the story) that was going to do it meant to say "You're gonna feel some pressure in your rectum"..........instead it came out "You're gonna feel my member in your rectum". :imbar :rotfl: :roll

Apparently everyone heard it and they were laughing hysterically.....he was so embarassed, he just turned around and walked out of the room!

:rotfl: Bwaaaaa,:rotfl: hahahahaha!:rotfl: Poor guy will probably never live that one down. :rotfl:
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Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..
Ok....so this isn't one that I said, but was told to me by one of the docs (We'll call him Joe) at work yesterday.....I swear I laughed so hard I almost peed myself! It was too good not to share!

Joe was involved in the care of a trauma patient that had come into the ER. Well, apparently they were about to do a rectal exam. The resident (not the same doc as the one telling the story) that was going to do it meant to say "You're gonna feel some pressure in your rectum"..........instead it came out "You're gonna feel my member in your rectum". :imbar :rotfl: :roll

Apparently everyone heard it and they were laughing hysterically.....he was so embarassed, he just turned around and walked out of the room!

:rotfl: Bwaaaaa,:rotfl: hahahahaha!:rotfl: Poor guy will probably never live that one down. :rotfl:
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Working in LTC doesnt offer too many interesting slip-ups, but recently we had a woman admitted with "extreme psychosis".

Reading through her chart to learn more about her, I came across the physician report of his initial examination.

Chief concern: "This is bullsh*t."

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This one happened to a friend of mine:

She was encouraged a laboring hispanic woman to push by stating...loudly and clearly Puta! Puta! Puta!

The doctor let this go on for a little while but eventually she looked up and calmly stated "Kathy, I think the patient might push more effectively if you stop calling her a WHORE!"

Puta means whore or prostitute. Puja means push!!!

She has never lived this one down! :rotfl:

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Specializes in Neurology, Neurosurgerical & Trauma ICU.
This one happened to a friend of mine:

She was encouraged a laboring hispanic woman to push by stating...loudly and clearly Puta! Puta! Puta!

The doctor let this go on for a little while but eventually she looked up and calmly stated "Kathy, I think the patient might push more effectively if you stop calling her a WHORE!"

Puta means whore or prostitute. Puja means push!!!

She has never lived this one down! :rotfl:

LMAO!!! That is too funny! :roll

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Specializes in Women's health & post-partum.

I accosted a man with a full black beard at the nurses' station one o'dark thirty, asking what he was doing there in the middle of the night (this was in the days before families stayed and stayed and stayed--). He was quite insulted. It was one of the 3rd year residents. I hadn't seen him for a year and had NEVER seen him with all that hair on his face!

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Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..
This one happened to a friend of mine:

She was encouraged a laboring hispanic woman to push by stating...loudly and clearly Puta! Puta! Puta!

The doctor let this go on for a little while but eventually she looked up and calmly stated "Kathy, I think the patient might push more effectively if you stop calling her a WHORE!"

Puta means whore or prostitute. Puja means push!!!

She has never lived this one down! :rotfl:

I agree with neuroICURN:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: I don't doubt that one bit.:rotfl: :rotfl:
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I live in VA and was in KY for a few days. I called my cell phone company to make sure that I was not being charged for roaming. When the customer service rep answered the phone I asked her' "yes, I was wondering if you could tell me if I am in roam or not?" After I said it she paused for a moment and I realized what she must have been thinking. I quickly said, "I know I'm not in Rome. I'm just wanting to make sure that I'm not being charged for roaming!" We both got a big laugh out of it!

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LMAO!!! That is too funny! :roll

Maybe the hispanic woman would have liked

to learn some English while she was in labor.

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In this particular unit we usually gave a taped end of shift report, but it wasn't unusual to give an oral report, need be.

The one male nurse in the unit was due to tape. I found where he was and opened the door to the patients room and asked him, as he was holding the male patients "urethra" in his hand and ready to insert a foley cath, "Are you giving oral?" :uhoh21: :imbar :eek:

ROFL excellent.. sounds like something I would say! :rotfl: :chuckle :rotfl:

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i work part time at a family practice office when i'm not working 12 hr shifts on our med/surg floor. well last month i put my foot in my mouth. after talking to a pt about the daily wts he was supposed to bring to the appt. and all the teaching i personal had done with this newly diagnosed chf-er he proceded to tell me that no one had told him any of these things when he was in the hospital. i told him i had twice. he of course said it must have been when he was really sick. i said -- no, it was the night before you went home. you were watching wheel of fortune when you turned off the tv to listen to me....anyway before the doc went in he asked me if the pt brought his wts with hime (knowing this doc he heard me talking to the pt.) i told him a brief run down and finished the story with ...."i work over at the hospital and here.....these pt's aren't going to get away with telling these stories now since i'm here and i go both ways"

the doc, who is a real joker just looked thoughtful and said, "um...you go both ways" with completely a straight face, and walked away with me sputtering a correction. :imbar

then last time i worked there was this skinny rail of a pt. she was about 6'0". after putting her in a room i came out and we were talking and i said my wt would look alot better if i were that tall...."boy, do you know what i could do with an extra 5-7 inches." :nono: the nurse sitting next to me couldn't quit laughing......i finally got the joke. luckily the "joker" was in with a pt.

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Specializes in medical with other stuff chucked in!.

i was looking after a lady with bilateral above knee amputations. As we were getting into the lift, she run over my foot with her electric wheelchair. She apoligized, but i replied "it's ok, i've got another one", she looked at me and said "i wish i did!!!!!" Thankfully she saw the funny side, but i felt awful.

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