You know your pt is a jerk if........

Nurses General Nursing

Published

You know your pt is a jerk if:

1. they demand the catheter out so they can have sex with their girlfriend.

2. they cuss you and everyone in the room out regardless of the situation.

3. they are a no information pt because they were shot and they are mad because they aren't suppossed to be calling people to let they know where they are.

4. they want to leave so they can find the drug dealer that shot them so they can "get my gun and do him before he does me".

Woo, what a night!!!:smackingf

Specializes in Emergency.

LOL!!!

I have had similar "member experiences".

People can get a little crazy in a hospital setting and do things they may not do otherwise.

I had a pt call me to his room saying he was having trouble (not specific). Of course I went to see if he was OK.

Got there and he was actually masturbating!!!! EEEWWWW!!!

He said he needed help, and I promptly said "This is a hospital, not a bad Media movie!" left the room and called his doc, who agreed that if he felt well enough to do that he could go home (thank God!). Fastest discharge I ever did...

Amy

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Specializes in Corrections, Cardiac, Hospice.
We are all that and a bag of... oh wait... Sorry, I was still in 'my world' for a second. Nevermind... Continue.

:chuckle:chuckle:chuckle

OMG! I spit out my pop! Thanks for the laugh, I sure did need it tonight.

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On a happier note, I have found that if I've got someone threatening to go AMA, it takes the wind out of their sails when I come in with the form, tell them I've already called their doctor, and would they like follow the 1 liter fluid restriction / diet / no smoking rule / no narcotics w/o an order, etc. that the doctor ordered or would they just like to sign here. And if you leave AMA, that means you haul your own crap outta here, the minute you sign the form, I'm not your nurse anymore.

There are certainly some folks that I have this approach with. Some, but not all, of the frequent flyers.

But usually, I try to arrange it so that if someone is leaving AMA, that they work out a plan for follow up care in the appropriate clinic. Even if someone is being a jerk, I feel that it is a duty to continue to try to act as their advocate. I disagree that the nurse/patient relationship is severed by signing an AMA. They are going, against medical advice, and I may not support that decision, but I do still want to support the person and behave in a way that is respectful of their choice.

EDIT: That said, I think the biggest jerk is the guy this week who walked out AMA because his doc couldn't d/c him quickly enough. He had come in needing an emergency surgery and had gotten it and lived. Someone else was in the same dire emergency, and that was why the doc was in the OR for so long and couldn't come write the orders. But the guy just could not understand that. He also was ****** that the nurses wouldn't loan him money for take out. We offered to get him anything that he wanted from the cafeteria, which is open 20 hours a day, but he still thought that we should pay for pizza delivery for him.

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Specializes in RN CRRN.

we had one patients family member (oh I won't forget her) who stopped at the nurse's station to tell us that the man in the next room was 'playing with his thingy and I just thought you should know.' The nurse she told this to replied, "Well, it is his." She looked aghast and left huffy. What should we do call a code on it? (someone is choking per se?) oh that was bad but I haven't been to bed yet....

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Specializes in L&D, Family Practice, HHA, IM.

When your homebound pt is an MD who:

1. Hasn't practiced in years and had the nerve to yank out his own IV line w/dirty hands and then critique your fellow RN's IV line placing technique;

2. When this same pt literally flies off to somewhere else in the state to get his rectal abscess I&D'ed and refuse to tells you where he is or what hospital he is in so you can fax over PHI to his new care team;

3. When he comes home w/a wound vac on his rear end and his mother makes excuses for him and his behavior ("my son is such an unselfish man...that's why he is a paraplegic now" *sniff*) and fawns all over him and his father (also an MD) watches like a hawk you while you pack the wound and reapply the vac;

4. When this same pt calls the office and complains to your supervisor about the pt care and denies ever having asked you out to dinner ("I'd like to get to know you better when this is all over with") when she confronts him with this;

5. When this same pt is convinced that the RNs are responsible for his infected abscess (and his dog sleeps in the same bed with him after being outside all day) and wants all RNs to wear surgical masks and scrubs to his house and pitches a fit and yanks off his wound vac and screams at everyone, including his parents;

6. and even his own MD admits that he is a jerk.

Phew! Feel better now!

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Specializes in Operating Room.
we had one patients family member (oh I won't forget her) who stopped at the nurse's station to tell us that the man in the next room was 'playing with his thingy and I just thought you should know.' The nurse she told this to replied, "Well, it is his." She looked aghast and left huffy. What should we do call a code on it? (someone is choking per se?) oh that was bad but I haven't been to bed yet....
Call it a Code J?:lol2::sofahider
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- you have the fortune of taking care of the hospitals own head of anesthesia... who feels nurses are below him.

he will

- tell you how many wash cloths to bath him with

- request how long you make the water run before wetting them and times you.

- has his own buddies in the hospital sneak more pain meds to him if the doc in charge of him has cut him off - and no - he doesnt tell you, so you have no way of knowing what meds, how much or when he has gotten them.

- he changes his OWN pca when you are at lunch.

Bet the whole surgery department was glad he wasn't around!

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Specializes in ICU, Telemetry.

Okay, at the risk of sounding very Southern---

ya'll ain't gonna believe this....

I had a guy who'd had extensive lower abd. surgery, and they did a saddle block d/t his COPD/CHF/crappy ejection fraction, etc. Well, sure enough, his bladder starts distenting within 2 hours of him hitting the floor. Now, this guy had completely refused a foley, but when we explained that a ruptured bladder is a bad, bad thing, he agreed but asked that we try the condom cath. Now, I'm a woman but I've had a foley, and if there was a female version of a condom cath, I'd be asking for that to be tried first, too. I had to very gently explain to the man that he was not a "candidate" for a condom cath. You figure it out.

So now he's mad, the wife is telling him to hush and act like a man (and oh, ain't that going over really well) and I'm trying to get the catheter up him, and the catheter is squirming in my hand because I can't get the ureter straight, since there's not a whole lot for me to anchor on, if you get my drift, and he's cussing me out. Mr. Wonderful snarls, "gee, what's taking so long, it's not like you haven't had your hands on a man's #*#*$ before."

Without blinking an eye, I snapped, "Yes, but not with his wife standing at the foot of the bed."

The wife about died laughing, and I didn't have any more problems with Mr. Wonderful.

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Okay, at the risk of sounding very Southern---

ya'll ain't gonna believe this....

I had a guy who'd had extensive lower abd. surgery, and they did a saddle block d/t his COPD/CHF/crappy ejection fraction, etc. Well, sure enough, his bladder starts distenting within 2 hours of him hitting the floor. Now, this guy had completely refused a foley, but when we explained that a ruptured bladder is a bad, bad thing, he agreed but asked that we try the condom cath. Now, I'm a woman but I've had a foley, and if there was a female version of a condom cath, I'd be asking for that to be tried first, too. I had to very gently explain to the man that he was not a "candidate" for a condom cath. You figure it out.

So now he's mad, the wife is telling him to hush and act like a man (and oh, ain't that going over really well) and I'm trying to get the catheter up him, and the catheter is squirming in my hand because I can't get the ureter straight, since there's not a whole lot for me to anchor on, if you get my drift, and he's cussing me out. Mr. Wonderful snarls, "gee, what's taking so long, it's not like you haven't had your hands on a man's #*#*$ before."

Without blinking an eye, I snapped, "Yes, but not with his wife standing at the foot of the bed."

The wife about died laughing, and I didn't have any more problems with Mr. Wonderful.

"since there's not a whole lot for me to anchor on, if you get my drift."

Who are you to judge!!!

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"since there's not a whole lot for me to anchor on, if you get my drift."

Who are you to judge!!!

oh, you didn't know?

she's married to bigfoot.:coollook:

leslie

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Specializes in Operating Room.

:no:Oh, I've had to cath quite a few of the "shy" memberes(basically, a dimple is there where the member should be) and funny how their owners seem to think they are the most endowed...:imbar

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Specializes in Operating Room.
oh, you didn't know?

she's married to bigfoot.:coollook:

leslie

LOL...:bow:

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