Better off single?

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To keep this short the woman I have been dating for 5 months is starting her clinicals in August. I was with her during some of her pre-nursing classes and loved helping her study.

She fears that between work and school she won't be able to support a relationship, and is distancing herself. While I am sympathetic to these fears I deeply love this woman and want to help her through if only just to watch her triumph. I understand the lack of time together will be taxing but I'd prefer to look at the long term.

I guess my question boils down to would your life in school truly be better off without any sort of romantic attachment? I certainly don't want to impact her studies negatively, in fact I would relish the opportunity to help (even be a pincushion if necessary). However, if her education would be better off without me I will heed the credo "If you love something, let it go."

Obviously I know there isn't a concrete answer to this, I'm merely looking for feedback from those with experience. Thanks in advance!

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Specializes in Thoracic Cardiovasc ICU Med-Surg.

It's very difficult to be a nursing student AND have a life. Really, really difficult. There is a big difference between the prereqs and the actual nursing classes. You sound supportive so I hope things work out. She may just want to focus on her studies right now.

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I'd say give it a shot. I think it's foolish to just assume it'll be impossible. I started dating someone a few months in to nursing school...he proposed the day before graduation and we've been married for three years. It wasn't always easy but it was great to have him there for support and he understood that I was busy. No relationship is free from external pressure and it could lead to something awesome. And if it doesn't work, at least you won't be left with the "what if..."

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If she really loves you she wouldn't be breaking up with you. It sounds like an excuse.

That seems a bit dramatic.

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I call baloney. Life goes on and people go to school and work, and guess what? They have relationships and babies and weddings and birthdays! . Nursing school is not the hardest thing EVER where you have to sit in an isolated room and eschew all else.

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She didn't break up with me, she has been incredibly stressed and voiced these opinions. I have little insight into the life of a nursing student, and since I sincerely have her best interests at heart I wanted to do my due diligence. I've been browsing forums all evening just to understand the demands and workload.

I appreciate the insight, she is important to me and I would be remiss not see all sides.

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Specializes in NICU, Trauma, Oncology.

This is gonna come off as insensitive but sometimes the truth hurts --- she's just not that into you. While relationships are harder to maintain in nursing school (or any other demanding program) she just wants out and nursing is her excuse.

ETA : I'm married. Have a toddler. Currently excelling in nursing school.

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This is gonna come off as insensitive but sometimes the truth hurts --- she's just not that into you. While relationships are harder to maintain in nursing school (or any other demanding program) she just wants out and nursing is her excuse.

ETA : I'm married. Have a toddler. Currently excelling in nursing school.

I don't know if that's entirely true, it could be a true fear. People come here all the time of worrying about whether they'll be able to balance school/family /work, this is not much different. She's likely been told over and over, like many tell people on here, that nursing school is all consuming and the sacrifices you have to make etc...

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It can be a little stressful trying to balance school/work/life. However I never thought about "breaking up" with anyone just because I would be busy with school. I'm sorry but nursing school is not THAT demanding where you have to devote every single solitary second of your life. Nursing school is tough but it's not impossible. Usually when people start using the "I just don't have time" melodramatic excuse it boils down to the person just not WANTING to make time. As a previous poster stated I think she may be using it as a cop out. You may be really into her but the question to be answered, is she really into you?

For myself I currently work full-time (40 hours a week) school full time and have been in a relationship now going on 2 years. We don't get to do ALL the things we once did because of school and having to study but I will make sure I set aside time to "catch up" during the weekend even if we only catch a quick movie, go grab brunch, or just relax and talk. I can do all these things while maintaining a 3.9 GPA.

So I would ask her what is the "deeper" issue. If you are as supportive as you say you are then she is possibly fearing something deeper with the relationship and using her being in school as an excuse get out without having to say exactly whats on her mind.

Disclaimer: I do not pretend nor contend that I'm a qualified therapist. This post is just to give friendly advice therefore take everything I stated with a grain of salt. :yes:

Good Luck

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Kudos for taking the time to research and caring enough to do so. I personally dumped my boyfriend after I was accepted to nursing school because he wanted to marry me. I feared that our relationship would interfere with my studies and I wanted to give myself the best chance at succeeding. I loved him but I wanted a bright future more. Hang in there and communicate honestly.

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She sounds like how I react in stressful situations (like school). Some people just don't excel in multiple dimensions of their lives and need time to focus on one or compromise both. I think you two should sit down and talk it out about how you really feel about each other and imagine the big picture of your lives. It can be done with her in school and in a relationship but you will just need to give her plenty of space to study while she is going to school (but there might also be a small chance that she wants out and is using school as an excuse). Well, Honesty is the best policy so just talk it out!

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But serious props to how you are so dedicated to her that you are willing to "suffer" through this stage of her life. I hope things work out for you two :)

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