Nursing school is killing my relationship!

[jarielle22]

Hey guys. My name is Jenna and I'm 22 and engaged. Before nursing school my fiancé and I were fantastic but a year into nursing school (with a year left) it has been entirely difficult. We both knew it was going to be really hard, but it's to a point where we have no energy to keep trying. School has brought down my bubbly personality and demeanor and has sucked the energy from me. All my fiancé and I do is fight probably because we never see each other and when we do I fall asleep. My question to my nurses and nursing students is, how do you save your relationship during nursing school? How do you have a successful relationship? This is so hard for us. Things at enjoy going well.

Thank you for any input and advice!

Sincerely,

Jenna

[graphicdesigner22]

I'm a nursing student's wife and I'll tell you that it's no fun on either side of this process. This is also my second marriage so this definitely scares me to death to hear all this talk about nursing students and divorce. My only advice to you is both of you need to walk in each others shoes. I have been both supportive and a brat to my husband, but I love him incredibly and try to understand what he is going through. It's way better to wait until after you are done with this type of schooling before having a relationship at all. I wish I could have met my husband after he was already a nurse. That's how bad it is for the non-nursing student.

[Scuba_NurseBSN]

I am a junior and I have been living with my boyfriend 5 years now. Yes it is hard. Nursing school will really test your relationship. He needs to remember this is one of the hardest things you will ever do in your life. I have the same problem, believe me. There are times where I feel like we aren't meant for each other and that our relationship is doomed. We still have problems it kind of comes with the territory but here is what I do and I think it helps. He makes dinner for me 1 night a week on my longest day of school and clinical. I make dinner for him on his longest day. This nice gesture helps us to appreciate one another. One things I saw on pinterest was a chalk board that read "I love you because..." and you write something they did or said on it. It helps to show you appreciate the little things you do for one another. Because believe me in life and especially in nursing school it's the little things that count! Also one day or weekend you don't have a ton of homework grab a drink together and rent a movie and have a little date night. If you live together have separate area to study (like a spare room) that way when you are in the living room together he knows you are there to chill with him. Having my own study space has kept me from getting irritated by my boyfriend when i am studying. Text each other throughout the day so ask how things are going and to say "I love you". It is hard now, but this is only temporary so keep reminding one another of that. If you guys can make it through this you can make it through just about anything. Good luck.

[RNsRWe, ASN, RN]

Another consideration is how well your SO will hold up with your new working schedule, after you get that first nursing job. It might well be on nights, and your SO is going to want to go out at a time when you are going to work, or might want to meet with friends when all you can think about is getting some sleep.

I had (have! still do, LOL) a solid marriage throughout nursing school, and boy I'm thankful for that. Thing is, marriage gets tested further once you start working some weird hours....and weekends.....and holidays. Your SO's family expects to see you BOTH on Christmas but...nope, you're working then.

It isn't easy, but it IS workable, if both of you are dedicated to working through it. Compromise where you can, and only 'stick to your guns' if it's something you absolutely can't deal with compromising on. But remember, s/he is gonna do the same.

Hang in there. Life's full of challenges, and I personally believe it's nicer facing them with someone you love....rather than having that person BE one of life's challenges

[TLizS]

I haven't read the rest of the comments aside from a few on the first page...so I may be repeating what has already been said.....but here is my two cents....

My husband and I got married when we were young....(I was 20 he was 22)....we have been married for 9 years now....the first few years were VERY VERY VERY hard. It's hard to learn how to be live with/share your EVERYTHING with someone when you are still growing up and figuring out who you are and where you are headed. Add the strains of nursing school on top of all of this and I can guarantee it's not going to be easy. Learn how to communicate effectively. (this was something we struggled with....we really had to learn how to TALK to each other and put all our frustrations aside). Learn what YOU can do to communicate your feelings/frustrations to him without pushing buttons and making him feel threatened (and I am no way saying this is all on you to FIX/work on BUT you can only control your own actions/reactions....and in my experience when I learned how I could best approach him without escalating his emotions he learned how to do that back).

Make time for each other....make your time quality because during nursing school the quantity is lacking. You can't half your life....you have to maintain relationships but be clear about the fact that nursing school is hard and you aren't TRYING to not have time for him. Decide together how you could work in some good quality time.

remind yourselves that this is only temporary.......don't let this discourage you about your future.... nursing school will be over and you will be on to another challenge. Life/marriage is FULL of challenges and a LOT of having a successful marriage is learning how to deal with those challenges TOGETHER

Marriage is a huge learning curve.......you have to grow and learn together and it's for SURE not easy......you will be facing so many things in your futures together that this will seem so small....and know that when you come through this you will be a stronger couple on the other side if you work together to make it work.....

I've always hear that the first few years of being married are the hardest....and I completely agree....I think that is compounded when you are young and just figuring yourselves out.....but here we are 9 years and 2 kids in and we couldn't be happier.....

[TLizS]

It isn't easy, but it IS workable, if both of you are dedicated to working through it. Compromise where you can, and only 'stick to your guns' if it's something you absolutely can't deal with compromising on. But remember, s/he is gonna do the same.

Hang in there. Life's full of challenges, and I personally believe it's nicer facing them with someone you love....rather than having that person BE one of life's challenges

THIS! Compromise is key to making a marriage work.....and if you are gunna stick to your guns make damn sure it's something that is worth the battle and not just you being stubborn (because I am SUPER stubborn lol sooooo that was hard for me). But learning to make sure that the things you are fighting for/over are worth fighting over....I use this with my kids all the time...CHOOSE your battles because I don't wanna fight just for the sake of fighting or because I am frustrated....If I am going to fight it's damn sure gunna be over something important....

[classicdame, MSN, EdD]

if you want someone who will stick with you thru thick and thin - all I can say is you have not met him yet

[Reese2012]

only you will be able to save your relationship. Take it from me, I am a year into my program and am currently living out of state from my husband. I knew I wanted to go to nursing school but I did not realize I would be accepted out of state for it. Anyway, the way we attempt to work things out is we talk everyday on the phone after he gets off of work and while I am studying. We make it a plan to see one another once a month either I go back home or he comes down here. It has worked out and I know it is hard on both of us, but we both know that I need a better career if we eventually want to start a family. You are not in the same boat as me, but in order for things to work you need to communicate on how you both feel and talk things out.

[jarielle22]

Thank you everyone for your comments and advice this has all been so helpful!

[dorkypanda]

Are you still with this person?

How did school go for you?

[ShelbyaStar]

A relationship that can be torn apart by something like nursing school is not a relationship that should turn into a marriage. Sorry.

I mean it's a stressor for sure. I'm sure my husband is a bit frustrated I have less time for him and haven't been keeping up on the house very well. And fights are normal, to an extent. But if he can't understand school is the priority right now or if you are taking your stress out on him, then there is a long, hard road ahead.

[nurseprnRN, BSN, RN]

A relationship that can be torn apart by something like nursing school is not a relationship that should turn into a marriage. Sorry.

I mean it's a stressor for sure. I'm sure my husband is a bit frustrated I have less time for him and haven't been keeping up on the house very well. And fights are normal, to an extent. But if he can't understand school is the priority right now or if you are taking your stress out on him, then there is a long, hard road ahead.

Or ...maybe not so long. Good luck.

Whatever happened?

[jjimbop]

How did you get through it? I am in a long distance relationship with mine and it is driving me nuts! I am very supportive, I wished she would try and find time so that I can feel more involved in her studies. I have been through a similar school that was grueling for 4 years full time, even through summer classes, worked full time, did it without any support, and had to deal with cancer on top of it all. I know the stress and I know what I needed and didn't have...