What am I, chopped liver?

  1. 7
    My mom (who lives in another city) has been sicker than a dog for the last week. Worst headache of her life, 8/10 low back pain, worst on the right flank, fever, chills, extreme fatigue. Decreased UOP with burning and foul odor. States, "I'm pretty sure I've got a raging kidney infection".

    I drove 2.5 hours to see her on Sunday, and once there, took one look at her and said, "You need to go to the ED for antibiotics and some fluid". She refused all night long, I finally drug her into her PCP's office on Monday AM. The PCP wanted to admit her right away, but my mom balked. She got started on antiobiotics ASAP and I had go to home. I called last night - SHE FELT WORSE, advised her again to go to the ED but she refused.

    She called her PCP for advice, the PCP again advised her to go to the hospital but said, "Its up to you. You will feel worse before you feel better with this kidney infection".

    When I asked my mom why she wasn't going to the hospital even though she felt worse and she says, "Well, your dad and I feel I don't need to go after talking with a real professional".

    Ouch. Thanks Mom. Not only am I worried about you, but the "real professional" and I agree that you should be in the hospital. ARGH! (through gritted teeth) I DO hope you get better soon!
    bigsyis, caliotter3, pagandeva2000, and 4 others like this.
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  3. 39 Comments so far...

  4. 1
    Your mother is channeling mine.
    bluwavyhat likes this.
  5. 8
    There's a reason we don't (formally) treat family members: the incidence of patient homocides would be astronomical!

    I had to call a telephone triage nurse after my father had an allergic reaction to one of his meds--apparently, spironolactone. D/C'd the suspected med, gave diphenhydramine on the nurse's advice, problem resolved. Of course she suggested he come in, and of course he wouldn't. As she asked, knowingly, "Does he have some dementia?" I could only answer ruefully, "No, he's just stubborn."
    MAISY, RN-ER, RN1989, linzz, and 5 others like this.
  6. 4
    I totally understand. Mine has done me the same way throughout my entire career.

    She recently sustained a knee injury after a fall. I instructed her to go to the ED. But, she spoke to the answering service of her PCP and told me, "Well, I talked to a real nurse and she told me I could come into the office in the morning. The "nurse" was a receptionist and my mother didn't tell her that she had fallen or that she was in what she described to me, "excruciating-please-pray-for-me-that-I-can-get-through-the-night kind of pain".

    I've never been a professional in the eyes of my mom.

    Don't take it to heart. You are a professional. You just probably can never get that over to your family members.
    linzz, pickledpepperRN, bluwavyhat, and 1 other like this.
  7. 2
    my mom will ask me a question, and if i don't know the answer she'll say "why don't you know? you're a nurse!!"

    when i do know the answer and then she has a doc's appt, she'll turn around and ask the doc the same question and get the same answer. i stopped complaining about it when she said "you're just a nurse, he's a doctor!"

    *throw up hands*

    can't win for losin'........
    bluwavyhat and BeachBayNurse like this.
  8. 2
    I hope your mom gets better.
    pickledpepperRN and bluwavyhat like this.
  9. 8
    My mom's the same way. I don't feel too bad, though, because my brother is an attorney who's licensed in several states - including the one she lives in, and she recently did one of those do-it-yourself wills because she was convinced that he's not a "real" attorney.
  10. 1
    Some people have trouble reconciling the person they love with the professionals who administer their healthcare. True story:

    Several years ago, while working home health I got a referral for the elderly father-in-law of one of our referring docs. This particular doc sent a lot of business our way so you can imagine there was a lot of pressure to make this family happy. Well, there was not a day that I did not step in that house when the doc's wife(the patient's daugher) would come running to me and say "Dad has XYZ problem, what should I do?" or "Bob(the physician/husband) said we should do ____ for Dad. Do you think that's right?"

    Every day she would ask me to validate or contradict the opinion and in some cases the written orders, of this man who had been practicing for at least 25+ years. To her he was Bob, the guy who probably left his socks in the floor and who belched at the dinner table. What did he know? If I didn't know better, I would have thought it was a set-up.

    So don't take it too personally. Best wishes for your mom's speedy recovery.
    bluwavyhat likes this.
  11. 1
    Quote from Roseyposey
    My mom's the same way. I don't feel too bad, though, because my brother is an attorney who's licensed in several states - including the one she lives in, and she recently did one of those do-it-yourself wills because she was convinced that he's not a "real" attorney.

    Oh now that's too funny!
    linzz likes this.
  12. 2
    Oh well, at least she didn't call your brother the mechanical engineer, or son-in-law the marketing director for their opinions. That's what happens in our family. BTW, I'm a nurse and my sister is an internist, for Goodness sake!
    ShayRN and bluwavyhat like this.


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