Inappropriate nurses?

SaltySarcasticSally, LPN, RN · May 10, 2017

You over-reacted and almost certainly came off up tight and irritable. I don't understand why people let co-workers get to them like this. Just brush it off and move on, I think you will have people e-mail you back more if you can refrain from verbally whiplashing their staff.

Most incidents between co-workers do NOT require involving management, your an adult, talk it out amongst yourselves.

Chronic Care Coordinator · May 10, 2017

So, I'm a Float pool nurse, and last night, I was pulling meds when a Staff nurse comes up to me. Without so much of a "hello", he snaps, "How many patients do you have?"
My eyebrows raise. "Are you Charge or Resource nurse?" I ask.
"No," he answers
"Then it's none of your business," I respond.
"I have five patients tonight. How many do you have? Are you taking any admits?" he continues to press.
"Again, it's NONE.OF.YOUR.BUSINESS. Take it up with Charge if you have a problem," I retort.
"Oh, I'm just making conversation," he sneers.
"No, you're being nosy. And I don't have to deal with it!" I reply.
I told the Charge nurse about her Staff nurse's wildly inappropriate questioning. Charge said that "she would deal with it. At the end of the shift, Staff nurse had not apologized for his behavior, so I emailed his manager about the incident. The manager did not email me back.
Would there be anything else you would have done?

I would have done a couple of things.

1-"How many patients do you have?"-6(just picking a number)

2-"I have five patients tonight. How many do you have? Are you taking any admits?"-I am up for second admit

3-"Oh, I'm just making conversation,"- That's nice. How is your day going. Do you need help with anything?

Be the better person. If you respond rudely, what is the difference between the two of you?

Choose not to react but take a mental step backward and assess what he is really asking.If he is just being nosy, sidestep with a smile and say, "I have 6. It's on the assignment board.How is your day going?

Go in with an open mind. Speak up always----but professionally.Enjoy work and make your life simple.Today never comes back, so live life fully with no regrets.Have courage and be kind.All luck!

FolksBtrippin, BSN, RN · May 10, 2017

As others stated, you were the inappropriate one. It's fair and reasonable to share information about workload to facilitate teamwork.

Maybe you are not the best team player. As a float nurse, you probably like to work alone and not get too into the unit dynamic. I get that because I am like that too. I'm an independent, work alone gen-exer type. I know I have to be mindful of being a team member and lots of times, I make mistakes in that area.

But when you are trying, you don't make the kind of mistake where you are rude to a coworker or refuse to share information for no reason. If the coworker seemed stressed out or needy, that's even more reason to share info so that you can help. Not a reason to be evasive. And definitely never a reason to make a complaint against the person. In short, you have to try harder to be someone that coworkers are comfortable around.

It seems you are very blind to your error here. You need some self reflection.

CBlover, BSN, RN · May 10, 2017

Either this is a troll post or you're just totally not the kind of person that people are going to make friends with lol

/username, BSN, RN · May 10, 2017

You must be fun at parties.

NurseSpeedy, ADN, LPN, RN · May 10, 2017

Honestly, the questions would not have even phased me. "How many patients do I have? Six. Will I take an admission? I wasn't aware I had a choice in the matter". Simple questions that are asked everyday, often as small talk while waiting for our turn at the pixis. I don't find it offensive at all. Some nurses have strong personalities and may sound abrupt but don't mean anything by it. However, this is something that most people pick up on very early in their career. Now, emailing management I find VERY offensive. You floated to a different unit. At least TRY to play nice in the sandbox with everyone.

DowntheRiver · May 10, 2017

I think you're being a little harsh on the OP. Granted, I wouldn't have reacted the way that he/she reacted, but we don't know the tone of the conversations, or if gestures were made. The other nurse could have been in the nurse's face. Body language can dictate a lot, something many of us are cognizant of in nursing. I believe it was excessive to email the NM about this. I would have just spoke to the other nurse.

OP, just take this as a lesson, and maybe think before you react if you don't do well with confrontation.

FolksBtrippin, BSN, RN · May 10, 2017

I think you're being a little harsh on the OP. Granted, I wouldn't have reacted the way that he/she reacted, but we don't know the tone of the conversations, or if gestures were made. The other nurse could have been in the nurse's face. Body language can dictate a lot, something many of us are cognizant of in nursing. I believe it was excessive to email the NM about this. I would have just spoke to the other nurse.
OP, just take this as a lesson, and maybe think before you react if you don't do well with confrontation.

I accounted for possible tones. You could get a tone if your coworker has more patients than you and is upset about it. That might have happened. It still would not have warranted OPs reaction. People can't always help it when they get a tone, tones reflect feelings. People can choose their words but they can't always choose their feelings.

OPs response to the tone made the situation worse and was insensitive to the needs of the coworker.

A tone from a stressed or disgruntled coworker while asking a legitimate question is not cause to go tattling to management.

chacha82, ADN, BSN · May 10, 2017

Based on the title of this post, I thought this post was going to be about twerking at the nurse's station or something like that.

Apple-Core, ASN, BSN, RN · May 10, 2017

I think you're being a little harsh on the OP. Granted, I wouldn't have reacted the way that he/she reacted, but we don't know the tone of the conversations, or if gestures were made. The other nurse could have been in the nurse's face. Body language can dictate a lot, something many of us are cognizant of in nursing. I believe it was excessive to email the NM about this. I would have just spoke to the other nurse.
OP, just take this as a lesson, and maybe think before you react if you don't do well with confrontation.

I absolutely agree that tone of voice can totally make a comment or sentence come over as completely different. In fact, tone probably has more impact than the words themselves. So, let's assume the tone was horrible, hostile, and aggressive...I *still* think responding calmly and with kindness will get a better result.

Even confronting it in a calm way would be better, such as, "I'm happy to share than info, just not sure why you're being so aggressive?" Usually if you call out the behavior in a non-aggressive way, people de-escalate their own behavior. I use this technique myself and I can't think of a single instance when it hasn't worked in the way I intended.

I agree it requires mindfulness because if I allowed my visceral reaction to rise to the surface I'd be just as aggressive back..."how dare you come at me with that tone of voice? Who the hell do you think you are?"......but where would that get me, or us, are anybody??

I guess what I'm saying is, the only person you can control is yourself, and many, many situations can be de-escalated if you take control by using kindness, calmness, and humor. If the guy had *continued* to have an aggressive tone after calling him out on it, then you can still be in control and say something like, "I'm more than happy to talk about how many patients I have, and my admits and so forth, but only when you're ready to be respectful and polite"...then just walk away or continue what you're doing without engaging further. Leave the issue with him (if there even was an issue).

Meriwhen, ASN, BSN, MSN, RN · May 10, 2017

The fact that *every single* reply has told you *you* were in the wrong should be a red flag for you & a wake up call. You need to evaluate how have conversations & interact with people.

There's a saying popular in recovery circles: if one person calls you a duck, ignore them. If ten people call you a duck, check yourself for tail feathers.

It seems you are very blind to your error here. You need some self reflection.

Not saying OP is necessarily a duck, but I agree that some self-assessment of their role in what happened would be beneficial to him/her.

Jedrnurse, BSN, RN · May 10, 2017

New Syndrome: NETP "Nurses Eat Their Peers"...