What NOT/Never to talk about at work...

Nurses General Nursing

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Okay, the closed "Religion and Nursing" thread made 1 thing very clear to me. There are things at work/school you should NOT, NOT, NOT talk about unless you are absolutely sure that everyone else is in the same boat as you and therefore no possibilty that anyone feels threatened.

From the thread, we all know religion (#1 thing NOT to talk about!) is one of these things.

Someone on the thread said something to the likes, "MY mommy told me never to talk about money, politics, religion, or sex" in polite company. "Polite company" meaning, i guess, any group of people who are not close friends. I think this truism is basically true.

My examples:

So, I made a mistake at a first job by taking my co-workers for close buddies and expressing freely my ideas about sex and how it should be. BIG MISTAKE! Led to major misunderstandings and embarrassment... (#2 thing NOT to talk about!)

Then, even though I wanted them to stop and didn't want to hear it, I let co-workers complain, jabber, and gossip to me about the poltics of the company and who was making more $$$ than whom. BIG MISTAKE! I felt uncomfortable and distrusting of my supervisors and personally under a microscope by everyone and felt like I was being dishonest by hearing bad things about people and then going to work with them the whole time while I was there. I felt like spurting out everything that was being said to relieve the tension and distrust. I should have just told them to keep their ramblings to themselves. (#3 and #4 things NOT to talk about!)

CONCLUSION: The best conflict resolution technnique is conflict avoidance. Anyone want to add their own experiences to these examples or better yet, add other things that u think one should NOT to talk about to my list of "THINGS NOT, NOT, NOT :nono: to Talk about at Work" ?

Specializes in LDRP; Education.
I learned in Nursing school not to talk about my problems with trying to have children. I learned that there was v. little tolerance to such a situation.

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Agreed. I've gone through the same thing.

Before I add to the list let me share a personal point.

Before a move I worked with only 20 other nurses. EVERYONE was open and honest about themselves. We listened to a gay nurse who was dumped from a long term relationship. Held parties in our own homes for births and engadgements. Supported three female nurses through the deaths of their husbands. Listened as one put down a dog (child to her) of 14 yrs. Some of the group was known to swap churches on sundays.(no one was ever put off by their discussions). we swapped X-mas presents, held birthday parties.

Before report I could say to both a day and night shift nurse..you'd never believe the arguement I just had with the hubby right before I left.... and they'd listen... and I'd just feel BETTER!, not vunerable.

I just loved each crazy quirk about each of them. Even one nurse that would roll his eyes at me when I offered to help turn his patient as he sat on his butt, we worked it out by my joking with him. (he HATED me for a long while until I decided to break through what ever it was he didn't like about me) This isn't retrospective. We bickered and argued, and settled our differences. Sometimes a peer stepped in to facilitate but we worked it through.

We had a nurse transfer in who was just plain trouble. trying to pit staff against each other, spreading rumors. We began to talk about it and finally started saying... we don't talk about each other. what exactly are you trying to do by saying that. Don't discuss her, she's not here. No backbitting. period.

I miss it terribly. Seeing a post where people can't be themselves reminds me of where I am now and what I had. I too work at a place where I wouldn 't share a bit of personal data but the basics even if my job depended on it... because they are vultures looking for any weakness. Worse part is that I don't even know where to begin to change it and doubt that you can :uhoh3:

But really wish it was otherwise. Before I went to work with friends. Now I don't go to work to make friends, just work.

Really stinks because it could be sooo much better.

So, I wouldn't share any personal data showing any weakness until I was comfortable with that particular person. Then a person at a time, I might divulge a small bit of myself and see what comes back to haunt me... never saying the same bit to a second person so I could trace the source. It's like a minefield being in a new facility. I'm a novelty now and everyone is trying to pry personal data from me. Until I'm more comfortable and aware... no one is getting a single piece.

sorry, my long winded two cents worth a penny :chuckle

Specializes in Med-Surg, Long Term Care.

On our unit, it's almost always so darn busy that we don't have TIME to talk about personal stuff. There've been many times when a co-worker has been away on vacation and returns after two weeks and all you have time to say is, "Did you have a good time?" and/or "Good to have you back!" The only time we get to chat is outside of work at a gathering to celebrate a graduation or someone leaving. If politics/religion/sex topics arise, I generally keep quiet unless I'm asked a direct question. I'm very conservative politically and religiously and it's not too "PC" to hold some of the beliefs I have. I pretty much just want to get along with everybody, in the long run.

Discretion is the better part of valor. :)

Specializes in Critical Care, ER.

Well. I think the issue is not so much what to talk about as who you discuss it with. The problem is that all that smiles is not a friend so occasionally you get burned by thehypocrite or the just plain psycho. I have had plenty of decent convos about politics at work but one story is out of this world bizarro so I thought I'd share.

I was working as a unit secretary on PEDS and I got along OK with all the nurses. Well one nurse in particular was interesting to me because she was jewish and my history is jewish even though I wasn't raised in the culture. Well one night we're all sitting at the unit station and she is telling all the other nurses (Christians) about the history of the state of Israel and OMG it was just SOOOOOOO biased. Well I introduced my opinion and she told me on several occasions during the convo that I needed to learn my history and that I didn't know what I was talking about. Well, after thinking about what to do about it, I took a moment when she was in the break room alone to approach and tell her (by the book y'all) that I was hurt that she made those statements and I felt that she was accusing me of being a reconstructivist or something. Well, before I could finish my sentence she was pounding her fists on the table and yelling at me about how she didn't know what I was talking about and I could get her fired. I mean WTF???! Well. later she starts calling the supervisor at the unit station and complaining at the top of her lungs about me accusing her of blah blah blah. Well, she then proceeded to yell at the supervisor and state that I was being anti-semitic and demand a review from HR. Alot of bull later, all parties involved agreed that she was off her rocker but we did find out that she had been fired from another hospital for having an argument with a Palistinean MD.

Well, I quite that job to go to nursing school but imagine my surprise when I see her name on the list for PEDS rotation instructor!!!! OMG!!!!!!!

Well, would you believe that she converted to catholicism and was showing films on Mother Theresa and birth control to the clinical students??!!!!

Well, she got fired from both the hospital AND the clinical instructor job. Now, you'd think I'd feel revindicated but the truth is I feel sorry for her children (she was going through a nasty divorce).

Now, I wish I could say the moral of this story is don't talk politics/religion at work but the REAL moral of the story is assess whom you speak to. A few of my friends on the unit had warned me about her instability so maybe it was just as much my poor judgement as her neurosis.

Wow bluesky! I'm in shock right now.....

we had an agency nurse one time that practically preached us about the coming of the alien beings...he even showed us (and tried to distribute) pamphlets. safe to say that's probably one of the things you should never talk about at work.

Specializes in Geriatrics/Oncology/Psych/College Health.
we had an agency nurse one time that practically preached us about the coming of the alien beings...he even showed us (and tried to distribute) pamphlets. safe to say that's probably one of the things you should never talk about at work.

You *do* know the aliens are coming, don't you? ;)

Religion and Politics these days is just OFF LIMITS! People are so vicious about both. I long for the day they could be talked about but those days are long gone. Personally, I'm an atheist and don't give a rip about anything having to do with spirituality; but I have definite opinions about politics and can't stand people who have opinions based on feelings alone. I lose a degree of respect for a person who can't think for themselves or who vote for a candidate because he's "so good looking". So, I just don't go there.

As for sex, it's so open and common these days it's easy to be a bit loose with our descriptions of likes and dislikes. But, it is also very inappropriate in a work setting and can result in sexual harassment situations. I'm one of three male nursing students in my program and it seems nearly every time we get into a study situation the women start talking about sex. I don't care personally, but I find it interesting that they find it so interesting. It's also dangerous as you never know "for sure" if someone in the group is a religious fanatic and is offended by the topic.

Also, while I respect everyone's right to be religious, I don't want anyone talking to me about God. I hate it when a person goes off about Jesus and how I'm going to Hell if I don't believe and accept him and all that ^%$#. If you want to preach, do it on a street corner where people can get far away from you. If you want to talk politics go stump for you candidate of choice. And for goodness sake keep your sex life private if for no other reason than out of respect for your mate or partner.

I believe that you should never talk about things at work that are not related to work.

Specializes in Trauma,ER,CCU/OHU/Nsg Ed/Nsg Research.

Don't talk about you pt's personal issues, or argue over who gets them this time, because they're busy pts & you don't feel like dealing with them today. Unfortunately, my step mother, who is in stage 5 breast CA heard a conversation such as this at the nurse's desk right outside her room. Both she & my father are in the same hospital at this time- he's in Stepdown, and she's in Oncology. This conversation over who was going to take her prompted her to call me and ask me to spend the night with her, so I could perform all the nurse's duties throughout the night. She felt very bad for being such a busy pt and for causing them such a "problem". This makes me furious as a nurse and pt's family member, and makes her feel worse & more powerless than she needs to feel at this time.

So, please- if you need to vent about a pt load, do it out of earshot of the pts.

You *do* know the aliens are coming, don't you? ;)

What...don't you know they are already among us? :uhoh21:

On a serious note, we need to remember people put on a 'work face' so until we get to know coworkers very well we shouldn't share personal info/opinions with them...too dangerous. Someone who appears friendly and open minded may be the total opposite, as Bluesky shared. Some perverted crazies coax personal details out of ya only to use it against you when they see fit. I don't understand people like that but they are out there.

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