Ugh-worst thing I've ever done to a patient...

...And of course to top it off he was one of the sweetest patients we've had on our floor in a long time. (After he woke up he was thanking us for doing our job when I was asking if he was having pain.) ....

So last night I had the WORST experience that I've had since I started working in hospitals 8 years ago, and I just need to get it out to people that will understand.

Last night a nurse called out for help as she had just pulled a central line from the pt's IJ and he went asystolic. So we called the code and everyone went into action. When I walked in she was trying to hold pressure on his neck with one hand and do compressions with the other hand so I got ready to do compressions. When she stopped I checked a pulse-still asystole on the monitor and no pulse. So I start doing compressions-first compression I feel one rib break, and on the second I feel two more ribs break and (here's the worst part) the patient makes eye contact with me and hollers out "OW!" It scared the living day lights out of me, but when I stopped compressions (reflexively) he was without a pulse again and started to loose consciousness.

So I ended up doing about a minute and a half of chest compressions on a guy who was awake (when I would stop he would go out, then I'd start and he would wake back up)! It was absolutely the worst thing I have ever done to someone, and I truly can't imagine anything worse. I felt like crying I felt so bad. I know it was to save his life, but still.....I just can't get over how horrible it was to have him watching me, in pain, while I broke more ribs.

And of course to top it off he was one of the sweetest patients we've had on our floor in a long time. (After he woke up he was thanking us for doing our job when I was asking if he was having pain.) And I thought us shocking someone while he was awake enough to feel was bad....but this totally topped that experience!

Sorry to share such a downer story, but this is somewhat therapeutic for me and I'm not sure anyone else will understand this besides fellow nurses....