Please Help - I have no where else to turn

[abbaking]

In a nutshell, I am so fed up with nursing that I will do anything to avoid it. 10 minutes into my shift it was a madhouse. I didnt ever recieve any report yet and The call lights were going off like crazy. I went into a room 12 to check on the lady in the second bed since she had called for something. I could not even get to her because the lady in bed one (whom I have never met before) began to verbally and physically attack me. This is only some of what the crazy lady in bed one said (replace with curse word in your mind since i cant post them on here) :

"Knock on the door you fat jerk. Are you a nurse or an idiot. Your a fat piece of lard. I have rights. I pay your salary and I dont care if Obama was here you will do what I say. I will find where you live and have you TAKEN CARE OF".

The patient began to throw the meal utensils at me and anything she could grab. I backed out of there.

In 10 years of bedside experience, I have NEVER seen this much verbal abuse and aggression directed towards me - EVER!!

And in 10 years of bedside experience i have never lost my cool - except tonight. I SCREAMED back at this vile lunatic of a person as loud as possible to back, relax, and not give me any crap cause I will not tolerate it. I told hee I have feelings too and she will not abuse me. My stress and anxiety boiled over and I lost my cool by screaming at her (although I must say, she did deserve it).

The lunatic called the house supervisor and demanded everything under the sun. At this point i was outside my body watching myself react. My adrenaline was in full swing, I was shaking uncontrolably and i was on the verge of a hysterical breakdown. I gathered my backpack and I left. I told the team leader the entire situation and she said to go home and relax. She said that I was not fit to work in the condition i was in being a nervous wreck.

Before I left i told the house supervisor my side of the story and email my boss. I am now home.

Regardless of how "I could have handled the situation differently", I want to make it very clear that this patient was beyond out of line. Nobody - NOBODY deserves what i experienced tonight.

I am in a deep state of shock right now. I am severely depressed and i have awful anxiety. I am so streesed. I am on one hand happy that i stood up for myself and put this lunatic back in her place. On the other hand I feel like an ass.

Regardless, I realized that I cant do nursing anymore. All the deliberate short staffing, terrible hours, bad working conditions, and stupid people all served as the backdrop for my breakdown tonight.

I dont think I can even go back to work. I am thinking about going to my doctor tomorrow and asking for emergency FMLA time (work induced stress/depression). I think I am going crazy.

If anyone can offer any advise or words of encouragement - I need it now. I am home crying and just feeling terrible

[workingharder]

Hello Everyone --- thank you all for your compassion, words of encouragement and advise. It really has helped me cope during the past 48 hours. I wish I could say that I went home from work on sunday (the day this incident occured), relaxed and went to bed with a clear head, but that would be a bold face lie. In reality, I think i had a catharsis at work. Perhaps its the conflicting values of being a caregiver and the ideology not to abuse a patient that kept my brain up all night. Maybe it was a combination of the terrible workloads, the stress from administration pestering the floor staff about JCAHO crap, the rise in the level of verbally and physically combative patients and the never-ending excuses from the powers that be not to hire more staff. In other words, this was a volcano waiting to erupt - sooner or later. And by the time I got home, lets just say that Norco and Vodka, a hot bath and a marlboro red 100 cigarette make a GREAT post traumatic tranquilizer. I am thankful that I have time off work the next few days - I am scheduled to work Friday and Saturday nights, but time will tell if I will be working. I am seriously considering disability time off work - The simple prospect of going in makes me sick to my stomach, i get dizzy, i have a terrible feeling about my job and the patients. Basically I have come to the conclusion no nurse wants to make --- I HAVE SEVERE BURNOUT! Bitterness is a good word to describe how I feel overall. I need time off to reflect and to understand. I want to take -ME- time. How many times as nurses do we focus on others more so than ourselves? In terms of the specifics I did not address in my post (about the patient, the actions, etc) , the more I think about it the more I am convinced I was confronting Satan himself disguised as a human. Maybe thats my Catholic upbringing talking there, but In 10 years of nursing experience I have never encountered such vile hate and anger. Be it directed at me or not, the fact of the matter is this patient (from what i could see was alert and oriented) was full of hate. She looked like a meth user or a crack head due to the unkept appearence, the missing teeth and the erratic behavior. She had threatened me with her attorney. (this is where I began to explode) I told her that drug addicted people like her cant afford an attorney and that what little money they do have goes to Wal-mart and Crack-Cocaine. I told her that staff have rights too and one of them is to be treated with respect. I told her it is a FELONY to assault and batter another person and that any competent judge would throw her in Betty Ford and then in Chowchilla (womens prison). Basically I told this creature of Hate everything that needed to be said -- No fluff, no sugar coating, no bs. As a person and as a member of the human species, I want to know where it is that says that your basic rights are denied when you are a nurse. There is this notion that exists that expects nurses to be abused and take more abuse and then say "On its no problem at all, you were confused, or angry or this or that". As long as I am still a member of the human species, I WILL be treated with respect and I WILL NOT TOLERATE ABUSE WHATSOEVER,Sorry If I am rambling. I needed to get this trauma off my chest. I really think I am going to take time off for FMLA (disability - paid in the state of California), relax, take ME time and perhaps see a therapist.

I don't blame you one bit. There are people in the world that the only way to get their attention is to go sub-nuclear on their back sides.

[OCNRN63, RN]

​i have met satan a couple of times in my career, abbaking. i sincerely hope you take some time to care for yourself and decide if you can go back to what sounds like a bad situation, or make a change. either way, you'll get support here.

[wanderlust99]

WE are also only human and can only take SO MUCH. Physical or verbal assault. There have been some times where a patient swings at me and I don't care, I just move out of the way and am not bothered. Other times something inside of me snaps and I go into defense mode and get angry and have to really control myself. Depends on the day and the moment I guess.

I can recall 2 times that I have snapped at patients who have spoken to me poorly and I just couldn't take it anymore. It felt so good and I'd do it again.

[Liddle Noodnik]

I do have to say something that may not be popular here.

When you say "she made me do it" (by her behavior etc) you are essentially not taking into account your own responsibility for the fact that you were verbally and emotionally abusive back to her. I would urge you to stay away from patient care for a while and get a handle on why you reacted the way you did - the behavior and what you said - instead of stepping out and back from the situation, and letting a manager or coworker manage it, while you gathered your wits (trust me there have been times I've wanted to react the way you did, and came close). For all we know it was a medical issue or side effect of meds that caused the patient to act that way (but even so, unsafe and abusive on their part, I know! but we're supposed to be the sane ones).

I also wondered, was this patient's roommate safe from the person who "lost it"? Scares me and probably scared the roommate that they were trapped in this situation.

Anyway, for my part, I have left and come back to nursing several times due to the stress and all the conditions of the job that you have talked abut here. Not only have I wanted to take those frustrations out on the patients, but I have even taken them out on myself.

So I do suggest a Medical LOA, vacation, counseling, maybe even anger management. Take care of YOU of course but also protect those in your care. You have been honest w/ us but you also you should have a "live" person ie counselor with whom you can spill out and spell out all you have told us here.

Hope you do not take my comments amiss, but I am really concerned for your patients, as well as you.

ps I am THRILLED for you that you can and will get some paid disability!!! as it should be for any of us in that position.

[CrunchRN, ADN, RN]

Yep, you need to take some time off and you definitely need counseling before caring for patients again if you even choose to.

That said, I agree with everything you said and I think it is shameful the way nurses are treated and that some adminstrations (sadly many) allow it.

[JSparr]

Hey Girl Cheer up,

I have been in your situation numerous times and I'm still pursuing my Nursing degree. I'm just a CNA and Medication Aide and I've been physically and verbally abused just like you. I've learned to just walk away and get someone else to handle the situation or if I can I get an RN to assist me with the situation. I had a patient who verbally and physically abused me everyday I had to take care of her, she passed away awhile ago but I learned that she has been like that her entire life. Like some of the messages that were left here mentioned that you can't take what the patients say to heart. It is tough not to but Nursing is all about being compassionate without being angry towards the patient who hurt you. I've always had it in my head to "put myself in their shoes" have "empathy".Yes it is hard to accomplish this when you are being hurt by that person, But I have figured out that if you can understand what they are going through that you and that person will end up getting along much better and that there is the truest accomplishment you can achieve. Nursing has it's ups and downs but don't ever let a patient tell you that your an idiot, you for one thing are one of the bravest because you chose to be a Nurse, you chose a more demanding, and compassionate profession that allows you to be who you are with a heart of gold. Don't give up, keep in mind that there are others that have been in your situation and have not stopped because they love their job. I would just take sometime off and gather your thoughts, and take time for yourself. It's a tough world but I think it's more bearable because I'm in a profession that can handle most anything and yet we still can smile and proceed with our day like nothing can bring us down. :hug:

[beebell]

Take time to recover & heal yourself. Rest, healing music, nature, journaling, whatever works for you. Sometimes you can even scream & cuss. Pound pillows until exhausted. Whatever works. Just don't hold it in. Me - I talk to others - they get sick of me, but they listen. We all deserve to sit on the pity pot from time to time too - you just have to remember to flush!! I learned that one in ALANON. Love & hugs from nurses all around..

[PacoUSA, BSN, RN]

Hey Girl Cheer up

Again, the OP is a MALE!

Why do people keep assuming this is a girl??

Just sayin' ...

[sewjsv]

Just wondering how long you have been a nurse? I have been an RN for 40 years and the patients and families have definitely gotten worse but there are some things you can do - at least at our place. If a patient threw things at you we are able to call security for an unruly patient - you could also check to see if you could press charges for assault. We have been given a type of self-defense class and a class to try and ease the situation. After you have been in the business awhile and you have been verbally abused by doctors (report them), patients and families you eventually will grow a thicker skin but some days that won't even help... I have had 2 "anxiety attacks" at work and have had a very supportive manager and staff. Luckily one of the "attacks" passed in an hour and the other was after I worked 16 hours of on-call so I got to go home. I did make a shift change once and that definitley helped - I can't adjust to early day shift and was always tired and that didn't help, either. I am 5 years from retiring and can't wait! Nursing is not what it use to be and the frustration with the computers and the other regulatory issues have not helped. I found going to an area like ICU and PACU where you only have 2 patients at the most really helped - you actually get to care for the patients and not be pulled in 50 different directions - but there still are hairy moments - you just have a more controlled environment. Good luck - think about working in a different area - it could help.

[Asystole RN]

Again, the OP is a MALE!

Why do people keep assuming this is a girl??

Just sayin' ...

Could be that the VAST MAJORITY of nurses are women and so the presumption is that any nurse is a female unless clarified.

Just sayin'...

[ibatxrn]

I'm so sorry that you, the nurse here to help them, was treated this way by a patient, We are in one thankless, abusive, underpaid profession. The hospitals and nursing homes generally are only concerned with the profits and budgets. They just keep expecting us to suck it up and kill ourselves trying to do a job with half the staff that we should have to adequately care for these people. When is the whole system gonna snap?? I know nurses that have snapped at work (to the point of being taken to a psych facility) and they are wonderful nurses and good people that you would not expect that from. All of us can only take so much abuse and no matter how strong we are, and we ALL are or we could NOT work in this profession, we finally reach a breaking point if we do not break the cycle. So my advice is break the cycle. Take a rest and find another form of nursing that is less stressful. I am teaching now to avoid the hospital setting and it is working for me. I don't know your credentials but it is never too late to go back to school. More letters behind your name will allow you to move up the rung so to speak and get out of the trenches where the abuse is sure to occur. A lot of people have no respect for us and I'm afraid it is just going to get worse. Stay strong and know that you are perfectly normal to have finally snapped and reacted this way. Shame on your employer for not giving you the resources you need. I feel I could snap some days if the abuse was at the right time. Take care and prayers are up for you to find the job of your dreams.

[chevyv, BSN, RN]

Ya know, this may have helped the pt. Hopefully, the pt got a good chance to change and took it! I'm not sure if you need to take a LOA or not. You responded and have some regrets/frustration about the whole situation. I think our 'bad days' are really unlike most other professionals 'bad days'. I've seen many nurses lose it and they bounce back pretty good. It's a learning curve no matter how long you've been a nurse. Maybe you can transfer to a non med surg unit and get a break. The stress gets to most of us. Hang in there!