For extroverts...please don't ask me

  1. 20
    "Why?"
    "Why am I quiet?"
    "Why am I alone?"
    Stop. Please just stop.
    Stop asking what's wrong.
    Stop asking for my problem.
    Stop making me feel inhuman.
    Stop making me feel inadequate.
    Stop acting like I do not belong here.
    It makes me start to think that I'm bad.
    I don't even see the need to bother me.
    I do care for people as much as you do.
    I also do work like the rest of you all.
    You say that I do not laugh enough.
    But dear, you are not even funny.
    You say that I rarely talk much.
    You don't talk to me neither.
    Do you understand?
    So please, please,
    ****.

    - an introvert nurse

    It's so sad that even amongst nurses, introverts are some kind of "abomination." Please you're making some of us miserable...
    Last edit by hazyblue on Feb 11, '13 : Reason: OCD
    jennyy, Nccity2002, gloryfied, and 17 others like this.
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  3. 37 Comments so far...

  4. 2
    I'm an introvert too. Huzzah!
    etymed and prnqday like this.
  5. 2
    Sorry you are being treated this way. Would it be too much to fake it at times? You know , just feed them enough so that you are not seen as an outcast but not so much they you change who you are. I'm a extrovert but sometimes I just don't feel like being bothered at work with questions or jokes. I may fake a laugh here or there and offer my two cents but then I'll find an excuse to back out the convo. It has worked for me so far, my coworkers love me.What I realize is that 80 percent of nursing is a contributed to how we get along with others. Relationship with our peers can make or break our career. I had a friend that was once fired for not being "bubbly" enough at work. I thought it was extreme but it does happen. Sorry if I gave too much. Your vent is very much understood.
    somenurse and devonette like this.
  6. 9
    I don't like the label "Introvert" because it has negative connotations. People think we're shy or lack confidence - not so - at least in my case. I just prefer lower social density. My work (teaching, nursing, etc.) is with people - and I have no problems being 'on stage' when I need to. But I prefer solitude. Continuous social interaction saps my energy. In group situations, I prefer positions at the outside where I can observe but not be forced to interact too much.

    Have you done any personality explorations? If you haven't done one, I would suggest doing the Enneagram to see where you fall on that spectrum. It was right on target for me - much better than any MBTI-type instruments. I am a solid "5", aka "the observer" - LOL. If nothing else, you may gain some personal insight & be able to help others understand that you are not an object of pity or defective in any way.

    I also HIGHLY RECOMMEND reading Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talk by Susan Cain... it's a revelation. (http://www.amazon.com/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-Talking/dp/0307352153/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1360690248&sr=1-1&keywords=introvert) It's available for Kindle.
    jennyy, Marshall1, poppycat, and 6 others like this.
  7. 0
    I really like being an introvert, myself, but I feel you on how it makes interaction with peers awkward. I either click really well with people, or am generally uninterested, and if we don't have anything in common (like the coworkers at the retail job I work now to put myself through nursing school), it's really noticeably bad. I do try to make conversation and fit in, but it just becomes strikingly obvious that I do not have kids, do not have a SO currently, do not want any of these things, and do not share the same interests as my coworkers. Maybe as I start to hang around other career-oriented people, that will change, but it's never really changed before, so maybe not. People can tell when I don't share their interests for my own life, and they mark me as weird because of it.

    There is nothing wrong with being an introvert, though. Yeah, people will misunderstand you, but you just set them straight and it should be fine. I have no social anxiety, no I'm not sad because I'm sitting alone on my lunch break reading a book, no I don't need help with interaction -- I'M FINE! They'll get it eventually, but it's give and take. Try and meet them in the middle. Talk a bit, make small chatter (even though I know it's painful for you), and then disengage and go on about your work.
  8. 0
    Aw, i do feel bad for the OP, it's obvious she is tired of something at her job.

    //"You say that I rarely talk much.
    You don't talk to me neither."//

    You do not wish for them to talk to you, or you do wish they would talk to you?


    At any rate, imo, there is a difference, between being a quiet person, and like, someone who can't occasionally smile now and then, til everyone figures out who they are.(a quiet person)
    All creatures have body language, and an immobile face, accompanied by zero verbal participation could indicate, or could be mistaken for signs that one is upset, annoyed, etc.
    that is why they are all asking you.

    So, if that is NOT the case, then no harm in throwing out an occasional smile, every once in a while, just to help your coworkers sort out you are quiet, but, not unhappy. Otherwise, it might be, they have zero feedback from you at all, to allay their worry you are upset. but, probably, overtime, they will learn who you are, and stop asking you how you are.

    Maybe no words even req'd, but, an occasional smile could help. If they saw an occasional smile (even if remark was not hilarious) they might stop worrying something is wrong/you are sad/you are upset, maybe if you smile now and then, they'd stop asking you questions which you find annoying. then maybe you could get the 'room' you seem to desire.

    I'm only guessing, but, i imagine the people asking you if you are okay, had good intentions, even if the result was you felt annoyed by the questions, i bet their intent was good or kind. I bet the last thing they wanted was to annoy you, i bet they genuinely meant well by asking. They were probably trying to make you feel "included" or cared about, even if it landed wrong in your ear.

    good luck!!
    Last edit by somenurse on Feb 12, '13
  9. 0
    Also, if you have very dense coworkers, you could answer, with small smile, "Nope, i am fine. I am just a quiet person, i don't talk a lot, but, i am fine."

    After enough times, seems like they'd get it.
  10. 4
    You are SOOO going to love this! I know nobody's gonna believe me when I say this, but... this is me.


    http://www.ted.com/talks/susan_cain_...ntroverts.html
    Altra, mizfradd, Skips, and 1 other like this.
  11. 1
    If you're extremely introverted it can make other people feel uncomfortable. That doesn't mean you have to change, just that you might have to learn a few tricks so others know you're not snobby or asocial.

    It might help you to study Myers Briggs personality types to understand yourself better and learn how to work better with people of different types. If you're not familiar with it, a good book to get an overview is Keirsey's "Please Understand Me." Most libararies have it.
    Amazon.com: Please Understand Me: Character and Temperament Types (9780960695409): David Keirsey, Marilyn Bates: Books

    If you already understand Myers Briggs then check out one of these books on using the concept to help you in your job.
    Type Use For Everyday Life - MBTI Type at Work
    ShyeoftheTiger likes this.
  12. 9
    Flaming extrovert here, however not only do I respect introverts, I wish I could be one. Can't seem to celebrate anything without 76 trombones in the big parade, can't seem to fail without a spectacular display of fireworks. Believe me, I'd LOVE to be a little less "out there".
    rubato, Altra, DeepFriedRN, and 6 others like this.


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