To keep this short the woman I have been dating for 5 months is starting her clinicals in August. I was with her during some of her pre-nursing classes and loved helping her study.
She fears that between work and school she won't be able to support a relationship, and is distancing herself. While I am sympathetic to these fears I deeply love this woman and want to help her through if only just to watch her triumph. I understand the lack of time together will be taxing but I'd prefer to look at the long term.
I guess my question boils down to would your life in school truly be better off without any sort of romantic attachment? I certainly don't want to impact her studies negatively, in fact I would relish the opportunity to help (even be a pincushion if necessary). However, if her education would be better off without me I will heed the credo "If you love something, let it go."
Obviously I know there isn't a concrete answer to this, I'm merely looking for feedback from those with experience. Thanks in advance!
Another person who started dating her boyfriend during nursing school and I don't think I could have done it without him. I'd say you're on the right track with being supportive and perhaps talking to her about how you understand that she will be devoting a lot of time to studying and you respect that and will give her her space may help? I wish you the best of luck!
I'm in the process of divorce before I start nursing school because my husband is a huge narcissist and he did nothing but stress me out when I was trying to complete my prereqs. Oh he claims he loves me, would do anything for me and would never do anything to hurt my schooling all while interrupting my studies because he wasn't getting enough attention or he would send the kids to bother me instead of taking care of them himself. If I wanted to see a tutor or take advantage of quite time by staying after class to study, he would blow up my phone questioning whether I was actually studying or not.
I barely passed my last two classes (Micro and A&P) because of trying to balance his perpetual need for attention and my education, there's NO WAY I'm going to allow him to sabotage nursing school for me.
I'm in the process of divorce before I start nursing school because my husband is a huge narcissist and he did nothing but stress me out when I was trying to complete my prereqs. Oh he claims he loves me, would do anything for me and would never do anything to hurt my schooling all while interrupting my studies because he wasn't getting enough attention or he would send the kids to bother me instead of taking care of them himself. If I wanted to see a tutor or take advantage of quite time by staying after class to study, he would blow up my phone questioning whether I was actually studying or not.
I barely passed my last two classes (Micro and A&P) because of trying to balance his perpetual need for attention and my education, there's NO WAY I'm going to allow him to sabotage nursing school for me.
Till death do us part? Or should it be till nursing school do us part? Sad to see so many families broken because of this... I can't tell you how many times I've seen this exact same scenario
Till death do us part? Or should it be till nursing school do us part? Sad to see so many families broken because of this... I can't tell you how many times I've seen this exact same scenario
The key to marital success is to choose wisely, then treat kindly.
Nothing can fix it if you don't do the first part. It seems the step known as "discernment" is getting routinely left out these days when people choose spouses.
IS that really a credo? Why if you love something would you "let it go" unless it wants let go OF. Yes respecting autonomy is very important and if she wants to break up then so be it. There is no reason why a person cannot have a relationship in nursing school. If they do not want one that is a different story. Based on your posting you appear needy and co dependent if not for any other reason you are posting on a nursing forum about a relationship. Use common sense. In the military we would deploy for over a year and we were still in relationships. If she wants to break up then so be it. Break up and go on with life man. It isn't rocket science.
the short answer will be this : the ONLY way you could make it "work" is to:
1. not question her schedule. if she spends 10 hours at the library, thats the way its gonna be, unless you think you can offer some insight to help her better understand the material.
1B. No, you cant. Not unless youre in nursing school.
2. Not complain about her schedule. If she feels like she needs to spend 10 hours a day at the library studying, you need to be okay with it, and make plans that fit hers. She cant/wont/SHOULDN'T bend her schedule around whats convenient for you. Not for the duration of the program and then some time afterward preparing for the board.
3.Be more understanding than youve ever been in your entire life. About everything. Because she will be coming home angry and depressed and frustrated quite frequently. So if shes telling you a story where she was completely in the wrong and is angry that an instructor reamed on her at clinical today, your response each and every time better be "man..your instructor sounds like a real #$#%^!"
4. Accept that her nursing school friends/study group will have a deeper connection with her at times than you do. Which means after a test or some triumph, she may prefer to go out with her cohort afterward instead of coming to see directly you. Thats something youll have to be okay with because quite frankly they understand each other on a level that you don't.
If you can keep this up for about 2 years (or however long the duration of her program is) without cracking, starting fights, stressing her out, then id say you stand a chance at making it work. Otherwise....well...
Till death do us part? Or should it be till nursing school do us part? Sad to see so many families broken because of this... I can't tell you how many times I've seen this exact same scenario
Everyone's situation is different, in mine 'til death do us part' is quite the reality... My husband is abusive, insecure, controlling and narcissistic. We have been through counseling, I have talked about feelings to the moon and back and it all falls on deaf ears. Narcissists lack empathy and they never believe they do any kind of wrong. I've spent the last 6 years trying to make a relationship work that is distinctly one sided.
I agree with 'choose wisely' and that would be my advice to anyone as well. NEVER go into a relationship thinking you can change certain behaviors because I can promise you that no amount of therapy, patience and love can fix some problems.
My situation isn't the same as everyone's and I do believe that compromise can be made within a loving and whole relationship in order to succeed at any goal, nursing school included. I just choose independence and success over someone trying to maintain control and dependence.
Everyone's situation is different, in mine 'til death do us part' is quite the reality... My husband is abusive, insecure, controlling and narcissistic. We have been through counseling, I have talked about feelings to the moon and back and it all falls on deaf ears. Narcissists lack empathy and they never believe they do any kind of wrong. I've spent the last 6 years trying to make a relationship work that is distinctly one sided.
I agree with 'choose wisely' and that would be my advice to anyone as well. NEVER go into a relationship thinking you can change certain behaviors because I can promise you that no amount of therapy, patience and love can fix some problems.
My situation isn't the same as everyone's and I do believe that compromise can be made within a loving and whole relationship in order to succeed at any goal, nursing school included. I just choose independence and success over someone trying to maintain control and dependence.
Sad to hear your story. I hope you understand (and I think you do) that you are empowered to do what is best for you and your family. Unfortunately like in your husbands case sometimes people are not receptive to change. I wish you success and happiness moving forward.
Newbie_RN17
121 Posts
Another person who started dating her boyfriend during nursing school and I don't think I could have done it without him. I'd say you're on the right track with being supportive and perhaps talking to her about how you understand that she will be devoting a lot of time to studying and you respect that and will give her her space may help? I wish you the best of luck!