Dave Barry's Colonoscopy

hubby had his last yr.
he was knocked out too.

leslie

"Better living through chemistry!"

I had a colonoscopy in January to rule out Crohn's disease. Everyone I know who's had one told me "the prep is worse than the exam" so I was dreading it. I had to buy a bottle of Miralax at Walgreen's, dissolve it in 2 gallons of any clear beverage (I chose lemon-lime Gatorade), and drink 8 ounces every 15 minutes until it was gone. By the time the Miralax started working, I'd been on clear liquids for nearly 24 hours so everything that came out was liquid--not the greatest, but not nearly as bad as I had been imagining. My biggest problem was that my buttocks got sore from prolonged contact with the toilet seat! The scope itself wasn't bad at all. I don't remember exactly what drugs I was given, I'm pretty sure I got Versed and something else, but I was off in la-la-land for most of the procedure. I woke up at one point and saw the monitor, and I remember asking the nurse "Is it okay if I watch that?" but then I went back to sleep. Apparently at one point I was babbling about Queen because 'Bohemian Rhapsody' was on the radio in the room...I guess I told everyone that they're my favorite band, I have all their albums, and then waxed eloquent about the problems they had recording 'Bohemian Rhapsody' and making 3 guys sound like 300...I hope they were amused. Then when I got into recovery my husband was waiting for me with a box of lemon-filled Paczki, so I didn't need the hospital crackers and juice. Plus I found out I don't have Crohn's disease, so all in all it was a good experience.

Oh god - I have had 3 colonoscopies - all when I was 11 due to some intestinal issues. I was given sedation, but the first time, it was not enough - I remembered the whole thing (My mom said if she had been given what I had been given, they would have had to "scrape her off the floor with a pancake flipper")

I do love Dave Barry's column though - he is HILARIOUS - one of the few authors that actually makes me laugh out loud.... Thanks for posting this!

Good for you, BlueRidge......you're a far braver soul than I am! I'll hit the big Five-O in January, and my doctor has already gotten after me to have it done. I told him to go soak his head.

I just had my second one & frankly, after watching my Mom die of colon cancer, I'd do it yearly, happily, if I knew it would save me from that kind of death. Puking feces is not fun!

Drinking that much laxative is unbelievable. I had to drink 2 doses of Fleet Phospho-soda mixed with 4 oz of fluid. That was bad enough but it sure did the trick.

I occassionally fill in for a GI nurse. As a matter of fact, going there tomorrow afternoon. I think I'll print this out for her. She'll get a kick out of it.
Dixie

I'm waiting for the GI dept in my HMO to call me back for my "routine" colonoscopy--it'll be my second one. I agree it's much easier than a sigmoidoscopy. I don't know what sedation they gave me other than demerol (and I discovered that I'm allergic to it!--fortunately just a rash that time). It's important to me, because 2 of my mother's siblings died of colon cancer and they did find a polyp with my sigmoidoscopy.

I particularly liked "at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet."

I'm not looking forward to having a scope either, but it's better than the alternative.

Lol!!