"If they really cared about their mom, they wouldn't of put her in a nursing home"

Specialties Geriatric

Published

Related to complaints about nursing homes I've heard arguments like "If they really loved her, they wouldn't have put her in a home. They'd take care of her themselves, nothing is more important than family."

Also, "What do you expect when you go to the cheapest possible nursing home/whatever medicare will pay for. If they really cared they'd put her in a more expensive/better nursing home".

What are your ideas about these opinions?

Hey kids -

I'm available! I'll marry your son - I'm sure he makes more than enough to support you, me and his sons. Of course, we'll have to have my father move in when he can't take care of himself - what's one more mouth to feed? And I'm sure he can afford to put in the stair glide my father will need. But wait - what about my father's lady friend? He won't want to leave her. Maybe she can move in too. And she had to place her handicapped daughter when the care got to be too much, so we better add her in.

Boy - your son may have to take a second or third job to support all of us and he may drop dead of a heart attack from all that work but I guess that's what life insurance is for, right?

But...but...but...where in your plan do you take care of meeeeeee? :crying2:

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Our Dad is paying roughly $30K per year for part-time home health aides, plus my sisters and I each chip in $5K each to help pay for the aide and various household and medical expenses. Apart from Dad's occasional short-term hospital stays partly paid for by Medicare, no one in my family has ever rec'd any handouts from the govt. Apart from the military, the 3 largest taxpayer supported programs are social security, Medicaid and Medicare. The majority of Medicaid expenditures go to nursing homes instead of paying for preventive and basic pediatric care for children whose entire lives are ahead of them. If the 4 members of my family are paying in the middle five figures all out of pocket, then WHY should our taxes go to pay for other people's parents who are in nursing homes? Yes, it is my business how my taxes are spent, and while I'm glad to have taxes for the military, police and fire dept as well as innocent children with their whole lives ahead of them, why should I have to pay for long tem care expenses of other people when we're paying in the five figures out of pocket? Families should take care if their own, and those without children should buy long term care insurance and save for the future. I strongly resent getting no help for our Dad while other people get lavish handouts from the govt, medicaid pts. The nh field is recession proof, and while the wages are pathetic for the pink collar workers, it provides steady employment for people unable to make it in competitive, challenging fields.

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From: a LTC nurse (me)

To: anyone that wants to judge a person for making that decision

Get a life! What should bother you are the negative outlooks and comments about LTCs when you don't even know what we do and what we are all about. LTC has changed over the last 10 yrs and heck..over the last year. Most LTC centers should not be called Long Term Care but most are more like short term rehab or skilled nursing centers. Yes...we still have our long term patients, but for the most part, our residents are short term and will go home within a month or so or maybe longer depending on what is going on.

Most are too sick to go home or maybe (insert most of what was said above) cannot go home.

The people that work in LTC are not doing it for the fame or money or because they are poor nurses. (insert the 100s of reasons we do work in LTC)

Face it LTC, nursing homes, rehab centers etc serve a purpose. They are changing and here to stay in one form or another. '

I have to laugh when people describe it as "dumping" Most our resients have realy involved family or friends and we see them weekly if not daily. Nursing homes are not prisons...our residents come and go (doc appts, family gatherings etc)

Yes...the staffing is sometimes horrible...that needs to be changed and I'd love to know the answer to this one.

Mildly off topic.....

I got an e-mail from someone a few days ago... I thought it was a brilliant idea (though they were looking at it from a national debt issue- not sure THAT would work, but anyhoo, it was interesting). It would help a couple of things (at minimum). :)

Switch out the funding for nursing homes with that of prisons..... that way, the elderly who have not committed any crimes- or completed their sentences- would have FREE healthcare, room, board, education, physical fitness equipment, libraries, lawyers, someone to check on them every 20 minutes, private rooms, free TV, a snack shop, etc..... and the prisoners (while not getting what they deserve) will have to PAY for their lodging and amenities. :up: :twocents:

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Specializes in Trauma Surgery, Nursing Management.

jackson,

for the sake of easy reading, i have responded in blue.

i whole-heartedly agree w some of the posters who've pointed out how some old people have been abusive to their children and do not deserve to have loving caregivers. if someone has been abusive or destructive they definitely deserve to be gotten rid of in a nursing home

ok-let's just stop right here. "gotten rid of"? is this truly how you see placing an elderly person who needs round the clock care in a nursing home? to provide further examples of how distasteful this statement appears would be to repeat several statements from other members.

and maybe even let the nh staff mistreat the abusive oldster as payback for what they've done in the past.

how in the heck is abuse ever justified? eye for an eye became passe...oh, about 2,011 years ago. revenge is never graceful. forgiveness can be, if all parties are agreeable.

however, how can anyone w a heart put an innocent disabled child or innocent but frail old person into a nh?

if the innocent disabled child/frail old person becomes a danger to themselves and others (again, many members have provided adequate examples), then isn't the safest and kindest choice to have them supervised and cared for by trained health care providers? what if the innocent disabled child decides to jump from the terrace to the cement walkway below because he wants to be just like superman? disability comes in all forms, not just physical.

the key to whether an old person should b kept at home is whether they deserve loving attentive care at the end.

i respectfully disagree with you. the key is safety. you should never have to 'earn' safety. do you know who maslow is?

for typical frail elderly people w no prior hx of abuse to their children the only responsible decision is to keep them at home and find a job w flexible hours so you can be at home part time and hire an aide for when you're at work.

oh wow...remember that this is a nursing forum. we don't make a ton of money to hire aides. or maids, or have our wives quit their jobs to stay at home, or even to buy that $15,000 bed that grandma needs for home care. maybe we could consider taking out a second mortgage, though.

the census reports an increase in multiple generational households made up of two or more generations of adults which indicates that some cultures do have family values and respect for their parents. it seems that mainstream non-minority, non-immigrant cultures are most likely to take the easy way out and put their parents into a nh.

again, 'the easy way out' is the way you see it. again, safety is the issue.

alot of dual careers couples who claim to be unable to care for elderly parents use the wife's income for ski trips, vacations in europe and mexico, private schools & colleges, gas guzzling suv's and high tech entertainment systems.

really? quite the blanket statement there, jackson. it is a slap in the face to those who sacrifice so much of the things that they have spent a lifetime building...all to see it fade away with each hefty payment to the snf. sounds uncaring, eh?

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Specializes in geriatrics.

See there you go again, jackson. More judgment in that last post...you just don't get it. You have no right to judge anyone. If your situation works, great. But we're all very different.

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My grandma is in her 60's and so far her health is ok but if she ever got really sick or unable to care for herself she would probably be in a nursing home because even though she was a wonderful mother to my mom and her siblings, my mom, aunts and uncles do not have much education and mostly make minimum wage, they are gone from morning until after 4pm so not only would they not have the money to care for my grandma but they would hardly b home during the week. I hope I make enough money that unfortunately when it comes the time my mom needs care I can keep her home, but if that is not possible no one should judge me or anyone else for why they put their loved ones in a nursing care facility and that also goes for people who have to put their disabled kids in care. If the person judging is so concerned about how others treat their loved ones do something about it to help or shut up.

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Specializes in LTC, Hospice, Case Management.
and while the wages are pathetic for the pink collar workers, it provides steady employment for people unable to make it in competitive, challenging fields.

biting my tongue....tongue beginning to bleed....reminding myself i like allnurses and the wrong comment could get me kicked off. send tongue bandages quickly - i am on coumadin. afterall, i'm just a lowly ltc worker and couldn't possibly handle this myself.

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I whole-heartedly agree w some of the posters who've pointed out how some old people have been abusive to their children and do not deserve to have loving caregivers. If someone has been abusive or destructive they definitely deserve to be gotten rid of in a nursing home and maybe even let the nh staff mistreat the abusive oldster as payback for what they've done in the past.

However, how can anyone w a heart put an innocent disabled child or innocent but frail old person into a nh? The key to whether an old person should b kept at home is whether they deserve loving attentive care at the end. For typical frail elderly people w no prior hx of abuse to their children the only responsible decision is to keep them at home and find a job w flexible hours so you can be at home part time and hire an aide for when you're at work. The Census reports an increase in multiple generational households made up of two or more generations of adults which indicates that some cultures do have family values and respect for their parents. It seems that mainstream non-minority, non-immigrant cultures are most likely to take the easy way out and put their parents into a nh. Alot of dual careers couples who claim to be unable to care for elderly parents use the wife's income for ski trips, vacations in Europe and Mexico, private schools & colleges, gas guzzling SUV's and high tech entertainment systems.

A 5 foot 10 inch, 150 pound CONTRACTED teenager with severe developmental disabilities needs a LOT more than what home care with no additional help can provide. You've heard enough examples about the elderly...and if that hasn't at least caused a bit of thought, the rest of these posts are absolutely pointless- so not for you.

The Census reports probably didn't highlight the families that are living together d/t foreclosed houses, did it? Or were those foreclosures only in certain cultures?

Since you are the only person on the planet with a heart, open a facility for the rest of us Cretans. :up: THEN, we'll all stay home and protect our families :D Shoot- WE'LL all move in together. :yeah:

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Specializes in Gerontology.
But...but...but...where in your plan do you take care of meeeeeee? :crying2:

Oh - you are at the top of the list. You will be the Queen Bee of us all!

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Our Dad is paying roughly $30K per year for part-time home health aides, plus my sisters and I each chip in $5K each to help pay for the aide and various household and medical expenses. Apart from Dad's occasional short-term hospital stays partly paid for by Medicare, no one in my family has ever rec'd any handouts from the govt. Apart from the military, the 3 largest taxpayer supported programs are social security, Medicaid and Medicare. The majority of Medicaid expenditures go to nursing homes instead of paying for preventive and basic pediatric care for children whose entire lives are ahead of them. If the 4 members of my family are paying in the middle five figures all out of pocket, then WHY should our taxes go to pay for other people's parents who are in nursing homes? Yes, it is my business how my taxes are spent, and while I'm glad to have taxes for the military, police and fire dept as well as innocent children with their whole lives ahead of them, why should I have to pay for long tem care expenses of other people when we're paying in the five figures out of pocket? Families should take care if their own, and those without children should buy long term care insurance and save for the future. I strongly resent getting no help for our Dad while other people get lavish handouts from the govt, medicaid pts. The nh field is recession proof, and while the wages are pathetic for the pink collar workers, it provides steady employment for people unable to make it in competitive, challenging fields.

Would you like a cookie, or Bozo button? :D If someone can pay for home care that's great; most don't have a spare 30K per year to stay home and pay someone else to come in. He's very fortunate. Got some data from Medicaid itself re: how it spends its money? Your specific taxes aren't used for Medicaid.... they wouldn't take your money; bad for their image :up: And that's not good. You all must be SO wealthy, that you aren't aware of what "the little people" deal with daily. Very sad.

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Specializes in geriatrics.

That's what gets me. Not only the posts re: anti nursing homes, but the posts that degrade LTC workers. As though we have no skills. LTC is actually VERY skilled, and people who don't want to be there shouldn't be.

Just who made Jackson the expert? Wow. And not even a nurse, right? So no comment should be made.

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Specializes in Medical.

I'm not going to address Jackson's posts - if none of the responses so far have caused any kind of attitude shift then there's no point. Besides, I already called troll.

I think it's criminal that we disrespect the specialised care and attention skilled Aged, SUpervised and High Level Care residents need and deserve. If we did then not only would these areas be adequately staffed, by a combination of qualified and adjuctant staff, but these people would be appropriately paid.

Every Single Time I care for patients with long term high level care needs who also have behavioural issues, treatment-resistant psychiatric conditions, substance abuse problems, altered cognition, developmental delay, or other complicating aspect, I give thanks that I'm only involved in the acute care. I truly don't know how the staff caring for these patients longterm do such a great job - I appreciate and respect their work, and wish more people felt the same way.

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