"Nurses are so Mean" - page 17

by Ruby Vee 62,064 Views | 219 Comments

I wish I had a dollar for every post I've read claiming that "nurses are so mean," "nurses are nasty to each other," "nurses eat their young" or "my preceptor is picking on me for no good reason." And then if you add in all the... Read More


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    I never heard the phrase "nurses eat their young" until I started reading posts here on allnurses in 2004. For that I am grateful. I got through orientation and many days that were challenging including a few nurses who were the classic hell ***** on wheels. But most were fine, and some were downright wonderful. I wonder if I had gone in expecting "to be eaten" the same experiences would have been categorized differently in my mind.

    Perhaps there were some snippy answers, or perhaps cold shoulders I wouldn't have shrugged off. I would have stored them in my mind as "proof". I pretty much expected some people to be really helpful (and there were), some people to be indifferent (quite a few) and some to be a danger to my mental health (only one in 10 years).

    I know this is a generalization, but for the most part people see who they are in others when an obvious pattern develops. But they see pointing out this pattern as yet another form of "eating their young". My "preceptors" (we didn't call them that then) were wonderful. Even the cold fish had their good side. But we didn't expect them to drop everything and tend to our needs.

    I started at 19, too. I was young and pretty (I'm still pretty just not young). It's all about how you carry yourself and your professional demeanor. People who think they are discriminated against because they are so attractive usually project their opinion of themselves to others and that is what the other people react negatively to. Not the fact that you are pretty.
    kids, joanna73, talaxandra, and 2 others like this.
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    I almost want to create a second account so I could kudos this again.
    FlyingScot and nursel56 like this.
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    After working over 25 years in many different areas of nursing, I have worked with the "know-it-all, snippy nurses from hell, the kind, compassionate patient-oriented nurses who watch your back and everyone else in between....
    I really don't think that you can stigmatize nurses........I think we are all just people and you would find this same conflict in any other business/profession.

    "It takes all kinds"........mom used to say and you know what? she was right !!
    nursel56 likes this.
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    as an agency/travel staff nurse, i OFTEN confront drama @ different locations. just being a traveler is threatening to some degree. their attitude is since you're making more MONEY than I am, you need to pick up the slack. don't get me wrong, there are some who are warm and welcoming but there seems to ALWAYS be that small population of nurses who just don't accept you. my solution is to avoid them @ ALL cost unless it is work related. oh but no...now, by doing that i am suddenly anti-sociable and unfriendly. sometimes i can't win for losing. we all go through different experiences in this field. yes, nurses can be deceiving, back-stabbing...you name it. i have definitely been in that environment...and i know i have not been the PROBLEM. nurses can and should show more love for one another. hopefully we are all doing this for the same reason. i don't know about the rest of you but i go to work to work and not to socialize...it's ALL about my patients.
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    Nurses, Stop taking yourselves soooo seriously, you really are not that important, no one is......
    nightengalegoddess likes this.
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    i want to be a nurse because I know that I will love my job and be super nice to my patients and I will not be mean like SOME nurses. sick people need love and positive attention ♥
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    Since Ive been a member of all nurses. I can say at times I have been shocked speechless reading the amount of hate and contempt from people who supposedly are to care for the sick and dying reading some of the articles posted here astonished me, I mean anyone who posts something that is not of popular consensus, will get cyber bullied their words paraphrased highlighted and broken down to the last syllable, most of the time not to up lift but to tear down. Heaven help anyone post their spiritual beliefs and how they relate to them caring for the sick. They're seen as crazy and get insulted. I understand people and their beliefs are different but I'm shocked by the lack of tolerance and self control that some people exhibit. I wonder how can you truly care form someone and openly display such hatred for someone who you don't really know or understand, how can you call yourself a nurse, I hope not because you went to school and done what was required, a lot of people on this site I've seen is so full of hatred and anger. It's scary to think that you are taking care of those sick and dependant on someone to actually care for them. Not mutter insults under their breath. Or attack a co worker or fellow poster. To those who continue the hated their is a day coming where we will be held accountable for our thoughts and actions. I hope at some point before that time you soften your hearts. Hatred, and nursing does not go together. JMHO.
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    I've been an AN member a wee bit longer than you, Bunny, and have to say that while I've seen dissent, anger, contempt, reasoned argument, debate and occasional outright rudeness but have yet to see anything that looked to me like hatred. I've been involved in very heated discussions, here and IRL, and haven't felt hatred. SOmetimes people interpret things through a lens that colours what they see...

    I'd certainly caution anyone reading threads here, and elsewhere online, not to mistake people's online personas and posts for their professional demeanours and behaviour. The combination of reduced ability to convey nuance and tone when using words alone, the immediacy of communication, accidental hitting of emotional triggers, carelessness of language useage, and the veil of anonymity means that most people are more likely to write things they wouldn't say. That doesn't mean they're being false, but we're often less measured than they'd otherwise be.

    I've been a nurse for over twenty years - caring for patients doesn't magically make me a lovely, ammenable person. It doesn't stop me from haivng a personality, an opinion, or a bad day. Seeing a section of my life based on posts I write in an online forum doesn't give you insight into anything about the rest of my life - and, as I doubt this was written specifically in response ot me, the same applies to everyone here.

    I'd normally address specific aspects you raised, but I wouldn't want you to feel 'cyberbullied' by quoting sections of your post. I will say, though, that AN is one of the most rigorously moderated site I've ever participated in - if anyone feels as though responses are getting out of hand they have only to click on the 'report' button. Or stop visiting the site.
    frenchfroggyRN, kids, elkpark, and 4 others like this.
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    It should, I'm not quite sure that the nice switch can be turned off an on when one is not at work, I haven't said that you per se was the type of person or persons I've described. From the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. Wether typed or spoken, so yes when you are rude and mean to strangers posting their an opinion on a message board I can imagine that is who you are more times than not. I'm not saying you can't have a "bad" day, what Im referring to is if someone posts something they might genuinely have a sincere concern about 9 times out of 10 their attacked by 10 people before one person comes along and actually is positive to anyone, yes we all have the right to our opinions but we don't have the right to disrespect people. I'm not personally speaking to anyone I'm just sharing from my experiences the countless posts I've read. No disrespect meant to you at all. No there is nothing wrong with healthly discussion. I believe some people cross the line. Cause chances are your insults aren't gonna make that person change their beliefs whatever they may be.
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    Yeah, I don't have a "nice switch" and in any case being nice isn't part of my job description.

    I'm a very good nurse, and it has nothing to do with being a pleasant, bidable kind of person - as it happens, the overwhelming majority of my patients and their families seem to prefer my care, despite (or perhaps because of) the occasional exchange of some very direct speaking on my part. They prefer my care for the same reason doctors and nurses like working with me - I'm clinically proficient, communicate particularly well, am intelligent and educated, and can rapidly reprioritise and respond to change.

    I like nice people when I'm a customer in, I don't know, a bank. If I'm sick I want competent, proficient, smart, and accurate well before I want nice. Websites like the Romance Writers of America and Etsy have a nice members only policy - if you can't say anything nice, don't post. AN started out as a site for professionals - people with differing opinions, layers of personality, strongly held views, whose work and lives are connected. People who have more than one dimension.
    frenchfroggyRN, kids, elkpark, and 2 others like this.


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