Husband is not ready for me to go to nursing school!! - page 3

Ok long story short i have always wanted to become a nurse and alot of things were holding me back before. Now i am ready to go get my LVN and then bridge over for my RN but my husband is being mean... Read More

  1. by   Beth1978
    Quote from Davey Do
    Yeah. We men can be like that.
    Davey, I have read your posts for several years and I really can't imagine that kind of behavior from you. It does happen in some relationships though.
  2. by   Elizabeth1414
    Quote from not.done.yet
    You are wanting us to take your side. Your marriage is bigger than your schooling. It could pay a billion dollars, but if your husband is upset by it, you need to listen, and he needs to listen to you as well. You two NEED a trained, neutral party to work through this.
    disagree so much.
    If you're schooling is paid for and won't be putting a strain on your finances, then what's his issue? He sounds controlling. I don't know the situation, but you partner should be so supportive of you getting more education and following your dreams. I don't get it.
    I don't agree with putting a guy ahead of your education/dreams, even if you are married.
  3. by   BSNbeDONE
    You have pre-reqs to be done. Thousands of schools accept CLEP credits. Choose your program, call and speak to an advisor to see which CLEP courses are accepted (or go to their website to find out). Order your study materials, do your reading at home, (or better yet, go to your local Barnes and Noble, and study while you sip a cup-o-joe). When you're ready, schedule your exam for a day that your husband is at work (or school), and begin your degree pursuit without his knowledge, testing out of one college course after another. You can do this without actually enrolling into any school, and your husband would not be the wiser.

    For all he knows, you're just reading leisurely during your free time. Dinner is still on the table when he gets home; the kids are nice-n-neat, and none would be the wiser. By the time you need to actually go sit in a classroom, you guys will have worked things out...hopefully, and you will have knocked out quite a few of those prerequisites, if not most of them.

    This is just one option to achieve your goals while having your husband think he's getting his way. However, the less stressful way is if you guys resolved these issues before school starts for either of you. You wouldn't want to slip up and get caught in all your 'sneakiness' and add even more fuel to the fire. And, you wouldn't want to live with regrets later on for decisions made now. Heaven forbids resentment sets in....not a good place to live.

    My ex-husband did not want me graduating from college, either. But he never actually said that. He simply kept asking me, "Did you fail? Did you fail"? He wanted me to take a job at the nearest Family Dollar. Mind you, I had already been working as an LPN for well-over 20 years. He served me with divorce papers 3 days before I completed my degree. I was devastated, but I did not let that stop me; and the dumb*** has yet to reap one penny of my rewards. I definitely got the last laugh.
  4. by   JackDawson23
    j/c what is he going to school for?
  5. by   Ben_Dover
    I wonder what Superman would do!

    Hmmm...let me think... you guys have 3 kids that are running and pummeling around...so the first question is who would look after them while you're in school and while's he's at work?!
    Next point: You noted the gov't will pay for your school so it sounds like, money is not an issue, that's great. Uhhmm.... wait, it still is a tough call!

    I just realized, it's hard to give an advice coming from me or I'd say from the most of us the fact that none of us are in any of you guys' shoes. I just personally think, your husband's reason is weak and unreasonable.
    Is he concerned about the kids? I wonder if you can put your kids in a day care or after school hour programs?! Would that ease his reservations?!
    And If he really wants to go back to school, what's stopping him from doing it now?

    P.s.
    All I can say is... you'll be married to school once you're in the RN program and it's not just going to school/clinicals on a daily basis but that also includes "your studying time", i.e. homework, writing your careplans, group projects, and so on and so forth. Nonetheless, if you do decide to go to RN school and make it, it will pay-off in the long run financially, may not be a lot but it will help.

    But your relationship, if it sounds rocky now...what more once you're in school?!?! If leaving him is an option so be it, especially if he's impending the growth of your family. You'll never know, you might just find someone's who's very supportive.
    As a matter of fact, I know that there's a lot of single "Mom or Dad - Nurses" out their that are making it on their own and their kids are doing just fine!
    Last edit by Ben_Dover on Sep 22 : Reason: Go for it!!!
  6. by   Jory
    You are in an abusive relationship and the sooner you get your degree, the sooner you can get out.

    You are closer to finishing than he is. He can work and go part-time, just like many others do.

    Kids or no kids, no way would I allow any man to dictate my life like that.
  7. by   AJJKRN
    Quote from Beth1978
    Davey, I have read your posts for several years and I really can't imagine that kind of behavior from you. It does happen in some relationships though.
    I think Davey Do was just being candid with a slight undertone of dark humor myself. I mean, we've come a long way baby...but have we really?

    You've Come a Long Way, Baby (Or Have You?) | HuffPost
  8. by   wannabeny
    I am so sorry you're going through this. I'll tell you the same thing I told my fiance when he flat out stated "I really hope you don't get accepted so we aren't apart", as we would be LDR for 6 months;

    Leave. If you expect me to be unhappy and resentful, you have another thing coming. Your selfishness won't get in the way of my aspirations.

    It was the first time I'd really put my foot down; I have serious boundary issues. Broke up with him for a time and he eventually came back realizing he was being stupid about it.

    Don't let anyone; friends, family, kids,spouse, put you down.

    My father went to fulltime school at 32, with my stepmom working full time, him part time, and having his 5 kids to support.


    My mother started her own business while on welfare with 3 kids to support by herself.

    Things get rough, find a way around or through them. It'll be worth it in the end. I really hope you say to h*ll with it and go for it.rooting for you!
    Last edit by wannabeny on Sep 22 : Reason: I write freaking novels. Im sorry.
  9. by   jessbrown
    Hmm. It sounds like he has some fears of the unknown (Meaning your Husband). Nursing school is, without a doubt, very hard. I have literally put blood, sweat, and tears into becoming a Registered Nurse. My husband at first was very supportive...until semester 3 of the first year. Three years later, I still struggle with balancing school, family, and life. He still gives me grief about studying all of the time and not being able to cook extravagant meals, and how there's still cobwebs in the corner, and how the dog got a hold of some unidentifiable object of some sort (because it's apparently been in the couch for some time), and how it's abnormal that our almost 5 year-old is able to provide "patient education" to his friends who get hurt at school (he tells them to place ice on their boo boos for just a little while, and then take it off, then put it back on). The fact of the matter is this, yes it's going to be very different for you and your family while you're going to school. If becoming a nurse is the only occupation you can see yourself in, if you honestly could not ever envision yourself in any other occupation, because you know that you were born to be a nurse, you can do this 100%. It won't be easy, and anything in life worth working for will never be, but it is 100% do-able. Just keep in mind how much things will change for you guys when you're done! Yes you could have done it when he was a truck driver, when you were younger, before you had kids - but you didn't! Everything happens for a reason. Back then wasn't the right time. I think he's contradicting what he says (telling you not to do it and then telling you to go for it) because he's honestly scared of what will happen; like what he's going to have to help more with, how the kids will handle you not being able to tend to them as much. That's completely normal. Don't be one of those people who always wonders what could have been. Do this for your family, and for yourself.
  10. by   WestKyKing
    Treat Yo Self
  11. by   LovingLife123
    All the people on here saying the OP is in an abisive relationship and just needs to leave her husband really bothers me. None of us know this poster, her husband, her marriage. None of us. There are always three sides to a story and we are only seeing one.

    The OP is asking questions none of us can answer. Sounds like she needs to do some soul searching and have a real discussion with her husband. They have three kids together.

    OP, I hope you have done your research on the job market and nursing in general in your area. Being frustrated with your husband and not understanding his reasoning is one thing. Just going ahead and doing what you want that could be detrimental to your marriage and family is another. Think things through and make the decisions that are right for you.
  12. by   Dragonnurse1
    I went to nursing school with 4 children, 10, 4,2,1 and my husband worked swing shift on the PD. I had some night classes for my non nursing courses and days for everything else. I cooked and fed the kids and put the youngest to bed before I left for classes at night (3 nights per quarter for 3 quarters). I got the kids to school and day care before classes and picked them up after class. I did this for 23 months, graduated and started work on nights. If you want to be a nurse do not let anything stop you and do not use anything as a crutch. My kids "helped Mommy" with her homework, they were part of my getting through school especially my oldest. If you wait 2 years what will you have? You will be 2 years older and no closer to being a nurse. I was 38 years old when I started school and was the second oldest in my class, just go for it.
  13. by   ItsThatJenGirl
    Quote from Jory
    You are in an abusive relationship and the sooner you get your degree, the sooner you can get out.

    You are closer to finishing than he is. He can work and go part-time, just like many others do.

    Kids or no kids, no way would I allow any man to dictate my life like that.
    I can appreciate where you're coming from, but we only have one side of the story. That's not to say that the OP is lying, just that I think it's incredibly premature to claim abuse. And I say this as someone having been in an abusive relationship. It does sound like his behavior raises some red flags and should be addressed - by a professional in a safe setting.

    Just my opinion, of course.

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