Husband is not ready for me to go to nursing school!!

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Ok long story short i have always wanted to become a nurse and alot of things were holding me back before. Now i am ready to go get my LVN and then bridge over for my RN but my husband is being mean about it. I am supposed to start my LVN school January and he told me today that he does not want me to ruin his dreams of graduating because me going to nursing school will set him back from graduating. He hasn't even started school yet. We also have 3 kids and maybe that's why he is freaking out i don't know but i am tired of pushing my dreams back. So i guess i would have to remove myself from the next class that starts in January. He complains about me not doing anything with my life and i go ahead and get accepted and he wants to act like this and goes off on me telling me that i could've done this when he was a truck driver and blah blah blah!! I don't know what to do anymore������

Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
Is he controlling? Maybe he doesn't want you to be able to support yourself and the kids independently of him and his income. If your school will be free and you can pay rent, electric, etc, maybe he is scared that you will leave him and he is lashing out.

Yeah. We men can be like that.

SOME men can be like that. If the OP is married to a controlling man, she will NEVER be able to please him. The more she DISpleases him, the more controlling he will be. The more controlling he is, the more likely he is to become abusive. Giving up on school to please a man like that is an inherently bad move. He cannot ever be pleased, and eventually the OP may be forced to support her three children on her own. Doing so with an education and a professional license is one thing; doing it without is quite another.

While it isn't easy, it is possible to complete nursing school without the support of one's partner. It's possible even if the partner is actively trying to make life difficult for the OP. It does not sound as if finances are the reason for this man's attitude . . . I'd encourage the OP to read "Why Does He Do That?" by Lindsay Bancroft or "Should I Stay Or Should I Go?" by the same author. Read it BEFORE going to counseling. Going to couples counseling with a controlling or abusive man is a potentially dangerous move. Perhaps the OP would be better off in individual counseling.

I realize that my opinion and advice is colored by my own history of controlling and abusive men. But there are so many red flags in the OP's words I fear for her.

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OP, I am also going to put another factor in this. You said he was a truck driver? WHEN is he going to find time to go to school and study? A lot of schools offer online courses for him (My own husband just finished his Bachelors, and it was done online). That's point 1. Point 2. He's not even started looking, you have. Go for it!! Point 3. He's mad at you, (and I'm putting a 'what if' in here) he gets mad and quits? Or he doesn't want to start because of his job? Or can't start or ... you fill in some lame excuse. If you have someone paying for it and have money for bills and what not as well as childcare, I do not see what is holding you back. I am finally starting the nursing pre-reqs because now is the time I can do so. You can do this!! There are a lot of ladies and gents here in this community who can and will give you support when you are feeling low. Do it and don't look back.

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Yeah. We men can be like that.

Davey, I have read your posts for several years and I really can't imagine that kind of behavior from you. It does happen in some relationships though.

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You are wanting us to take your side. Your marriage is bigger than your schooling. It could pay a billion dollars, but if your husband is upset by it, you need to listen, and he needs to listen to you as well. You two NEED a trained, neutral party to work through this.

disagree so much.

If you're schooling is paid for and won't be putting a strain on your finances, then what's his issue? He sounds controlling. I don't know the situation, but you partner should be so supportive of you getting more education and following your dreams. I don't get it.

I don't agree with putting a guy ahead of your education/dreams, even if you are married.

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Specializes in Med/Surg, LTACH, LTC, Home Health.

You have pre-reqs to be done. Thousands of schools accept CLEP credits. Choose your program, call and speak to an advisor to see which CLEP courses are accepted (or go to their website to find out). Order your study materials, do your reading at home, (or better yet, go to your local Barnes and Noble, and study while you sip a cup-o-joe). When you're ready, schedule your exam for a day that your husband is at work (or school), and begin your degree pursuit without his knowledge, testing out of one college course after another. You can do this without actually enrolling into any school, and your husband would not be the wiser.

For all he knows, you're just reading leisurely during your free time. Dinner is still on the table when he gets home; the kids are nice-n-neat, and none would be the wiser. By the time you need to actually go sit in a classroom, you guys will have worked things out...hopefully, and you will have knocked out quite a few of those prerequisites, if not most of them.

This is just one option to achieve your goals while having your husband think he's getting his way. However, the less stressful way is if you guys resolved these issues before school starts for either of you. You wouldn't want to slip up and get caught in all your 'sneakiness' and add even more fuel to the fire. And, you wouldn't want to live with regrets later on for decisions made now. Heaven forbids resentment sets in....not a good place to live.

My ex-husband did not want me graduating from college, either. But he never actually said that. He simply kept asking me, "Did you fail? Did you fail"? He wanted me to take a job at the nearest Family Dollar. Mind you, I had already been working as an LPN for well-over 20 years. He served me with divorce papers 3 days before I completed my degree. I was devastated, but I did not let that stop me; and the dumb*** has yet to reap one penny of my rewards. I definitely got the last laugh.:D

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j/c what is he going to school for?

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I wonder what Superman would do!

Hmmm...let me think... you guys have 3 kids that are running and pummeling around...so the first question is who would look after them while you're in school and while's he's at work?!

Next point: You noted the gov't will pay for your school so it sounds like, money is not an issue, that's great. Uhhmm.... wait, it still is a tough call! :woot:

I just realized, it's hard to give an advice coming from me or I'd say from the most of us the fact that none of us are in any of you guys' shoes. I just personally think, your husband's reason is weak and unreasonable.

Is he concerned about the kids? I wonder if you can put your kids in a day care or after school hour programs?! Would that ease his reservations?!

And If he really wants to go back to school, what's stopping him from doing it now?

P.s.

All I can say is... you'll be married to school once you're in the RN program and it's not just going to school/clinicals on a daily basis but that also includes "your studying time", i.e. homework, writing your careplans, group projects, and so on and so forth. Nonetheless, if you do decide to go to RN school and make it, it will pay-off in the long run financially, may not be a lot but it will help.

But your relationship, if it sounds rocky now...what more once you're in school?!?! If leaving him is an option so be it, especially if he's impending the growth of your family. You'll never know, you might just find someone's who's very supportive. :inlove:

As a matter of fact, I know that there's a lot of single "Mom or Dad - Nurses" out their that are making it on their own and their kids are doing just fine! :up:

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You are in an abusive relationship and the sooner you get your degree, the sooner you can get out.

You are closer to finishing than he is. He can work and go part-time, just like many others do.

Kids or no kids, no way would I allow any man to dictate my life like that.

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Specializes in Medical-Surgical/Float Pool/Stepdown.
Davey, I have read your posts for several years and I really can't imagine that kind of behavior from you. It does happen in some relationships though.

I think Davey Do was just being candid with a slight undertone of dark humor myself. I mean, we've come a long way baby...but have we really?

You've Come a Long Way, Baby (Or Have You?) | HuffPost

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I am so sorry you're going through this. I'll tell you the same thing I told my fiance when he flat out stated "I really hope you don't get accepted so we aren't apart", as we would be LDR for 6 months;

Leave. If you expect me to be unhappy and resentful, you have another thing coming. Your selfishness won't get in the way of my aspirations.

It was the first time I'd really put my foot down; I have serious boundary issues. Broke up with him for a time and he eventually came back realizing he was being stupid about it.

Don't let anyone; friends, family, kids,spouse, put you down.

My father went to fulltime school at 32, with my stepmom working full time, him part time, and having his 5 kids to support.

My mother started her own business while on welfare with 3 kids to support by herself.

Things get rough, find a way around or through them. It'll be worth it in the end. I really hope you say to h*ll with it and go for it.rooting for you!

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Hmm. It sounds like he has some fears of the unknown (Meaning your Husband). Nursing school is, without a doubt, very hard. I have literally put blood, sweat, and tears into becoming a Registered Nurse. My husband at first was very supportive...until semester 3 of the first year. Three years later, I still struggle with balancing school, family, and life. He still gives me grief about studying all of the time and not being able to cook extravagant meals, and how there's still cobwebs in the corner, and how the dog got a hold of some unidentifiable object of some sort (because it's apparently been in the couch for some time), and how it's abnormal that our almost 5 year-old is able to provide "patient education" to his friends who get hurt at school (he tells them to place ice on their boo boos for just a little while, and then take it off, then put it back on). The fact of the matter is this, yes it's going to be very different for you and your family while you're going to school. If becoming a nurse is the only occupation you can see yourself in, if you honestly could not ever envision yourself in any other occupation, because you know that you were born to be a nurse, you can do this 100%. It won't be easy, and anything in life worth working for will never be, but it is 100% do-able. Just keep in mind how much things will change for you guys when you're done! Yes you could have done it when he was a truck driver, when you were younger, before you had kids - but you didn't! Everything happens for a reason. Back then wasn't the right time. I think he's contradicting what he says (telling you not to do it and then telling you to go for it) because he's honestly scared of what will happen; like what he's going to have to help more with, how the kids will handle you not being able to tend to them as much. That's completely normal. Don't be one of those people who always wonders what could have been. Do this for your family, and for yourself.

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Treat Yo Self

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