Stuttering Stupid Nurse

[pearlgarden]

So...I'm not looking for sympathy or anything. I think I just need to get this out. If you judge me for my decision then you judge me but know that I am hurting inside and feel hopeless.

I have a stutter and it's worse when I'm nervous. I'm a recent new grad and got my first job as an RN in May 2012 and I knew that my stutter was going to make it difficult at times to talk to patients, doctors, coworkers, and family members but I never thought that it would be this hard. There were times when I couldn't even say "Hi my name is.." or "I have some medication for you" and when it did happen the patients would look at me and wonder what was wrong with me or maybe they thought I was dumb or incompetent because of my stutter. And to make matters worse speaking Spanish is a must in my area and I stutter a lot worse when attempting to speak the little Spanish I know. The look on the patients face of confusion/doubt was the worst.

My coworkers started to notice and I heard one of them announcing to the other nurses there "dude, she talks all stupid." and they laughed...I pretended not to notice but ended up tearing up in the bathroom. I can't begin to explain how hard it is to speak as a person who stutters (I think only a stutterer would understand). I've tried hard to find ways to hide it and when someone notices it it completely embarrasses me and devastates me. I admitted a patient the other day the charge nurse wanted to see me do it and I stuttered so bad and then she called in an experienced nurse to finish up the admit assessment. The patient said "oh thank god. you seem to have better speech than this one" I shrugged it off. but called in sick to the work the next day. I quickly became depressed and doubted my ability to ever be a nurse if I can't even communicate effectively and I was highly stressed. The skills weren't the problem but the communication was. So before giving myself I chance, I quit.

And I don't know whether or not to pursue with nursing or to try something...anything else but every job requires speaking. I know I didn't even give myself a chance and I feel absolutely terrible that I did quit. I guess I just want to know if anyone else stutters here or knows someone who stutters. I already feel stupid for quitting and I know that I shouldn't have so please don't be mean about it.

[nurseprnRN, BSN, RN]

All good suggestions, and you should definitely follow up on them. "the king's speech" is inspiring for anyone, stutterer or not. I mean, if you think you've got performance anxiety, try being told you're going to be the King of England in wartime. god save him, indeed.

This is not an alternative suggestion to get you away from floor nursing if that's not your goal, but I'd like to compliment you on your written work. you express yourself very --exceptionally-- clearly, fluently, and eloquently in writing. there are many, many ways to use a nursing education, background, and abilities in the journalism milieu, in the law, in research, in the blogosphere ... you could start part time and see how it goes.

[Lynx25, LPN]

"Dude, she talks all stupid"

What a terrible person. :-/ However, haters gonna hate, so there's always going to be SOMETHING about you that some people are going to pick at.

I stutter a bit, but it's usually only when on the phone, or reading aloud... which makes reading reports over the phone to the doc HELL. Sometimes I can bulldoze my way through it, sometimes I ask someone if they'd mind calling my labs in for me.

[pearlgarden]

Thank you all very much for your kind comments and support. I posted this in the early hours of the morning and never imagined that I would get such great replies. The suggestions were great. Therapy is something that I will definitely try to look into. I've also heard of the speech easy device and have been looking into that for about 3 years now. I'm guessing I should explain a little more about myself and my history with stuttering. I started stuttering out of the blue when I was in 8th grade and I was confused as to what was happening because one day I spoke fluently then the next day I was stuttering. It got worse in high school and even worse in college. My stutter is not the the repetitive type such as "wha-wha-wha-what.." it's more of a block. I'll get the sentence out then there will be a block and I can't get the next word out to complete the sentence. I also have lots of trouble starting a sentence. Words that start with W are the worst such as What, When, Why, When. When I was in nursing school I was prescribed medication for anxiety by my doctor but after I graduated I didn't want to be on it anymore and didn't want to depend on it to function at a work. It did help but as a nurse I kind of felt that it was bad thing to be on anti-anxiety pills but maybe I needed them. When I was on them my stutter was still there but I was much more relaxed. Again, thank you all for being supportive and for your suggestions and for sharing your own personal stories about your stutters and about your loved ones who stutter. And thank you GrnTea for your kind comment on my writing. I'm going to take some time and figure things out. I'm not going to give up again because I know that I can be a great nurse and I know that I am knowledgeable.

[diosa78]

I also have a stutter. When I have started new jobs, I will hear people talk about it or make stupid comments. I always make it a point to pull them aside and explain to them why I talk the way I do (I had birth trauma and was not expected to walk, talk, hear, or see). I did therapy but I have damage to my speech area which means it's there and it's not going away. In every single instance, after I have explained to someone, I get an "Oh, I'm so sorry...I didn't realize." The person usually feels terrible, and then they will speak up for me when I am not around if someone starts asking about it.

I also work with a physician who stutters. He has done therapy and he has his good days and bad days. Patients love him because he is very down-to-earth, approachable, and kind. Nevertheless, despite the speech issues, we are both successful professionals.

Have you seen a neurologist? It's odd that you would speak normally one day and begin to stutter the next. Stutters are developmental or caused by trauma/disease/brain damage.

[Fearless_leader]

Just like JazzRN & emtb2rn, I also get a brain fogged. Ugh.... I hate it! The other day I was sitting in class & we were introducing ourselves & I began to stumble over my words and get simple sentences twisted. I was so upset at myself. I often wonder why my words always come out so disorganized. (This was Mon) today I decided to not worry about because I sometimes can't help it. I just have to remember to start over take a deep breath and relax. @JazzRN that's a good idea about writing. I love to write & I will try that. & pearlgarden it will be okay. First off just give yourself a pep talk before your day starts say positive things don't remind yourself of the negative. Also when meeting a new person rather it be a new admit or someone away from work. Close your eyes & take a deep breath. Sometimes when you make a joke out of something yourself it helps. Address the issue before someone else does for instance. If you feel like your going to stumble (stutter your words) just say excuse me I may stutter but I'm always nervous when I meet ________ a handsome young man (mind you your Patient Is 60 yrs. ie. old) or... oh wow you are a beautiful lady & it says your 60 when you look 50 are you sure your really 60? Say it with a smile then introduce yourself. The laughter may make you feel comfortable. It's a mind game. You have to set yourself up for a positive outcome even if you stutter it. As for your coworkers I would address the person(s) that's just me. I understand your new wait for that 3 month/6month evaluation to pass then if your the type of person that stands up for herself then pull them to the side and let them know how you feel offended and instead of tearing me(you)down in front of others. He/she need to worry about their own issues. & walk away without giving them a chance to respond that it will put them in their place. Well if that was me I will do that. Good Luck Pray about it!

[FORTHELOVEOF!!!!]

I also have a stutter. When I have started new jobs, I will hear people talk about it or make stupid comments. I always make it a point to pull them aside and explain to them why I talk the way I do (I had birth trauma and was not expected to walk, talk, hear, or see). I did therapy but I have damage to my speech area which means it's there and it's not going away. In every single instance, after I have explained to someone, I get an "Oh, I'm so sorry...I didn't realize."

This was going to be my suggestion to the OP, pull them aside and fill them in or they will forever remain ignorant. It's a shame that this is happening in healthcare, they of all people should know better. This really sounds like something you hear on the playground when the 4th graders are making fun of their peers, just horrible that grown adults are still doing this. I know anxiety is what makes your stutter worse but advocate for yourself, tell them it's not appropriate and explain to them why so that they think twice before making fun of someone else. Good luck to you.

[veggie530]

I can totally relate to this. I grew up with a speech impediment and a lisp and it was really, really bad. Sometimes I talk really fast and people have no clue what I just said, too, or my mind races about 100 times faster than my mouth and I stutter a little bit too.

It might be different as a guy, IDK, since I had to beat the crap out of people for making fun of me it made me more confident about it. Maybe you should go back and beat some nurses up, lol

[Pepper The Cat, BSN, RN]

Pearlgraden, if you need to take medication to help you cope with your stutter, then you should take it.

It is no different than someone needing glasses to see, a hearing aid to hear etc.

You need the meds to function in the world. Just something to think about

[GitanoRN, BSN, MSN, RN]

first of all, I'm so sorry that your having to go through this, and with co-workers that are supposedly professionals. having said that, I think the only time in my life that I stuttered uncontrollably was when I propose to my wife, it took me so long that everyone in the restaurant said the words for me!. needless to say, we all have the capacity to stutter if pushed far enough, this may happen during a very stressful interrogation in a police station, talking to emergency services on the telephone, or trying to respond to a particularly agile and aggressive lawyer while on the witness stand in court or delivering a speech. therefore, I agree with all previous posters you shouldn't change profession, I would seek professional help, I have taken the liberty of leaving you two links that might help, wishing you the very best always in all of your future endeavors as I send you a hug from across the miles....aloha~

https://www.stuttering.org/

[netglow, ASN, RN]

I agree. I'd look into therapy first, and a revisit to just what kind of medication might help you. probably will end up something other than anxiolytic...

BTW, you work with fools and you do understand this.

Nursing is not the noble, altruistic, Self-sacrificing job it used to be.

[ugat]

[it's your first employment, you're a new nurse. Give yourself a break, not all beginnings go smoothly, give yourself enough time to get used to the workplace and who knows you might perform well once you become comfortable.

[CherylRNBSN]

The other posters have said it all, so I am just sending you BIG (((((HUGS))))).