My seven month journey in ICU has ended.

  1. 2
    I started my CVICU position in April. Ofcourse I was super excited because I just became a RN after being a LPN for 3 years. I had my license for exactly 3 months before getting hired, not bad for a new grad RN.

    I always knew that CVICU was not my dream job but I was super excited to learn and develop my new skills.

    So what happened? My orientation was rough. I had 9 different preceptors, and felt that the overall orientation was disorganized. However, I felt this was nursing and I'm just blessed to have a job.

    In addition to a bad orientation, I had to work with senior nurses who hated new grads ( their words not mine) and did every thing in their power to not create a learning environment for new grads. One nurse flat out told some of us interns that she doesn't like to precept and is a total "B" (word). I've been talked to like a dog and treated like a complete idiot during my time there. Several new and experienced nurses that fell prey to some of the lateral violence have cried on the job and on the way home. However, through it all, I was determined to make this work. I just figured, this is nursing, this is what I signed up for.

    At the end of my orientation, I was given great compliments from some of nurses and docs and I looked forward to being on my own.

    I've made my mistakes here and there but thank God some of senior nurses were there every step of the way and I've never caused patient harm.

    Then out of no where I get called into a meeting and was told my work performance was substandard. Little did I know that when I asked for help it would be looked at as a sign of incompetence and reported to my boss.

    Anyway, I've decided resign from the unit ( not the hospital) and move on. There was no way I could continue to work on a unit where there was such an intensity of passive aggressive behavior. At the end of the day, I just did not fit in.

    At first I felt embarrassed, incompetent, and like a complete failure. I cried, cried, and cried. I was heartbroken because I truly gave it my all. I arrived to work an hour early and would go home every night and review the things I didn't know.

    Today, I can look my self in the mirror and know that I'm a great nurse. Not because I'm compassionate or care but because I know what I know, and I know what I don't know.

    I know for a fact that I've literally saved lives and helped people walk out of that ICU in better condition than they came. I know for a fact that I've helped people breathe easier and generally have a higher quality of life.

    The bad part about it now is that I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I'm no longer a new grad RN but I'm also don't have that year of experience.

    I'm confident that I'll one day find my niche in nursing with a nice working environment.
    SweettartRN and CrufflerJJ like this.
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  3. 26 Comments so far...

  4. 2
    OP---I'm so sorry you had this experience. Hold your head high & press on. It's a shame you encountered the worse of nursing personality wise. You'll find similar personalities in just about every area of nursing, but some are worse than others. Anyway, hang in there. Hold your head up & remember that you, at the end of the day, do not have to look at yourself in the mirror and know that you've been mean/unkind/fill-in-the-blank to another human.
  5. 1
    I'm sorry it ended this way for you:/ Didn't they offer you the choice to move to step-down or the floor? Either way, stay strong, this happens to many, many people!! We are here to support you!
    OnlybyHisgraceRN likes this.
  6. 1
    Quote from sapphire18
    I'm sorry it ended this way for you:/ Didn't they offer you the choice to move to step-down or the floor? Either way, stay strong, this happens to many, many people!! We are here to support you!
    I did get the offer to tele or stepdown, however I requested maternity instead. I want to do something that fits more my personality.
    T-Bird78 likes this.
  7. 0
    I'm sorry you had that experienced. Good luck in your new specialty.
  8. 6
    The path to knowing where you want to be is paved with knowing where you don't want to be. Best of luck in your new specialty! The experience from your first job will make you a stronger nurse you will be surprised how much you have already learned.
    NursieNurseLPN, SCSTxRN, nursel56, and 3 others like this.
  9. 0
    Did you get the maternity job or have to apply for it and are waiting for a reply ?
  10. 1
    Quote from OnlybyHisgraceRN

    Today, I can look my self in the mirror and know that I'm a great nurse. Not because I'm compassionate or care but because I know what I know, and I know what I don't know.

    I know for a fact that I've literally saved lives and helped people walk out of that ICU in better condition than they came. I know for a fact that I've helped people breathe easier and generally have a higher quality of life.

    The bad part about it now is that I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I'm no longer a new grad RN but I'm also don't have that year of experience.

    I'm confident that I'll one day find my niche in nursing with a nice working environment.
    Kudos to you for the strength of picking yourself up instead of letting yourself defeated. I am certain you will find that niche.

    BTW, if I'm not mistaken, you will still be considered as new grad. I say this because I remember the criteria for applying for new grad programs in local hospitals in Los Angeles area was less than one year of experience. Of course, I don't know about other areas, but regardless, I wish you the best.
    OnlybyHisgraceRN likes this.
  11. 3
    "I know what I know, and I know what I don't know"... a very profound statement because there are many that won't admit what they don't know!. I too wish you well. I apologize on the behalf of nursing that you were treated this way. It makes me sick to hear this over and over and wish I could do something to stop the madness!Take with you both the good and the bad and vow to perpetuate only the good!
    ProfRN4, T-Bird78, and OnlybyHisgraceRN like this.
  12. 0
    Quote from anotherone
    Did you get the maternity job or have to apply for it and are waiting for a reply ?
    I'm still waiting to hear from the NM. In the meantime, I'll apply at other hospitals and study. I still want to keep all this knowledge in my brain.


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