Broke and about to be more broke!

Stephalump · Jul 28, 2012

yup, choice is important. One is responsible for the consequences of those choices.

That is true across the board. In this particular area, there is no such thing as a choice without consequences - which are tolerable for a family and which aren't are purely preference, extreme problems being the exception. I would rather work 3 days a week as a nurse than have my children never see their father and I never see my husband. I would rather expose my children to childcare than be powerless in a financial crisis. The time to start a career is not when you desperately need money - it's before.

In 2009, my husband's business went under, thanks to the economy. In the same week, we lost our home in a fire. After spending our savings on hotels and basic survival, we were infomed that we would not be able to move back home and were left completely desitute and homeless in a terrible economy. Am I educated? Yes. But I sacrified putting my education to good use to stay at home with my children and my lack of job experience (zero job experience) left me unable to even secure a job as a sacker at a grocery store. While my husband worked odd jobs trying to rebuild his company or find a steady job with another company, I was almost powerless to do a thing other than send out 10,000 resumes and be available to watch the kids whenever my husband had a one-off job come up, because he could make as much as I could 5xs as quickly. And I was fortunate to watch from the room he built us, beam by beam, in a barn behind a friend's property so we could have a roof over our head.

Trust me, I've lived the consequences of my choice to be a stay at home mother, and I'll continue to live them. But, and pardon me for being a little Scarlett O'Hara, we will never go hungry again...at least not without a fight.

CRNBSN18 · Jul 28, 2012

And just to add. I never thought I would want to go back to school. I didn't think I was smart enough. Sure, i've always dreamed of being a nurse but didn't think I could ever make it happen. Choosing to do so was a big step for me. I was going to stick it out as a surg tech because I didn't think I was smart enough. Then, I had my med terminology instructor, a vascular surgeon, who had overheard what I really Want to do. And since then, he would bug me about it every single class. He pushed me and helped me to see that I am smart enough and good enough. Schooling has kind of went from there. I am very proud of myself and I love my kids. I am glad that they will be able to be proud of me. My 4 year old already is. We are okay on my husbands salary but there is no extra for doing things. We get by. Paycheck to paycheck. My dream has always been to

Be a nurse. And since I finally wanted to give my dreams a chance, I went for it. The plus side is that we will have extra wiggle room

And I will be able to help provide for us. I didn't have much at all as a kid. I remember going to school without lunch money and not having clothes. It was rough. And I never want that for my kids. I want to be able to pay for their college, take them on trips, help take some of the burden off of my husband, and make sure that we have whatever we need. It has nothing to do with being materialistic. I am not a materialistic person at all. This means that I can fulfill my dream and help make a good life for my family. I didn't decide to do this for money. No amount of money is worth being away from my children. I have had a really hard life. I never Want that for them. I am a very caring and compassionate person. I don't have a mean bone in my body. I'm always helping others and thinking of others over myself. I am dedicated to this profession and very passionate about it. Anyone who knows me can vouch for any of these characters of mine. I want to make a difference somehow, in someones life. And I will. That doesn't make me a bad mom. My 4 year old telling me that he is proud of me is the BEST thing in the world.

I have always been against my kids going to daycare but it's what has to be done. That being said, picking out one that was to my standards was very tedious. We live in a small rural town. I do believe I made the best, appropriate decision in the one that I picked. We visited yesterday, and my VERY VERY shy 2 year old even hugged his teacher. Kids are a pretty good judge of character. And knowing my kids, if they are comfortable enough around them, then there must be something good about them. I checked them out top to bottom, I assure you. Certificates and all. And I asked a million questions. I'm okay with my decision. Even if it makes me feel bad. They are excited about it though and loved being there yesterday.

SunshineDaisy, ASN, RN · Jul 28, 2012

I'm just wondering, what happens when your children grow up and leave the nest? What do SAHM's do then? It's not the 50's anymore. We don't have the hope of SS in our retirement ages anymore. The divorce rate is MUCH higher than it was then. How do we secure our future? My children are still young as well, 7 and 4 1/2, and I have stayed home with them since my son was born. It was hard, I had severe PPD with both of them, it put a strain on my marriage. Being a SAHM was never in my plans. I always intended to work, even if it was PT. I am not SAHM material, and I knew that going in, but that doesn't mean I don't love my children any less. It doesn't make me a bad mom. I was alos lucky enough that my husband was able to make barely enough money for me to stay home and go to school as well. When I do start work my kids will both be in school. I love working. I love being a "nurse". I love helping people. And I love that I am setting an example for my kids. They have seen how hard I have worked to pursue my dreams, so they will know that whatever their dreams are are possible. I am looking forward to have the ability to take my kids on vacations. To go see the world. My husband is a school teacher. We have enough money to survive but that;s about all. I am looking forward to giving my kids experiences that I won't be able to give them as a SAHM. We have so many plans, and not all of them are materialistic (yes, I want to buy a new car when I start working, sue me :-p).

CRNBSN18 · Jul 28, 2012

I just figured out how to edit on my phone lol. Anyways. I explained myself. And I will not do so any further. Everyone has their own opinions and I respect that. Judgement just should not be cast upon others doing what is best for their family. Every situation is different. Good luck to you all, and God bless! I'm dreading the start of school for them. Time is approaching and it's making me very nervous. The only relief I have is knowing they are in a safe environment, and that they will be happy there.

Stephalump · Jul 28, 2012

I just figured out how to edit on my phone lol. Anyways. I explained myself. And I will not do so any further. Everyone has their own opinions and I respect that. Judgement just should not be cast upon others doing what is best for their family. Every situation is different. Good luck to you all, and God bless! I'm dreading the start of school for them. Time is approaching and it's making me very nervous. The only relief I have is knowing they are in a safe environment, and that they will be happy there.

Keep your chin up! You know your life story, your experiences, and your children better than anyone else, so pay no mind to the options of others. I'm all for outside perspective, but when it comes to major life decisions, I wouldn't expect anything from an online forum but blah blah blah.

The reality is, while women have become liberated enough to be "allowed" to fulfill their dreams, we're still being saddled with guilt from it. If you don't want kids, there's something wrong with you. If you want 16 kids, there's something wrong with you. If you want to work, you're shirking your primary duties. If you don't have a job outside the home, you're worthless.

And sadly, it comes from just as many women as men, if not more.

Judging by all your previous posts, I'm sure you'll do great, and I think you have your children's best interest at heart. But, then again, I'm just another voice on an online forum going blah blah blah

CRNBSN18 · Jul 28, 2012

Keep your chin up! You know your life story, your experiences, and your children better than anyone else, so pay no mind to the options of others. I'm all for outside perspective, but when it comes to major life decisions, I wouldn't expect anything from an online forum but blah blah blah.
The reality is, while women have become liberated enough to be "allowed" to fulfill their dreams, we're still being saddled with guilt from it. If you don't want kids, there's something wrong with you. If you want 16 kids, there's something wrong with you. If you want to work, you're shirking your primary duties. If you don't have a job outside the home, you're worthless.
And sadly, it comes from just as many women as men, if not more.
Judging by all your previous posts, I'm sure you'll do great, and I think you have your children's best interest at heart. But, then again, I'm just another voice on an online forum going blah blah blah

Aww. Thank you, Stephalump! That means a lot. Even from just another voice on an online forum going blah blah blah. lol ;-)

Esme12, ASN, BSN, RN · Jul 28, 2012

That is true across the board. In this particular area, there is no such thing as a choice without consequences - which are tolerable for a family and which aren't are purely preference, extreme problems being the exception. I would rather work 3 days a week as a nurse than have my children never see their father and I never see my husband. I would rather expose my children to childcare than be powerless in a financial crisis. The time to start a career is not when you desperately need money - it's before.
In 2009, my husband's business went under, thanks to the economy. In the same week, we lost our home in a fire. After spending our savings on hotels and basic survival, we were infomed that we would not be able to move back home and were left completely desitute and homeless in a terrible economy. Am I educated? Yes. But I sacrified putting my education to good use to stay at home with my children and my lack of job experience (zero job experience) left me unable to even secure a job as a sacker at a grocery store. While my husband worked odd jobs trying to rebuild his company or find a steady job with another company, I was almost powerless to do a thing other than send out 10,000 resumes and be available to watch the kids whenever my husband had a one-off job come up, because he could make as much as I could 5xs as quickly. And I was fortunate to watch from the room he built us, beam by beam, in a barn behind a friend's property so we could have a roof over our head.
Trust me, I've lived the consequences of my choice to be a stay at home mother, and I'll continue to live them. But, and pardon me for being a little Scarlett O'Hara, we will never go hungry again...at least not without a fight.

I think you will do just fine yourself. Any girl who can quote Scarlett O'hara (my all time best movie) is a girl after my own heart.

I had a house fire and it changes you......:hug::hug:......but remember

"After all....tomorrow is.....another day."

Stephalump · Jul 28, 2012

I think you will do just fine yourself. Any girl who can quote Scarlett O'hara (my all time best movie) is a girl after my own heart.
I had a house fire and it changes you......:hug::hug:......but remember
"After all....tomorrow is.....another day."

Thank you Esme :) Much appreciate.

And, yes, it definitely changes you. Living in a barn for 18 months can do a pretty big number on you, too. I don't think I'd even recognize myself from three years ago!

ToyaB · Jul 29, 2012

This would have been a great supportive thread had it not been ruined by folk who don't know what to say out of their mouths. Ladies, i'm proud of all of us. Our kids are doing awesome! We're living the dream and that is all that matters! :yeah: Carry on sisters! Carry on.:thankya:

~passionateSN~ · Jul 29, 2012

Wow well I wasn't expecting all that from my thread. However, I just want to say that my husband works his butt off to support our family so therefore our daughter must go to daycare and she learns so much! My mom passed away when I was pregnant and she was supposed to be the caregiver to my daughter but things happen that we don't expect and I'm very happy with our daycare. I am not one to be a stay at home mom. Not that I do not love her more than life but I have always been a goal driven person and have always wanted to be a nurse and I am blessed that I have a husband who supports me. my daughter receives everything that she needs and even things that aren't needed and she is very loved and very smart and I wouldn't have it any other way. I'll be glad when I graduate so we won't be broke was my point initially.

BloomNurseRN, ASN, BSN, RN · Jul 29, 2012

I am just venting but my 4 year old daughter didn't qualify for preK so now she has another year in daycare until she starts kindergarten next year! that's 340 extra a month that we do not have but somehow I know we will make it work but it just stresses me. I've been on summer break working at the daycare to help keep us up but my last day is in two weeks am clinicals start back up. I don't graduate until dec 2013 and I sure wish time would speed up!

Wow. This thread quickly spiraled out of control! I am so sorry. I totally understand your frustration. I am currently a full-time student and unemployed SAHM. I was actually the primary income until November. I lost my job (expected but still hard) and now receive unemployment. My daughter is 3 (soon to be 4) and my son is 5 (getting ready to start kindergarten). I definitely am counting down the months to graduation and being able to have a full income to help my husband out more. Keep your head up and know you're not alone! Good luck!

QuietRiot83, BSN, RN · Jul 29, 2012

In reply to the original post, I know how you feel. I decided to go back to school because my previous degree was just not cutting it job- or moneywise. I was able to get loans to help pay for classes up until this year. I still have 3 semesters to go and am now on a serious mission to find ways to pay for them. I had to postpone my studies once already because I became pregnant with my now almost one year old daughter. I was supposed to graduate in May '13 but as of now it was pushed back to December '13...yeah only 1 semester but I am already SOOO ready to be done LOL. I only work part time on the weekends which works with my class schedule when school is in session plus I didn't want to put my daughter in day care until she was one. My boyfriend also works his bum off full time...but money is tight, I am pretty much the breadwinner (another stressful story for another time) and b/c of this I may have to postpone classes for yet another semester in order to make some serious cash to pay for my last year and a half. I am right there with you about finding money for daycare, food, bills, life in general! It's hard to stay positive and not let life stressors derail you from the end goal. Somehow the money will be there, we will get through this!