Your Start in Life Doesn't Matter as Much as Where You End Up - page 2

My name is _____, and I am a nurse who climbed a series of uphill battles to get to the place where I am today. I'm a firm believer that your origins in life do not carry nearly as much importance... Read More

  1. Visit  LadyFree28 profile page
    1
    Quote from Orange Tree
    I also think it's important to realize that not everybody has the intelligence and/or emotional stability to rise above their circumstances. There's a difference between a being poor with an alcoholic mother and being severely abused, even tortured, for many years. Some people are "excuse makers" and "non-responsibility takers", but some people truly are victims and realistically have very little hope of becoming productive members of society.
    OrangeTree, why do you think that people "truly are victims"??? I just am trying to clarify...being a "former victim"-I guess-I just want to understand your thinking. There were a lot of people who refused to help me because of the assumption that I had very little hope of contributing to society, and because of that I "deserved" to stay on welfare or Social Security, or that I could never practice being a nurse again because of my trauma, etc., etc. Not to sound as if I'm harping on you, because navigating from setbacks is a trauma in itself, but if people believe that people deserve the access of every opportunity possible and had the choice available consistently, I think eventually, people would be able to position themselves in a better position. There are people who people assume are "victims", yet, because of dignity continue to work, go to school, etc, even though what they do "may not contribute to society", but gives them a reason to live and respect themselves, despite their interpersonal challenges.
    MBARNBSN likes this.
  2. Visit  SaoirseRN profile page
    0
    Thank you for this. Too many people hide behind their pasts and play the victim role.
  3. Visit  Orange Tree profile page
    1
    Quote from LadyFree28
    OrangeTree, why do you think that people "truly are victims"??? I just am trying to clarify...being a "former victim"-I guess-I just want to understand your thinking. There were a lot of people who refused to help me because of the assumption that I had very little hope of contributing to society, and because of that I "deserved" to stay on welfare or Social Security, or that I could never practice being a nurse again because of my trauma, etc., etc. Not to sound as if I'm harping on you, because navigating from setbacks is a trauma in itself, but if people believe that people deserve the access of every opportunity possible and had the choice available consistently, I think eventually, people would be able to position themselves in a better position. There are people who people assume are "victims", yet, because of dignity continue to work, go to school, etc, even though what they do "may not contribute to society", but gives them a reason to live and respect themselves, despite their interpersonal challenges.
    No one "deserves" to have a horrible life. I'm not against helping people, either. I just think we should understand that people have different levels of insight and capability. There may be people who tried just as hard as you did, but got only half as far...or maybe they got as far as you did, but then knocked back down to where they started through no fault of their own. It's not always a person's mentality that keeps them down, in other words.
    MBARNBSN likes this.
  4. Visit  amygarside profile page
    0
    Great piece of writing!
  5. Visit  LadyFree28 profile page
    0
    Quote from Orange Tree

    No one "deserves" to have a horrible life. I'm not against helping people, either. I just think we should understand that people have different levels of insight and capability. There may be people who tried just as hard as you did, but got only half as far...or maybe they got as far as you did, but then knocked back down to where they started through no fault of their own. It's not always a person's mentality that keeps them down, in other words.
    I understand your insight.


    Even if they got half as far, went through the process and went back where they started that may still be successful. ..moving forward, attempting to move forward, the effort, regardless, to me, is positive in itself. People truly have a choice, even amongst their circumstances, even against all odds, to be an agent of change. I wouldn't label them a victim if their chances are slim...because of circumstance. That's when people who survive and thrive come in, especially for the ones who do want an opportunity, a change. Life truly gives you a chance tho show you how you're built, and I've seen people who people may think don't have the intestinal fortitude turn at least something into nothing.

    My point is when society works more interdependently for the common good, there is an opportunity for success. Even for those who do stay "in their circumstances" (for example, an illiterate parent works hard, puts their child through college, child becomes successful, despite NEVER learning how to read and taking menial jobs) helps someone else out in order for them to be successful, I STILL don't call them "victims"...I guess my thing is that we really should call people "victims" of circumstance, when there are many factors for opportunities for victory, regardless of a starting point.
  6. Visit  Kimynurse profile page
    0
    Quote from Orange Tree
    I also think it's important to realize that not everybody has the intelligence and/or emotional stability to rise above their circumstances. There's a difference between a being poor with an alcoholic mother and being severely abused, even tortured, for many years. Some people are "excuse makers" and "non-responsibility takers", but some people truly are victims and realistically have very little hope of becoming productive members of society.

    I don't agree with that.
    I was molested from the time I could remember till about 13 or so.
    I'm not saying I didn't have tough years, or sometimes don't struggle with this, but I became a better person to spite my molester.
  7. Visit  Stephalump profile page
    3
    Quote from Kimynurse

    I don't agree with that.
    I was molested from the time I could remember till about 13 or so.
    I'm not saying I didn't have tough years, or sometimes don't struggle with this, but I became a better person to spite my molester.
    That's awesome that you've been able to grow from such a terrible situation! Many props to you.
    I don't think though, that success negates OrangeTree's point. There are people with the support, emotional fortitude, and intelligence to overcome anything life throws their way, and clearly you fit into that mold. But there are others who don't and it isn't my place to sit in my ivory tower and judge others for how they've handled their lives. No two situations are identical, as are no two people. Some people just cannot pick up the pieces - they don't know how.
    SmoothJams, KCMedic, and Orange Tree like this.
  8. Visit  Kimynurse profile page
    1
    Quote from Stephalump

    That's awesome that you've been able to grow from such a terrible situation! Many props to you.
    I don't think though, that success negates OrangeTree's point. There are people with the support, emotional fortitude, and intelligence to overcome anything life throws their way, and clearly you fit into that mold. But there are others who don't and it isn't my place to sit in my ivory tower and judge others for how they've handled their lives. No two situations are identical, as are no two people. Some people just cannot pick up the pieces - they don't know how.
    I now see both your points, I try never to judge, and I did, and I'm sorry for that.

    I guess I've worked so hard to overcome, I forget how hard it was, and how lucky I am to get out kinda unscathed
    Orange Tree likes this.
  9. Visit  VitalReviver profile page
    0
    This is wonderful!
  10. Visit  RNdynamic profile page
    0
    Is this story actually true, or is purely fabricated by the OP?
  11. Visit  TheCommuter profile page
    0
    Quote from RNdynamic
    Is this story actually true, or is purely fabricated by the OP?
    I'm the author of the article, and there are no fabrications whatsoever. I do not have the time, inclination, or energy to lie about my distant past or present. In fact, I've posted about events that took place during my childhood on and off during the eight years that I've been a member of Allnurses.com.

    Thank you for reading.
    Last edit by TheCommuter on Jan 2, '13
  12. Visit  mymy1219 profile page
    0
    Quote from TheCommuter
    My name is _____, and I am a nurse who climbed a series of uphill battles to get to the place where I am today.

    I’m a firm believer that your origins in life do not carry nearly as much importance as your present or future. Even if you had a less-than-ideal start during your growing-up years, this upbringing will not necessarily decide your future unless you purposely adopt the mentality of a perpetual victim.

    I am the only child of married parents who were in their early twenties at the time of my birth (1981). At the time, my mother was a production line worker at a solar products factory and remained employed at the same job site for more than 24 years. My father was an entry level technician at an electronics company. Although they had no education or formal vocational training beyond the high school level, their combined incomes enabled them to afford extras such as occasional restaurant meals, toys, nice clothes, trips to the hair salon, and day trips.

    Fast forward a few years. I was five years old when my father abruptly quit his job at the electronics company that had employed him for eight years. He began abusing alcohol, became addicted to illegal drugs, and no longer wanted anyone to have any authority over him, including workplace supervisors and bosses. It pains me to mention that, during these years, his priority in life revolved around chasing the next high. His behavior became volatile, and sometimes he was downright violent.

    Some people would say that letting young children know about household financial difficulties is unacceptable. However, my mother’s modest pay was the only source of money, and she really could not hide the fact that the refrigerator was empty. She could not dance around the fact that the telephone service was disconnected. She could not keep secret the one time the electricity had been turned off. She could not withhold the fact that the car was repossessed. She could not conceal the one time when no Christmas presents appeared under the tree.

    My father had been out of the labor force for nearly four years when he stopped using drugs and secured employment. However, self-inflicted long term unemployment damaged his career to the point where his next string of jobs were rather menial with low earnings. It was still up to my mother’s income to keep the household afloat.

    I have a myriad of horrid memories from my early and middle childhood years. However, I feel that my unpleasant experiences strengthened my character in a way nothing else possibly could. During my preteen years I decided that I never wanted to use drugs, be in an unhealthy relationship, or struggle financially. I realized that education was a ticket to a better life.

    To keep a long story short, I earned good grades while in school and accepted responsibility for anything that was not going well in my life. I refused to be a victim. As a young adult I sought professional help to address the demons from my past. I obtained marketable job training to lessen the likelihood of slipping into poverty. I imagined myself in a better place, and in a few years, I actually ended up in a better place.

    In other words, your start in life doesn’t matter as much as where you end up. An optimistic outlook and a proactive approach to handling situations will help you thrive in the face of adversity. You can have almost anything you want out of life as long as you work toward it and keep up the persistence. Good luck to anyone out there who feels trapped in an uphill battle, for you are not stuck unless you choose to be a victim.
    I love everything you said thank you for sharing this
  13. Visit  mymy1219 profile page
    0
    Quote from Kimynurse

    Way to go, my life was not easy either.

    I was molested for years, by my grandfather, my parents divorced, we had no money. My mom did the best she could, I was told I was stupid , and thrown into special Ed in fifth grade, and was counted out. No one ever thought I would amount to anything, but a looser.
    In high school, I just wanted to survive, my grandmother with Alzheimer's lived part of the time with us, I would have to stay home with her. I worked through high school, I drank a little smoked some pot, I did graduate barley.

    I worked hard after high school, went to professional help , got married to a super supportive husband, the first year we were married we found out we couldn't have children, the second year we were married we found out my husband has MS. My mother got I'll, was in the hospital for 17 months straight in and out for 5 years, after all that I decided to follow my heart, and go to school to become a nurse.

    In 2007 I looked into schools, 2008 started a LPN program, 2008 graduated, and was valedictorian ( not bad for a sped), started my pre- recs., and I'm starting an RN program in January.

    I am thankful to be able to get up every morning, and care for people. I'm extremely optimistic
    Wow congratulations


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