My seven month journey in ICU has ended.

[OnlybyHisgraceRN]

I started my CVICU position in April. Ofcourse I was super excited because I just became a RN after being a LPN for 3 years. I had my license for exactly 3 months before getting hired, not bad for a new grad RN.

I always knew that CVICU was not my dream job but I was super excited to learn and develop my new skills.

So what happened? My orientation was rough. I had 9 different preceptors, and felt that the overall orientation was disorganized. However, I felt this was nursing and I'm just blessed to have a job.

In addition to a bad orientation, I had to work with senior nurses who hated new grads ( their words not mine) and did every thing in their power to not create a learning environment for new grads. One nurse flat out told some of us interns that she doesn't like to precept and is a total "B" (word). I've been talked to like a dog and treated like a complete idiot during my time there. Several new and experienced nurses that fell prey to some of the lateral violence have cried on the job and on the way home. However, through it all, I was determined to make this work. I just figured, this is nursing, this is what I signed up for.

At the end of my orientation, I was given great compliments from some of nurses and docs and I looked forward to being on my own.

I've made my mistakes here and there but thank God some of senior nurses were there every step of the way and I've never caused patient harm.

Then out of no where I get called into a meeting and was told my work performance was substandard. Little did I know that when I asked for help it would be looked at as a sign of incompetence and reported to my boss.

Anyway, I've decided resign from the unit ( not the hospital) and move on. There was no way I could continue to work on a unit where there was such an intensity of passive aggressive behavior. At the end of the day, I just did not fit in.

At first I felt embarrassed, incompetent, and like a complete failure. I cried, cried, and cried. I was heartbroken because I truly gave it my all. I arrived to work an hour early and would go home every night and review the things I didn't know.

Today, I can look my self in the mirror and know that I'm a great nurse. Not because I'm compassionate or care but because I know what I know, and I know what I don't know.

I know for a fact that I've literally saved lives and helped people walk out of that ICU in better condition than they came. I know for a fact that I've helped people breathe easier and generally have a higher quality of life.

The bad part about it now is that I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I'm no longer a new grad RN but I'm also don't have that year of experience.

I'm confident that I'll one day find my niche in nursing with a nice working environment.

[RxOnly]

Please let us know if you get the maternity job!

[BeenThereDoneThat74, MSN, RN]

It sounds like you've been through a whirlwind. You must have some sense of relief that it is all over, despite this being your 'dream job'. The wonderful thing about nursing is that there are so many options. I know so many nurses who end up in an entirely different profession than what they originally intended. Not everyone is cut out for every specialty, and that's OKAY.

There is something out there for you, that will make you love going to work. You'll love the patients, the type of care you're giving, and the staff you work with.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

I started my CVICU position in April. Ofcourse I was super excited because I just became a RN after being a LPN for 3 years. I had my license for exactly 3 months before getting hired, not bad for a new grad RN.

I always knew that CVICU was not my dream job but I was super excited to learn and develop my new skills.

So what happened? My orientation was rough. I had 9 different preceptors, and felt that the overall orientation was disorganized. However, I felt this was nursing and I'm just blessed to have a job.

In addition to a bad orientation, I had to work with senior nurses who hated new grads ( their words not mine) and did every thing in their power to not create a learning environment for new grads. One nurse flat out told some of us interns that she doesn't like to precept and is a total "B" (word). I've been talked to like a dog and treated like a complete idiot during my time there. Several new and experienced nurses that fell prey to some of the lateral violence have cried on the job and on the way home. However, through it all, I was determined to make this work. I just figured, this is nursing, this is what I signed up for.

At the end of my orientation, I was given great compliments from some of nurses and docs and I looked forward to being on my own.

I've made my mistakes here and there but thank God some of senior nurses were there every step of the way and I've never caused patient harm.

Then out of no where I get called into a meeting and was told my work performance was substandard. Little did I know that when I asked for help it would be looked at as a sign of incompetence and reported to my boss.

Anyway, I've decided resign from the unit ( not the hospital) and move on. There was no way I could continue to work on a unit where there was such an intensity of passive aggressive behavior. At the end of the day, I just did not fit in.

At first I felt embarrassed, incompetent, and like a complete failure. I cried, cried, and cried. I was heartbroken because I truly gave it my all. I arrived to work an hour early and would go home every night and review the things I didn't know.

Today, I can look my self in the mirror and know that I'm a great nurse. Not because I'm compassionate or care but because I know what I know, and I know what I don't know.

I know for a fact that I've literally saved lives and helped people walk out of that ICU in better condition than they came. I know for a fact that I've helped people breathe easier and generally have a higher quality of life.

The bad part about it now is that I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I'm no longer a new grad RN but I'm also don't have that year of experience.

I'm confident that I'll one day find my niche in nursing with a nice working environment.

I hope you've taken some lessons from your experience and not just blamed it all on bad preceptors and a disorganized orientation. You are right -- some nurses absolutely should not be preceptors, but management has little choice about using them as such as there aren't enough GOOD preceptors to go around. You can learn a lot from a bad preceptor if you make up your mind to do so.

I've seen some red flags in your post. I doubt your work performance was viewed as substandard just because you asked for help. It may be because you acted helpless, because you had no clear idea what you needed when you asked for help, because you asked for help too late, because you asked the wrong person for help or asked for the wrong sort of help. It would be useful for you to figure out what exactly went wrong to keep you from repeating these mistakes in your new job.

No new grad can look at his or her self in the mirror and know that they are a great nurse. Knowing what you know and what you don't know is a great start, but it's not a great nurse. You perhaps have potential to be a great nurse -- but you're not there yet. You're still a beginner.

I hope you find the job you're looking for, that you fit in, and that you work happily for many years. Good luck.