asked to delay child bearing

Nurses Relations

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  1. What should I do?

    • 9
      Stay at current job and have children when I desire
    • 3
      Stay at current job and have children when boss desires
    • 27
      Start looking for potential new job oppurtunites

39 members have participated

Hello RNs,

I have a question regarding comment my current boss made. I am currently a nursing student and graduate soon. I have worked as a nursing assistant and various other jobs on my unit for about a year and a half. My boss has already said I have an RN position with him/her on our unit after I graduate. He/She has promised me ICU experience within my first year, something I REALLY would like out of my new career since this is where I would like to focus (I know it is rare in most hospitals to work in the ICU without 1-2 years of RN experience). Anyways, I was working with my boss the other day and he/she asked if I already had children or if I was planning on having them in the future. After I told him/her my husband and I would like to have a family he/she made the comment "You know if I let you work for me I am going to need you to give me a full year before you get pregnant"- he/she then smiled and looked at me and asked "You promise me that you won't, right?" I was blown away at his/her request and replied "I'll think about it."

I know that RN bosses are probably annoyed when they get new nurses hired who then quickly become pregnant, take family leave, reduce hours, etc. I would have no problem with this, say, five years ago, even two years ago. But I will be past 31 years old by the time I graduate. Before this conversation with my boss my husband and I had been talking about trying to get pregnant within the next few months. Now I don't know what to do because my boss is not the real forgiving, accepting type- from previous experience of seeing him/her deal with issues with other RNs, I know I would pay for this decision some how- he/she is vengeful. So I guess I need advice on the best way to deal with this situation. I cannot go to HR because you have to explain the situation which would then be explained to him/her and he/she would know I was the one who said something. Thank in advance who your any advice you can offer.

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Specializes in M/S, LTC, Corrections, PDN & drug rehab.

I'm not an RN but I would try to find another place to work. I know the job market sucks right now but to have a boss like that sounds miserable. Why let someone control your life. I am lucky & when I found out I was pregnant (a surprise) my boss at the time was really cool about it. I had to leave d/t complications of the pregnancy but an old job I had is willing to work with me & my hours. That boss is nice too. I know it's hard to find an understanding boss, but those comments were unexusable! Have kids when you want, not when your job/boss tells you to.

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I have no idea based on the legalities what your potential boss said but I do know how your coworkers may feel and what could happen to you if you get pregnant immediately after hire. Depending on whether you are eligible for FMLA, you could find yourself without a job if you have a pregnancy complication or desire to take off 12 weeks after the baby is born. I'm not saying you shouldn't want to, I'm just saying if you have no FMLA, you might not have your job held.

If you do have FMLA, your employer is only obligated to return you to a similar job, meaning it doesn't have to be in the ICU.

Your coworkers, upon finding out you are pregnant, will likely write you off that you are either not coming back or will reduce your hours to stay home with your baby. My unit recently hired a large number of young nurses and within a month, 4 of them announced they are pregnant, all due around the same time. Since we are self staffed, this puts an additional burden on staff to train nurses not knowing if they will stay or go. Then we have to give up our time off to cover their maternity leave. The last two people who had babies came back only to turn in their resignation.

Maybe this is the fear this manager has. While likely not appropriate that she said what she did out loud, you know where you stand. You are not old by any means. Is it reasonable for you to consider getting a years experience under your belt before you decide to start a family? Getting that first year under your belt is vitally important for further job opportunities.

Good luck making your decision!

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Are you in the US? Even asking the questions about whether you have children or are planning on having them is a violation of state and Federal employment law here.

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I personally would wait at least six months into a nursing job to get pregnant. It helps to get experience and get covered under fmla.

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Specializes in Acute Care, Rehab, Palliative.

And you want to work for this person why?....

What he said is totally out of line and sexist. Dangling a job in front of you and then dictating your personal life is outrageous.You can do better. Working for such a person would be a nightmare.What you do in your personal life is NONE of his business.If he would cross this line what else will he do?

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Specializes in Critical Care, ED, Cath lab, CTPAC,Trauma.

Devils advocate here....say yeah sure....accidents happen.

It's none of their business

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Specializes in Oncology.

It's illegal and completely unprofessional to ask that.

That being said, I cannot emphasis how much taking a maternity leave your first year in a nursing job will set you back, both skill wise and professional relationship wise.

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Since he/she had the nerve to ask such an inappropriate questions, I would tell him/her what they want to hear. And there are so many variables. What would happen if you became pregnant before you graduate? What happens if it takes a while to get pregnant? Some people have to "try" to get pregnant for a year plus.

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Specializes in NICU, ICU, PICU, Academia.

I would schedule an immediate chat with the head of HR. That is outrageous.

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Specializes in Leadership, Psych, HomeCare, Amb. Care.
I personally would wait at least six months into a nursing job to get pregnant. It helps to get experience and get covered under fmla.

FMLA eligibility is after 12 months

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Right fmla is after 12 months. If you wait 6 months, pregnancy is nine. You you be there a year at six months pregnant and deliver three months later

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