Why so nasty? - page 2
I met my new preceptor today and she didn't make the slightest effort to hide her contempt for me. As soon as she strolled in to take report (late) she rolled her eyes at me and refused to... Read More
4Jun 22, '11 by Bortaz, RN, ADNQuote from digitiminimiBecause they are allowed to.I really don't understand why so many nurses act like that!!
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1Jun 22, '11 by caliotter3It could be that this is just how she is. I have worked in places that had some gems like this. One LVN loudly stated, "I don't orient RNs!", when she found out she was supposed to orient a new RN. She treated the RN like crap and the new nurse didn't even stay a week. Mission accomplished. This woman was nasty and management allowed her to act that way.
Quote from Bortaz, RNBecause they are allowed to.
3Jun 22, '11 by carolmaccas66I'm going to tell you a story, so get comfy in your chair or at the table, go get a cup of coffee, and we will start:
I used to work hospitality trying to get my way thru school. I did many, many c****y and low paid jobs, but got thru study. Anyway, in the hotel I worked at we had this really badly dressed, mean, disgusting, foul-mouthed woman who used to come in and was rude and disrepectful every, single time, I mean, she used to call us c***s!! No matter how much we complained, she was never banned cos I worked in a small town and the hotels were jostling for business, so this unacceptable behaviour was discreetly ignored. Needless to say, this woman was an alcoholic, hooked on gambling and smoked non-stop (this is typical of many people in this town). Gambling and hanging in hotels day & night was her thing (the small town I'm in encourages this - and drinking - as gambling brings in a LOT of much needed revenue to the town) - but that's a WHOLE nother story (and argument if you want one!)
Well, one day I was talking to my niece who works in a local supermarket. I was whingeing re this woman and my niece said: 'Does she look such and such?' and described her appearance to a tee. I said yeah that must be her. She said: 'Well she comes into the shop here and abuses everyone, demands this & that, etc - very bad behaviour!' Then I went to the bank and saw a friend there and complained re this woman - my bank friend described her to a tee and said how rude this woman was, abused everyone, etc, etc. Then I went out for a drink with my Mum that night, and a guy I knew said that same woman went to HIS hotel, and did the same thing to them! She got away with it everywhere!
The point I'm making is, this preceptor is probably unhappy with her life all the time and goes around everywhere making people's lives a misery, not just you at work. Some people LOVE making others feel uncomfortable - you are the newbie, so why not? Well, here's what I did to try & deal with it:
When I had a preceptor who obviously loathed me, I confronted her in private (never in public),and asked her did she hate me? She said yes, she didn't like me but tried to always be fair. However, I pointed out she gave me VERY unfair reports which other managers/senior nurses did not agree with - she changed all their good ratings to 'needs support all the time; is too dependent' etc.
I asked her why she so hated me. She'd HEARD a few things about me - which were untrue - so I corrected her right away - and she said a few other things I can't remember now. (She probably hated me cos I don't stand for any BS from anyone). Well, I blatantly told her if she discriminated against me and didn't pass me, I would make a formal complaint to the university and I would have other people as witnesses to discredit her unfair assessments of me (which was the complaint policy protocol of the uni at the time). I told her I thought she was unduly stressed due to not having enough babysitters for her kids (true), and that she needed to get her personal life and problems sorted out - and not to take them out on me. I was VERY frank towards her. After that, guess what? I passed, and didn't have any problems with her again.
Sometimes the only way to get something done is to get it out in the open and confront her. Act tough & tell her you won't be putting up with any BS - make that clear from the get go - and she will respect you more. Tell her straight you WILL make a formal complaint and follow the hospital's rules re complaint procedures. If she gets too many complaints, she may be scared she will lose her position, so she should change. If she doesn't, I'd still complian and ask for another preceptor, as far as I'm aware, you can do that.
Good luck and let us know what happens!!
1Jun 22, '11 by NurseLoveJoy88I had the same thing happen to me last week. My orientation has sucked over all. I swear this so called preceptor is bi-polar !
3Jun 22, '11 by belgarionWell I guess you could try to cozy up to her by offering to get her ride out of the broom closet at quitting time.
2Jun 22, '11 by Lovely_RNThanks for all the support fellow and future nurses. I really needed it last night. I kept a stiff upper lip at work and I thought I shook it off but after I read what I wrote I got a little teary-eyed because, my feelings were hurt. Today was a better day though...she still showed up (late) with a funky attitude, didn't say good morning, and wouldn't acknowledge me until report was done....after she had a few sips of her coffee. As the day progressed she warmed up a bit and even gave me a compliment in between her instructions/critiquing. At the end of the day she pulled me to the side and told me to not mind how she acts in the morning and even gave me some good feedback. I still don't think it's appropriate to act that way at work regardless of whether you're a morning person or whatever your issue is but I'll take it. As long as I know it's not me then I can cope. Maybe it really is like carolmaccas66 wrote...she's probably just nasty to everyone.
3Jun 22, '11 by TheCommuter, BSN, RN Senior ModeratorQuote from Lovely_RNThis might be true, but people with nasty attitudes should not be assigned the preceptor role. Newer nurses with thinner skin and a weaker sense of self might be driven away from the hospital forever after one encounter with people like her....she's probably just nasty to everyone.
4Jun 22, '11 by ~Mi Vida Loca~RNI say you throw down your clipboard and stethoscope, take out the earrings and say "Look B, you gotta problem with me? We can take this down to the ED if you like"
Ok probably not a good idea and just my hood background coming out, but seriously is June like Preceptor from heck month? I start my first floor shift in a week and I hope it goes well.
1Jun 25, '11 by Lovely_RNIt's been a week and I'm ready to request a different preceptor. I really want to make the most out of the orientation and I don't need to be distracted by a lack of professionalism and basic manners. The day after we had our talk wasn't any better than the previous days. I don't need to waste time trying to smooth things over and walk on eggshells when I didn't do anything in the first place. I had another nurse assigned to me on " nurse cranky's"day off and I learned more with her than I did with "cranky" all week long. I think she is deliberately withholding important information from me and I don't trust her; so I hope i'm allowed to switch. If my manager doesn't support me i'm going to HR to transfer. I don't want to work on a unit where someone like her is allowed to torment people who never did anything to her.
2Jun 25, '11 by Nascar nurse, ASN, RNI just want to caution you as there are "politics" involved in the nursing world and as a newbie you may not be thinking about this part of it.
1. This person that you may think is so awful (and I am not saying she isn't) may be the supervisiors shining star
2. How likely is it that you will even be eligible for a transfer? Is there even another opening available to transfer to?
3. What is the chances that HR will look at you as the problem, even if you're really not. After all, you are the new guy.
4. How long is orientation? Even if unpleasant, it will come to an end. You possibly may be better off just to shut up, learn all you can and count the days until you are off orientation. Nope, this is not fair, but as you know life is not fair.
Of course you can do what you need to do, but I have seen this kind of thing backfire too many times. Just my $0.02
1Jun 30, '11 by TheCommuter, BSN, RN Senior ModeratorQuote from Nascar nurseAlthough the OP is a newbie to this organization, she is not exactly a brand new nurse. She's got several years of nursing experience, had a previous career as a schoolteacher, and has probably seen office politics, favoritism, nepotism, and other things unfold in the working world.I just want to caution you as there are "politics" involved in the nursing world and as a newbie you may not be thinking about this part of it.
2Jun 30, '11 by Five&Two Will DoQuote from Lovely_RNI feel bad for you and I am sure that work is hard right now. I transferred to this ICU in November and I certainly know that I was nervous and am grateful that my preceptor was the opposite of what you describe. All I can say is DON'T YOU DARE QUIT! Don't let some pain in the glut run you off! There are a couple of nurses here that have that same kind of attitude. I ignored them. If my preceptor did not want to help me or have me around, I would definately have asked him ***! Not only that I would learn from the others. I was not brand new when I came here either, just new to critical care. I would ask my NM if I could work with somebody else for a while to "see different styles of nursing" since we all have our own that is. Anything but to give up. It sucks now, but one day you will be the preceptor and give another nurse so much better an experience for what you are going through now.It's been a week and I'm ready to request a different preceptor. I really want to make the most out of the orientation and I don't need to be distracted by a lack of professionalism and basic manners. The day after we had our talk wasn't any better than the previous days. I don't need to waste time trying to smooth things over and walk on eggshells when I didn't do anything in the first place. I had another nurse assigned to me on " nurse cranky's"day off and I learned more with her than I did with "cranky" all week long. I think she is deliberately withholding important information from me and I don't trust her; so I hope i'm allowed to switch. If my manager doesn't support me i'm going to HR to transfer. I don't want to work on a unit where someone like her is allowed to torment people who never did anything to her.
1Jun 30, '11 by blueheavenI don't know about her getting all nice after a while. I had a preceptor from hell when I came to the hospital I work at now. She acted like I was stupid and I really think it had to do with my original state of origin. Never mind that I came from a sister hospital and had multiple years experience. She precepted another nurse and REALLY gave her a rough time. The new nurse almost lost her position over this cranky old bag. Thank God she retired!!!