Why cant we all just get along?

  1. Sometimes I just want the people I work with to like me,to support me etc. and other times Ill take an issue with someone,which ususally alienates them,despite my efforts to be professional.
    How important is it for you that the nurses you work with like you?,talk to you? be friendly? And does the need for love and belonging by your fellow nurses take a priority over speaking your mind about any issue at work which would put you at risk for being alienated from others?
    I know some who never say what they should be said,in a professional manner of course,cause they dont want to be disliked.
    Last edit by ohbet on Oct 6, '02
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  2. 25 Comments

  3. by   midwestRN
    I avoid close friendships at work. I never keep my mouth shut because I'm afraid someone won't like me. It's irrelevant whether my coworkers like me personally, although I do want to be respected professionally. I try to always be friendly, but do not seek out to "make friends".
  4. by   Youda
    Wow, ohbet! You sound like you're really hurting!
    Wish I knew more about the situation or what happened. ???

    Is this a time you need to speak up for yourself, and not just the issues you see that concern you? Are these people who you really care about their opinion of you? Is this a chronic problem where you work, and maybe it's time to find a place more supportive?

    {{{{{{{{ohbit}}}}}}}} Hang in there! I hear that you're a caring and kind person from your post. Don't let coworkers make you feel otherwise.
  5. by   rebelwaclause
    I left work a few hours back pondering how the #$%* some nurses have made it as far as they do, based on their personalities and character. I'm not in any position to do a character analysis on anyone - I've got my own stuff. But mayun, I work with a veteran 25 year in the field RN who act's like a two year old. Example, I can be getting important information from another nurse, and she'll interrupt us and start talking about her nail polish color. I had a patient who's O2 sats had declined to 89%. The patients cold extremities didn't help to make it accurate, so I was doing the usual, warming the arms & hands, trying a toe, finally her ear gave me a reading. The two year old 25 year veteran RN grabs the pulse-ox and begins to ask the CNA who was assisting me to take hers, because she just had to know what hers was. Whenever I'm deep in thought charting, she makes an effort to come over and chit-chat about something other than work. BUGS ME to no end. So....would I [love to nurture a friendship with her outside of work.....NOT EVEN!

    The other member is the RN who turns everything into a "me" issue and glorifies the victim within. I can say "Hey _____, how are you today" at the beginning of the shift, and she'll start in about how everyone does her wrong and how she doesn't speak up when she should and how it has effected her GI mobility. No friendship brewing here either.

    Some of the other staff members? PLEASE don't take this the wrong way when I say if I could understand what they where saying, maybe I could hear something we may have in common. Unfortunately...Every other word sounds like "click-click, knock-knock", and I cannot hang. [Brian - I need a dialectizer for Ebo (African) Tagalog (Filipino) and Hindi (Indian). ] Perhaps its time I took a second language class.

    I'm outspoken when it comes to patient care or fairness in staffing issues. (PM shift is getting fishy with assigning patients with less acuity and no admissions to oncoming
    nursing "friends" ... "Cheating" and dumping hard cases and new admits on docile or other unsuspecting staff....Hmmmph!).

    Other nurses and ancillary staff members don't have to like me - I'm here and do it for the patient, is a motto that I work by.

    I have friends that aren't nurses, which helps to keep me sane. And of course fellowshipping with my family here at allnurses.com. Very comforting to know understanding is here.
  6. by   mario_ragucci
    Originally posted by ohbet

    How important is it for you that the nurses you work with like you?,talk to you? be friendly? And does the need for love and belonging by your fellow nurses take a priority over speaking your mind about any issue at work which would put you at risk for being alienated from others?
    Well, in answer to your first query, I have no direct control over whether another co-worker will like me or not. I have found that there are people who don't like me no matter what (perhaps 1.5%), but I can always sense this, and at this point have learned to write it off as collateral damage and feel sorry for them.

    It's as basic as cell respiration that people communicate with each other in a positive way. Yule hear some bark out about it not being necessary to talk to anyone, and it's not a requirement, but don't you kid yourself. If you have a propensity to be congenial and emenate positive thoughts and others around you deflect your positive energy, just hold steady. It's always the right thing to do to want to talk with others. Some, however, are mentally unable to carry themselves in a positive manner, again, just pity them and TRY NOT TO let it get you down.

    So far, I have not had an opportunity to speak my mind at work because everything is prettty much laid out and I am in agreement with the professionalism needed to heal life. Thereis really not much my single mind speaking can do when it comes to working on the floor in a hospital.

    Your all right. Embrace your uneasiness with burned-out people, recognize your goodness in doing no wrong to promote communication, and shine on!
  7. by   micro
    ditto'
  8. by   Nurse Ratched
    Work is work. While I have a couple of people there for whom I feel a personal bond, and will do "outside work" stuff with, I generally try hard not to confuse work relationships with friendships. And that's just because as you inferred in your original post, it interferes with your ability to speak your mind when necessary.

    That doesn't mean I'm not friendly tho - you need to forge bonds to promote teamwork. But when there is a personal relationship (big generalization coming here) women are notoriously bad about not being able to differentiate between a legitimate professional concern and a personal insult - that is, between expressing dislike of an action versus dislike of the person.
  9. by   Gardengal
    I'd rather be able to speak my own mind in the interest of my patients or unit operations than be friends with everyone. I have a few 'true friends" who I met at work and do things with out of work. I have many friendly acquaintances at work and have a few persons who I merely tolerate or who only tolerate me.
    I'd rather we all treat each other with respect and have friendly relationships than try to be best friends with all of my coworkers.
    When I say friendly acquaintances that does not mean that we do not occcasionally have group social events from work. We do and those who attend enjoy them.
  10. by   sjoe
    I already had posted this on the *****ing thread, so will recopy it here. The widespread expectation that the following game may be involved could be part of the answer. When you expect that people are going to attack you, or that they always have ulterior motives, it's hard to "just get along." IMHO.

    Wurtzel, Elizabeth, B*tch: In Praise of Difficult Women, Doubleday, NY, 1998. (censorship supplied by this BB)

    page 14 "According to psychologist Robert Cairns, girls, at around age ten, develop a powerful, sophisticated technique that, although not physically assertive, uses alienation and rumor-mongering to vanquish a rival," writes Michael Segell in one of Esquire's periodic attempts to remind its readers why women are not to be trusted. "This style of indirect aggression can emotionally devastate the victim, who often has no idea why, or even by whom, she's being attacked. Organizing social intrigues as a way of ganging up on a peer not only prolongs conflict but kindles larger group discord. As girls enter adulthood, they become even more skilled at using gossip, aspersions, and social ostracism to assault their adversaries."

    (I remember this starting in the second grade, when we were only 7 years old. I've always thought of it as the "Let's not talk to Suzy today" syndrome.)
  11. by   Love-A-Nurse
    "how important is it for you that the nurses you work with like you?,talk to you? be friendly?"


    it is important to have a good rapport but not for others to like me on my job. there will be those who are drawn to you no matter what and others will not.

    if we can have an understand that patients are the main priority and communicate effectivelly regarding them, then, we have talked.

    friendly is necessary as well.

    i have seen some (not you in particular) that do not know how to seperate being supervisor and being someone's "friend" and those "friends" do not want the supervisor to supervise and the "trouble" starts.

    i have not any problems with being a supervisor and i can "mingle" as well.

    it we all got alone it would be a ponder as to why but we all need a great rapport to work and facilitate good patient care.
  12. by   live4today
    Originally posted by midwestRN
    I avoid close friendships at work. I never keep my mouth shut because I'm afraid someone won't like me. It's irrelevant whether my coworkers like me personally, although I do want to be respected professionally. I try to always be friendly, but do not seek out to "make friends".
    My sentiments exactly, midwestRN! Thumbs up on your take on this matter!
  13. by   hoolahan
    I used to care, now I don't. I guess somewhere about age 35, I stopped worrying about what others thought of me, and started worrying more about what I thought of me. I take no shyt whatsoever. Not to say I don't have a sense of humor, but I just am not concerned about if people like me at work. I have been much happier since then! I am nice to everyone and if they are not nice in return, like Mario said, their loss!
  14. by   MollyMo
    Support you? Yes, you need that. You need to know who you can count on in a pinch. Like you? Not necessary. Get along? Tolerate you for the sake of a shift not filled with tension? Act professional towards you? MANDATORY!!! There have been nurses that I flat out didn't like for one reason or another to whom and for whom I've been a resource person. But other than professional conversation, I had nothing to do with them. The person who took offense to you speaking your mind was going to take offense regardless of how it was said. Some people can't take criticism or advice. Not speaking your mind for the sake of getting along isn't being true to yourself. And nobody has to look at you in the mirror but you. And it doesn't help you patients either.

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