Why so nasty?

[Lovely_RN]

I met my new preceptor today and she didn't make the slightest effort to hide her contempt for me. As soon as she strolled in to take report (late) she rolled her eyes at me and refused to acknowledge my presence. No lie. One or two of the other nurses gave me looks of pity and the rest just snickered/giggled and made rude comments. After three jobs in nursing I've developed very thick skin. I know that I'm at work to work and not to make friends but is having manners and showing your fellow human even a tiny bit of compassion a crime? No matter how long you've been a nurse the first day on a new unit/job is always tough. I wasn't expecting her to embrace me and offer to take me out to lunch but a returned good morning or even a why don't you listen in on report and then we will talk later or something along those lines been too much? All day she was tight lipped and very short with me but was friendly with most of the other staff. I say most because there were a few that she didn't like and she didn't try to hide it but I can't imagine what I did other than show up today. I can't wait till orientation is over...the next couple of weeks are going to stink.

[Five&Two Will Do]

It's been a week and I'm ready to request a different preceptor. I really want to make the most out of the orientation and I don't need to be distracted by a lack of professionalism and basic manners. The day after we had our talk wasn't any better than the previous days. I don't need to waste time trying to smooth things over and walk on eggshells when I didn't do anything in the first place. I had another nurse assigned to me on " nurse cranky's"day off and I learned more with her than I did with "cranky" all week long. I think she is deliberately withholding important information from me and I don't trust her; so I hope i'm allowed to switch. If my manager doesn't support me i'm going to HR to transfer. I don't want to work on a unit where someone like her is allowed to torment people who never did anything to her.

I feel bad for you and I am sure that work is hard right now. I transferred to this ICU in November and I certainly know that I was nervous and am grateful that my preceptor was the opposite of what you describe. All I can say is DON'T YOU DARE QUIT! Don't let some pain in the glut run you off! There are a couple of nurses here that have that same kind of attitude. I ignored them. If my preceptor did not want to help me or have me around, I would definately have asked him ***! Not only that I would learn from the others. I was not brand new when I came here either, just new to critical care. I would ask my NM if I could work with somebody else for a while to "see different styles of nursing" since we all have our own that is. Anything but to give up. It sucks now, but one day you will be the preceptor and give another nurse so much better an experience for what you are going through now.:)

[blueheaven]

I don't know about her getting all nice after a while. I had a preceptor from hell when I came to the hospital I work at now. She acted like I was stupid and I really think it had to do with my original state of origin. Never mind that I came from a sister hospital and had multiple years experience. She precepted another nurse and REALLY gave her a rough time. The new nurse almost lost her position over this cranky old bag. Thank God she retired!!!

[Lovely_RN, MSN]

I got a new preceptor and things are going so much better. I didn't make a big stink about it. I just asked the nurse who was willing to teach me if she would take me on and she agreed. I didn't offer an explanation and no one asked for one. NM is aware of her behavior (numerous complaints) but it doesn't look like she's going anywhere so I'll leave it at that. NN, "politics" are definitely a factor but I gave it a lot of thought and knew it was necessary. Her rudeness was becoming a huge distraction and her work style is very different from mine. Trust me I wouldn't have taken the chance if it was just a personality clash. What's the point of playing politics if I can't get up to speed under this preceptor? 3 days and I wasn't allowed to listen to report or pick up a single patient. What kind of orientation is that?

[eriksoln, BSN, RN]

I am in a mood to say just call her butt out on it.

But I also have been following the thread that seems to think my age group is the hellfire and bane of everyone's existence.

Makes me cranky.

I agree actually. IDK why anyone would call you names for this opinion/approach. [sigh] Some people can't be assertive hence they resent everyone who can.

Tell her, when no one is around to witness it and turn it into a drama, that you feel she is "Uncomfortable with precepting" and that her approach doesn't work well for you. Leave it at that. If the behavior continues............

To hell with that "oh poor me I'm going to hate the next couple weeks" attitude. Go to the manager and tell her you need a different style preceptor for your remaining orientation days. Make it clear the current one is not working out, but do so in a way that you don't personally attack her.

Trust me, after you get switched, it will haunt the preceptor you fired. Things like this build a reputation and if a trend is seen, it'll be dealt with (by others of course, not you). This obviously isn't the first time she's had issues. I recall you describing "snickers" and "looks of pity" from the other staff during your first day. Seems the paper trail/reputation is already there.

[eriksoln, BSN, RN]

I got a new preceptor and things are going so much better. I didn't make a big stink about it. I just asked the nurse who was willing to teach me if she would take me on and she agreed. I didn't offer an explanation and no one asked for one. NM is aware of her behavior (numerous complaints) but it doesn't look like she's going anywhere so I'll leave it at that. NN, "politics" are definitely a factor but I gave it a lot of thought and knew it was necessary. Her rudeness was becoming a huge distraction and her work style is very different from mine. Trust me I wouldn't have taken the chance if it was just a personality clash. What's the point of playing politics if I can't get up to speed under this preceptor? 3 days and I wasn't allowed to listen to report or pick up a single patient. What kind of orientation is that?

I didn't see this.......obviously. Hmmmm..........how to delete an entire post? IDK:p

[canesdukegirl, BSN, RN]

Oh girl! I know how you feel!

When I was a travel nurse, I got this quite a bit. I found that by being assertive, as you were, was the best defense for me. As soon as the precepting nurse figured out that I wasn't some timid doormat, she starting taking me seriously.

I generally hate to throw the witch card, but if it is clear to me that I have to relegate myself to being the Wicked Witch of the West, I don't mind donning the pointy cap and threatening to take Toto with me. We have a JOB to do. We are there for the PATIENTS, not to stand in line for the hazing of new staff members.

Kudos to you for taking the upper hand and not letting your preceptor run roughshod over you!

[KareBear0609]

People are unreal. Isn't it sad that you have to be extra nice just because someone is being rude to you? What has this world turned into....

[JeneraterRN]

People are unreal. Isn't it sad that you have to be extra nice just because someone is being rude to you? What has this world turned into....

Oh, I don't think the world has changed much, just our methods in dealing with the rude people. In the not so distant past, people in my native Montana shot those that offended them without too much trouble from the law (as long as they could adequately justify themselves). That would make a person person mind their manners, and gave the added bonus of weeding out the really annoying ones. Ahhhh......the good 'ol days. Gee, I hope my sarcasm is dripping enough.

[carolmaccas66, BSN, RN]

Thanks for all the support fellow and future nurses. I really needed it last night. I kept a stiff upper lip at work and I thought I shook it off but after I read what I wrote I got a little teary-eyed because, my feelings were hurt. Today was a better day though...she still showed up (late) with a funky attitude, didn't say good morning, and wouldn't acknowledge me until report was done....after she had a few sips of her coffee. As the day progressed she warmed up a bit and even gave me a compliment in between her instructions/critiquing. At the end of the day she pulled me to the side and told me to not mind how she acts in the morning and even gave me some good feedback. I still don't think it's appropriate to act that way at work regardless of whether you're a morning person or whatever your issue is but I'll take it. As long as I know it's not me then I can cope. Maybe it really is like carolmaccas66 wrote...she's probably just nasty to everyone.

You answered your own question. TELL HER you don't think it's appropriate to act as she is, regardless of time of day, whether or not she's had coffee, ect. If you confront her, I can almost guarantee 99.99% of the time, people WILL back down. She may bluster and bluff her way out of it, but don't get too pally with her, hey. Just be polite and also say thanks for the positive feedback. You sound a bit scared of her, but you know what? She is just a person like you - and I would personally be saying INTO HER FACE Good morning Miss/Mrs (name) and she will HAVE to respond to you - and say it with a big smile too! Some people are grumpy all the time, but if you act positive and cheery (as much as you can be at this time), you will get to her and she will change, cos she'll realise she can't put you down! A stiff upper lip isn't going to help you any unless you confront her re her behaviour. And let's face it: she can't SACK you or anything like that, she can't put you in jail! Remember: she is a PERSON LIKE YOU, and we all deserve respect. And if you stand up for urself, she will admire you more.

Sorry you are going thru this, think it's happened to all us nurses on here at one time or another!

Email me if you need support :)

[canesdukegirl, BSN, RN]

Some people can't be assertive hence they resent everyone who can.

This is one of my favorite statements from you. Very simple, yet very insightful. Nice job, Erik!