Gay Nurses... help!

I am not a nurse yet and I am not gay. But I really don't think it matters if you like men, women or whatever. Its all about if your a good nurse or not. Thats it period. All you should strive to be is a good nurse and a good friend. As far as your personal life goes, only tell what you feel comfortable with and when you feel comfortable. You dont' owe anyone any explinations. You should be free to be who you are.

You should be yourself and pay no attention to the jerks that might offend you. I for one am one of those jerks, I have gotten counseled for the jokes and comments I make. Then again I was brought up in a strong catholic household and Dad is very macho. But I have learned over the years to be more tolerant. Do what you want, but there will be some people that won't be too tolerant.

Yeah, I see your point, and you're right - it's not as easy as it sounds.

I am able to keep my personal life completely apart from my work life where I am right now, but it may be much harder for other people in different situations. It may be harder for me when I make the 'switch' - to nursing.

It's a shame that people make things so dificult for anyone who may be a little bit different than they are.

When I first started working in nursing, 13 yrs ago, I'd sometimes get 'the look' from patients - can't describe it but I always knew exactly what it meant - and if I threw in 'my wife' or 'my kids' into the conversation, I could instantly see 'the look' vanish. That doesn't happen very much at all anymore. 13 yrs ago, there were so few male nurses that 'all male nurses are gay' was an ingrained stereotype. We live in a different world today - there are far more men in nursing and that trend will only continue.

I disagree that you can work in such close environs and not share some personal info with your co-workers. Establishing professional relationships requires some personal disclosure. We don’t live in compartments, professional here, and personal there. I mean, think about it, trust and confidence in you are vetted determinations – they come w/ time and experience w/ you. If you withhold all personal relationships, you will have a problem w/ being considered aloof or cold – and that would affect your professional relationships.

It has been my experience that most nurse's stations are literal Peyton Places of personal information. I couldn’t see how you could hide who you are for long, and the effort to do so would seem to me to be just too much dang stress – and pronoun management.

Will some people be comfortable with it and some uncomfortable? Of course. You have to read each individual – and give details of your life based on that. That’s not the same as saying that you should remain ‘in the closet’ to co-workers that would have a problem, but you can certainly de-emphasize your conversation in that vein in front of them. The bottom line, as co-workers, we have to work together which means some give and take on lots of issues, including this.

All relationships are negotiations, even professional ones. I have an avid interest in politics – but I don’t discuss politics w/ my co-workers that I know their eyes will glaze over. Same w/ sports, etc. etc. Being gay I would think would be very similar. Most all my co-workers know I’m very political and a huge Astros fan (I was at yesterday’s 18 inning game – Holy Toledo!) – but to the ones that aren’t interested, I shy away from the topics.

I would think that most of your co-workers should have come to terms with this issue anyway. It is my experience that there is either a higher percentage of gays in nursing, or at the least, a higher percentage of gay nurses willing to be ‘out’ about it. As such, most of your co-workers should have had ample opportunity to ‘get over it’ long before you.

As far as patients go, your relationship to them is far more temporary. I would think it would be, if not appropriate, then certainly more convenient to not bring it up and only disclose that info rarely. The older generation is much more fixed on their stereotypes and a few days exposure to a challenge of those stereotypes are not only not going to change them – whether they are sick enough to be in the hospital or family member stressed over their loved ones being in the hospital – that probably isn’t the best psychological environment to deal, anyway.

To me, patients and family members can be unpredictable at times, largely due to trying to process stress and grief. Everybody’s breaking point is different. I try to be cordial, open and receptive to families/patients, but I rarely disclose enough information about myself that I would be concerned IF the dynamic of the relationship changed – think stages of grief, anger and denial.

Don’t know if that helps

~faith,
Timothy.

Gay people have been masters at this for eons. We are masters at hiding our true selves. Sure people wonder about the guy without a wife or kids and his "roommate", and gossip and talk about him behind his back. But don't ask, don't tell, has ruled the lives of gay men for years. It's only been a recent phenomenon that this hasn't been the case, but it still is the case for a lot of homosexuals, thus the delimema of the original poster, because in all parts of the world it still isn't easy. For most people it just no big deal to work in such close environs and make friends and talk about "my wife this and my wife that, my kids this and my kids that".

sorry, triple posted here.

opps

True enough - but I meant this in the capacity of previous posters saying that your personal life shouldn't be part of work, anyway. I was just commenting that that is highly unlikely in most contexts.

And to the extent that gay people are masters at hiding - it's not very healthy. We are creatures designed to be very expressive and withholding that is not only very stressful, it probably does detract from your professional relationships - precisely because of all the innuendo you mention.

If you don't tell people who you are, people tend to make assumptions. It's human nature.

~faith,
Timothy.

I am not gay but one thing I can tell you is that most people do not care if you are gay or not. What they care is that you can get the job done.

I realize I took your post out of context. I agree when people work together there's no point is keeping quiet and just be worker bees. Some people give too much information, but friendly chatting is natural and healthy. People are social animals.

I agree it's not healthy to repress who you are. This is why the suicide and alocholism/drug addiction rate is high in gay people. Probably why too when people do feel safe they go overboard with the flambouyancy you see in parades and festivals like Southern Decadence in New Orleans or Halloween in Key West. Or the promiscuity that killed tens and thousands of gay men in the 70s/80s.