Thoughts about childcare during procedures - page 5
I have been thinking of this for a long time now. Some of you may actually have some sort of system set up in your hospitals since you are in bigger cities, etc. What would you think of this idea... Read More
May 24, '04[font=lucida sans unicode]you act as if she asked you to watch her children personally! i would just like to tell you that situations change. spouses lose jobs as in my situation due to downsizing or any number of things can happen to change a family's need. true she asked for others opinions but i'm sure she never expected the barrage of verbal attacks. you certainly have the right to voice your opinion, but a little tact might br considered in your response. cnm i understand you were just trying to have a conversation. i like to think as a well rounded person that i can see everyone's point of view or at least respect it though it may differ from mine. but i understand and agree with you 100% kim.
May 24, '04No one has verbally attacked her.
We have offered several common sense answers, that she chooses not to take....and then asks what we would do in her situation.....which we have already told repeatedly what could be done.
That demonstrates that we are accepting of her situation, that we DO understand and that we have thought it through...yet she does not explain what is wrong with those ideas and accuses us of "being nasty".
The OP is the one accusing people of being "nasty" and " sarcastic" to her and characterizing volunteers as "elderly women twidding their thumbs". Not those responding to her. So I suggest you point your verbal attacks comments to her, not those who have attempted to offer solutions to her dilemma and been rebuffed with accusations.
She asked for dialogue and she got polite dialogue...if she is not happy with the answers that she got and if she does not accept the solutions offered to her dilemma, that is her problem.
But she has no business saying that we are sarcastic, nasty and that we haven't considered her situation and offered solutions.
May 24, '04I would beg to differ. It's true you can't hear tone through typing but it really does come off rather harsh....sorry but it does. I've seen several posts where others ask for advice or opinions and noone was quite so snippy with their responses as I have seen in this thread. If you don't mean it that way we have to take your word for it but I hope you can see that it can come off harsh. Have a good night.
May 24, '04Here is the original post in it's entirety:
I have been thinking of this for a long time now. Some of you may actually have some sort of system set up in your hospitals since you are in bigger cities, etc. What would you think of this idea or does your hosptial already have something similar?
When going for a procedure (ex. my u/s with my third child) I sometimes have to drag the other two kiddos with me. This can become very inconvenient for everyone involved, including whoever is actually doing the test or procedure. I think that volunteers could be utilized in this instance and they could set up a playroom of sorts for children to go to for the duration of whatever I am having done, whether is be a blood draw or an x-ray or an MRI. What do you think?
Perhaps the reason that we are taking exception to the answers is because they aren't answering the original question? You know, the part about 'if your hospital does something similar'?
May 25, '04Quote from imustbecrazyas an aside, in certain situations, i disagree...though unrelated to the topic at hand, the fact that i have to petition the city to add a room on to my house, go to city hall, pay money, get a permit, etc., sucks...i will say it again since it has fallen on deaf ears...
it's nobody's business to tell others to have or don't have children.
but, the fact that anyone can have a brood of kids with no repercussions, no permits, no permission, is society's business...
that opinion is not popular, and has likely been discussed to death on this forum.
back to the topic at hand.
i think the "rude" comments all have one same basic premise: some of us (with kids) would never consider wondering or asking if the hospital, the clinic, the grocery store, the plasma center, etc. had free (or paid for) day/child care. we figure it out on our own (friends, neighbors, family, etc.). that doesn't make us better than those that seek it out. it just doesn't occur to us. inasmuch as when i ran out of my percocet after an acl repair, the only idea i had was to call my ortho (ahead of time) for a refill. some patients' first solution is to go to the er for a refill, which taxes the system.
yes, unforseeable things happen after having kids, so that argument is moot as far as this discussion goes. she should not be chastised for looking for a solution (though i take issue w/ the implications that anyone was rude on this board...people need to relax.) intelligent people should be allowed to express (unpopular) opinions amongst each other without the op (or whomever) getting but hurt...
have as many kids as you want. pay for them. make them your primary responsibility, and don't lay them on anyone else's doorstep. figure it out, take them to the clinic if you have to, but you'd better keep them in line, and out of everyone's way.
besides, aren't we all outraged when parents let kids run around the r-rated movie at 9pm, unsupervised? yes we are. i get a babysitter if i want to see the movie (or wait for the video) i wouldn't expect, wonder if, or even want the theatre to have child care.
May 25, '04I for one, think daycare in the hospital would be GREAT as I said before. I wish, oh how I WISH it would happen. I can't see Risk Mgt allowing it, however. Esp when talking about volunteers doing this. Logistical and legal nightmare, sadly. But I think the OP is onto something. Wonder how we would brainstorm something that would fly....
May 25, '04Quote from hogan4736Totally agree.I never could understand why parents even took very small children to the movies when it was an adult film, find a sitter, don't spoil it for every one else.( a little off the subject, but, oh well)bingo...
The parent w/ foot pain for 2 months brings her 5 kids in at 2200...you know the rest...
There are no trolls in this thread...just candid answers...
I have 2 boys under 3...Change work schedules to accomodate the children...Health issues ALWAYS come before work...One spouse goes to his/her appointment...The other stays home w/ the kids. Work schedule be damned... Our parents managed, why can't we?
Little kiddos don't belong in doctor's offices, ERs, hospitals, etc. UNLESS they are sick (why bring a 6 month old to visit stable grandma w/ pneumonia, on a med/surg floor - LEAVE THE BABY HOME)
May 25, '04Dear Imustbecrazy,
Quote from CNM2BThe question as posted by the OP that we have politely answered. Several times.And another question....just what would you suggest I do in my situation (or someone like me) that knows no one and has no backup family? At a moment's notice, what would I do? Right now, we are at the point that dh is trying to move his schedule around constantly so that we can take kids to appointments and we can get to ours. It will be a different story in the fall when the kids are in campus childcare but I still am unable to leave them there longer than a half hour before or after my first and last classes, so I will have to then skip class to go to an appointment if I don't want to take them with me.
We have also answered repeatedly and politely, why it is highly unlikely that a hospital will have/start this on their own initiative.
In addition, please show me where I ( or others ) in this thread have discussed regulating the number of children or regulating being a "good" parent. The only thing that I have mentioned is the needs of people to MANAGE their own children/ childcare issues, that responsibility belongs to the parents and not hospitals/volunteers/nurses/procedure techs.
One poster has mentioned responsible family planning. That is not the same as telling them to get rid of kids or not have them at all, nor is it coldhearted. It is being a responsible human being and parent.
One person goes so far as to comment as though we are telling the OP to get rid of her children. NO ONE HAS EVEN REMOTELY DONE SO. Talk about making up things as you go.
And unless you want people voicing opinions on your parenting skills, you do need to handle your own childcare. When others handle childcare, they are given permit to do it as they see fit with your children...and you may not like the results.
There is nothing to stop anyone from going to a facility of any type and proposing this accomodation and offering to oversee it, thus taking this responsibility on their shoulders as it is SO important. I expect those of you that like this perk to march right out and offer to do so tomorrow at your local facility. And you can take the liability on your shoulders.
And if you do not do so, why is it that you don't spend some time trying to initiate this very valuable and helpful resource? Perhaps, one of you could answer that question for us.
Barring that, you have little room to complain.Last edit by caroladybelle on May 25, '04
May 25, '04Quote from SmilingBluEyesSadly, Deb I have suggested that the OP do this, to no avail.I for one, think daycare in the hospital would be GREAT as I said before. I wish, oh how I WISH it would happen.
But I think the OP is onto something. Wonder how we would brainstorm something that would fly....
May 25, '04Here's your flipping reply since you apparently want to know all the reasons that I have no one in my life and no one to help out with my children.
An ad would take money. Right now, I am preparing for a yard sale for this weekend just to be able to buy my kids a birthday present and to advertise for childcare for my oldest for after school in the fall.
Start an agency? Firstly, that would interfere with me going to school. Secondly, I wouldn't even have a clue of how to go about it. It's not workable when I start school in less than 90 days. You act like this isn't an important situation, but for many, many mothers it really is. So, please don't treat it like it is nothing to worry about. It is my biggest concern especially with the crazy people out there that want to watch kids.
I don't have classmates yet. I start back in the fall.
Look, I would never impose on the volunteers and that is why I simply asked if anyone thought this was feasible. Obviously, it's not, but I was just asking a simple question of which I have stated numerous times.
I'm not saying my situation is different or harder than anyone else's including yours when you had to have your procedures done and needed someone to drive you home. I am only saying that the help is not there and I was inquiring into whether it occured anywhere.
You imply that I am not willing to work to find childcare for my children when you have no idea what I have gone through to try to find it. Most daycares want a fortune to watch my kids. They also will not take them for less than a certain period of time. I was offered a job that I could not take because I would have been paying out more in childcare than I would have been making. Where's the logic in that?
I do not know anyone because I have three little kids and cannot get out anywhere to meet anyone. That's why I don't know anyone. I cannot handle all three children in a public situation most times. They are rambunctious, but well behaved. I have taken Trey with me to have blood drawn, etc. and he is very, very good, as is the baby, but asking a two year old to understand what is happening and have her not pick on her brothers is a little much to ask. She will learn gradually...as she gets older. (and I thank God that this is happening every day! LOL!) We just moved here seven months ago and at this age, most people already have their set friends. I have tried to make friends but am not a very outgoing person when it comes to "interfering" in others' lives.
For me, it IS about helping the nurse out. Please don't presume to put thoughts or words in my mouth as you have asked me not to suggest you are being rude or sarcastic. I never want to impose on anyone. This is why I cannot make friends or ask people that I hardly know to watch my kids. I don't like to be a burden on anyone...that is why I don't want my kids to interfere with any procedure I am having done or a visit I have at the dr's. I don't wnat to inconvenience anyone, NOT ME! I always take the inconvenience of taking the kids with me onto myself. I have said before...it doesn't bother me. I am afraid that it bothers those at the facility that I am going to.
There...there's your answers.
Quote from caroladybelle- Put an ad in the paper seeking someone to do just that.
- Start an agency of your own to serve this very important need.
- Introduce yourself to your classmates, socialize with them and see if you can swap off with them regarding childcare.
- Introduce yourself and your need to the "bored elderly thumb twiddling women" as you quaintly noted and see if they can sit for you.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH THOSE IDEAS!!!!
Well, they require effort, reciprocation and work on your part. And the convenience is not handed to you.
I regret that you are not happy with the answers that you have received, but they are quite sensible. Just like taking care of your kids. And if they are so important, you will find a way. As I raised a child, that I did not give birth to, I found a way. And mine had to sit quietly through hours of chemo.
If you do not know anyone, there is a reason. And you need to fix it. Introduce yourself to your neighbors. Talk to and eat with your coworkers. Bring a snack for your classmates. Thank those bored volunteers for the great free labor that they provide and ask about that cute pin that they are wearing. Ask child care advice of them.
And there will be people there that help you in a crisis.
And don't say that you don't have time. MAKE THE TIME!!!! Because when the chips are down, you will need these people. Karma returns. And there is no excuse for not knowing a certain amount about community. I get a new one every three monthes and still know most of coworkers, and neighbors within a few weeks. It is also important for community safety.
And you have a dh - yes, his job is important, but so are the kids and your health. If he chose to have kids, he should expect to rearrange his schedule to accomodate them. It is more his responsibility than the hospital or a volunteer's, or a nurse's.
And no, this is not about "helping the nurse out" that does the procedure or making it "easier for them". DO NOT EVEN GO THERE....... IT IS YOUR JOB TO PROVIDE CHILDCARE, NOT THEIRS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And until the day, insurance pays for childcare during procedures, you have no right to let your kids interfere with the normal flow of care or expect the nurse to have to work around them
May 25, '04First of all, I'm saddened that CNM feels the need to put her personal information out to air for all of you. It is, quite frankly, NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
Secondly, our society is one of a capitalist structure, not socialist. So, if I want to have 10 kids, you may disagree, but ultimately it's not your decision, period. Until there is mandated birth control, or we are limited to having one child (hello China) people in this country will continue to have children at will.
Thirdly, referring to kids as 'second-hand smoke' is part of a polite discussion? I think not.
May 25, '04CNM,
If people would put their time and effort into working together on childcare on a national level, instead of picking apart people for not being as fortunate due to money, social standing, 'I would have done it this way...' etc., and just admit there is a huge crisis when it comes to child care, whatever the situation...we would be a much better society.
Let's solve the problem instead of bickering over the details.
May 25, '04IMustBeCrazy....
I'm brainstorming with some people now on what options there are out there and trying to find out what options are available in other areas to see if maybe there are some here too. I live in a city of about 36,000 so resources are basically limited. While everyone doesn't know everyone else because of the size of the town, we aren't a big enough city to have many of the amenities of larger ones. Thanks!