You know your pt is a jerk if........ - page 5

You know your pt is a jerk if: 1. they demand the catheter out so they can have sex with their girlfriend. 2. they cuss you and everyone in the room out regardless of the situation. 3. they are... Read More

  1. by   ShifraPuah
    When your homebound pt is an MD who:

    1. Hasn't practiced in years and had the nerve to yank out his own IV line w/dirty hands and then critique your fellow RN's IV line placing technique;

    2. When this same pt literally flies off to somewhere else in the state to get his rectal abscess I&D'ed and refuse to tells you where he is or what hospital he is in so you can fax over PHI to his new care team;

    3. When he comes home w/a wound vac on his rear end and his mother makes excuses for him and his behavior ("my son is such an unselfish man...that's why he is a paraplegic now" *sniff*) and fawns all over him and his father (also an MD) watches like a hawk you while you pack the wound and reapply the vac;

    4. When this same pt calls the office and complains to your supervisor about the pt care and denies ever having asked you out to dinner ("I'd like to get to know you better when this is all over with") when she confronts him with this;

    5. When this same pt is convinced that the RNs are responsible for his infected abscess (and his dog sleeps in the same bed with him after being outside all day) and wants all RNs to wear surgical masks and scrubs to his house and pitches a fit and yanks off his wound vac and screams at everyone, including his parents;

    6. and even his own MD admits that he is a jerk.

    Phew! Feel better now!
  2. by   GadgetRN71
    Quote from silvergirl
    we had one patients family member (oh I won't forget her) who stopped at the nurse's station to tell us that the man in the next room was 'playing with his thingy and I just thought you should know.' The nurse she told this to replied, "Well, it is his." She looked aghast and left huffy. What should we do call a code on it? (someone is choking per se?) oh that was bad but I haven't been to bed yet....
    Call it a Code J?
  3. by   rph3664
    Quote from mskate
    - you have the fortune of taking care of the hospitals own head of anesthesia... who feels nurses are below him.
    he will
    - tell you how many wash cloths to bath him with
    - request how long you make the water run before wetting them and times you.
    - has his own buddies in the hospital sneak more pain meds to him if the doc in charge of him has cut him off - and no - he doesnt tell you, so you have no way of knowing what meds, how much or when he has gotten them.
    - he changes his OWN pca when you are at lunch.
    Bet the whole surgery department was glad he wasn't around!
  4. by   nerdtonurse?
    Okay, at the risk of sounding very Southern---

    ya'll ain't gonna believe this....

    I had a guy who'd had extensive lower abd. surgery, and they did a saddle block d/t his COPD/CHF/crappy ejection fraction, etc. Well, sure enough, his bladder starts distenting within 2 hours of him hitting the floor. Now, this guy had completely refused a foley, but when we explained that a ruptured bladder is a bad, bad thing, he agreed but asked that we try the condom cath. Now, I'm a woman but I've had a foley, and if there was a female version of a condom cath, I'd be asking for that to be tried first, too. I had to very gently explain to the man that he was not a "candidate" for a condom cath. You figure it out.

    So now he's mad, the wife is telling him to hush and act like a man (and oh, ain't that going over really well) and I'm trying to get the catheter up him, and the catheter is squirming in my hand because I can't get the ureter straight, since there's not a whole lot for me to anchor on, if you get my drift, and he's cussing me out. Mr. Wonderful snarls, "gee, what's taking so long, it's not like you haven't had your hands on a man's #*#*$ before."

    Without blinking an eye, I snapped, "Yes, but not with his wife standing at the foot of the bed."

    The wife about died laughing, and I didn't have any more problems with Mr. Wonderful.
  5. by   conformity
    Quote from nerdtonurse?
    Okay, at the risk of sounding very Southern---

    ya'll ain't gonna believe this....

    I had a guy who'd had extensive lower abd. surgery, and they did a saddle block d/t his COPD/CHF/crappy ejection fraction, etc. Well, sure enough, his bladder starts distenting within 2 hours of him hitting the floor. Now, this guy had completely refused a foley, but when we explained that a ruptured bladder is a bad, bad thing, he agreed but asked that we try the condom cath. Now, I'm a woman but I've had a foley, and if there was a female version of a condom cath, I'd be asking for that to be tried first, too. I had to very gently explain to the man that he was not a "candidate" for a condom cath. You figure it out.

    So now he's mad, the wife is telling him to hush and act like a man (and oh, ain't that going over really well) and I'm trying to get the catheter up him, and the catheter is squirming in my hand because I can't get the ureter straight, since there's not a whole lot for me to anchor on, if you get my drift, and he's cussing me out. Mr. Wonderful snarls, "gee, what's taking so long, it's not like you haven't had your hands on a man's #*#*$ before."

    Without blinking an eye, I snapped, "Yes, but not with his wife standing at the foot of the bed."

    The wife about died laughing, and I didn't have any more problems with Mr. Wonderful.
    "since there's not a whole lot for me to anchor on, if you get my drift."

    Who are you to judge!!!
  6. by   leslie :-D
    Quote from conformity
    "since there's not a whole lot for me to anchor on, if you get my drift."

    Who are you to judge!!!
    oh, you didn't know?
    she's married to bigfoot.

    leslie
  7. by   GadgetRN71
    Oh, I've had to cath quite a few of the "shy" penises(basically, a dimple is there where the penis should be) and funny how their owners seem to think they are the most endowed...:imbar
  8. by   GadgetRN71
    Quote from earle58
    oh, you didn't know?
    she's married to bigfoot.

    leslie
    LOL...
  9. by   nerdtonurse?
    Well, to be technical about it, our condom caths have a 1 inch adhesive strip which encircles the body part, which means the body part in question would have to be greater than 1 inch long. The adhesive strip would have occluded the opening of this particular patient. That's not a "judgemental" reaction, just a flat fact -- he did not qualify for the device.

    What made the guy a jerk to me wasn't his physical situation it was for him to say something like that to another woman, using crude language with his wife at the foot of the bed.
  10. by   abbaking
    Quote from allisongoffRN
    1) Did the thought cross your mind that maybe they would prefer
    a male nurse considering your attitude!

    2) It's not professional when people on this site use threatening tones
    of what they would like to do to patients whether its intentional or
    not!
    There comes a point in time when we all need to vent and get this crap off out chests. Yes, it may be a "professional" website, but we are still people taking care of the scums of the world. If i was a moman and I experienced some of the stuff some male patients do and say to them, I would go Lorena Bobbit on them without thinking twice.

    it just my
  11. by   BlueRidgeHomeRN
    *sigh*



    does school start soon so these bored and boring baby trolls can be otherwise occupied?
  12. by   vickirn1
    Well, not my patient but their family. I work on an acute care unit with a ratio of 1:3. One of my patients was a DNR (which, by the way, I am WELL aware does not mean 'do not treat'). Anyway, this patient consumed 75% of my 12 hour shift that day. He was going downhill, has inoperable cancer, heart in rapid a-flutter (rate 170's), potassium of 6.7, kidneys shutting down, lethargic and unable to take any of his po meds, you name it! After 12 hours of starting 2 different drips, kayexolate enema's, insertion of PICC line, pushing lopressor IV every 2 hours, 2 hour outputs, drawing labs to monitor potassium levels, turning/repositioning/oral care every 2 hours, fighting with ultrasound to have evaluation of kidneys done at bedside per md order, calling MD with updates and lab levels the MPOA, phones the yell at me because the patient wasn't getting his scheduled does of PO lortab!!!! I was never so frustrated in my career. (By the way, in the 4 days I cared for this man I saw this MPOA in to see him once.) The man showed NO signs of pain and I explained this to her and all she had to say was 'I'll take this up with his doctor in the morning' to which I replied...' okay ma'am, have a nice day' and calmly hung up the phone before I screamed!!!! LOL
  13. by   squeakykitty
    Quote from abbaking
    There comes a point in time when we all need to vent and get this crap off out chests. Yes, it may be a "professional" website, but we are still people taking care of the scums of the world. If i was a moman and I experienced some of the stuff some male patients do and say to them, I would go Lorena Bobbit on them without thinking twice.

    it just my
    If I remember right, Lorena Bobbit got off with a slap on the wrist.

close