Things You'd Like To Tell Visitors . . . . and get away with it - page 3
the other "things you'd like to tell" threads have been so great -- how about one more? to the daughter of today's patient: i understand back pain, believe me. i've had the surgery and was off... Read More
Jun 23, '09how nice of you to come and visit your 90 year old mother, just because the hospital room has cable and you don't. and thank you for that request for towels and linens and extra pillows, i thought you wanted to clean your mother up, sorry my mistake, you wanted them for yourselves while you took a shower with your boyfriend in mom's bathroom, then decided to snuggle up together while you watched the cable tv.
yes, the nurse knows you'd like to see her before you go to work (at 7:05 am) it's change of shift and she can't take your request that your mother be given a diet pepsi instead of diet coke at lunch time right now, they'll be done by 7:30, feel free to take a seat and quit whining. (apparently, as a student nurse i'm not qualified to take drink orders).
Jun 23, '09"Please, for the love of all that is holy, go home and take a BATH!"
"It makes me want to vomit when I see your barefoot kids running around on this nasty carpet."
"About those barefoot kids, could you possibly take them somewhere else so they don't almost trip the staff who are trying to work?"
"Newborns just don't belong in a hospital visiting grandma with MRSA. I really want to report you for endangerment."
"No, you may not bring 30 of your closest family members and decimate our patient snack supplies. Go home."
Jun 23, '09Just because I'm British it doesn't automatically follow that I am a huge fan of the Beatles, and NO I never saw them play live - I'm not that old... and I do NOT appreciate having to listen to horrendous renditions of the Beatles' repertoire whilst trying chart (thereby avoid overtime and the wrath of the managers). Please either take singing lessons or shut the f*** up! My apologies, but this scenario has been played out more than once... and NO I have never met the Queen...
Jun 23, '09"What part of "your loved one was in a horrific crash and we're fighting to keep them alive, so NO, you can't come in at this particular moment! We will let you back as soon as we can, but for right now, we don't need anybody DFO'ing on us (done fell out) 'cause you just can't handle it. You gave him the heroin and reefer that got him in this situation, you can wait outside until we get the ICP bolt inserted."
"Well, dumba**, if you had not untied your intubated, DT'ing father's hands and got in his face and shouted at him like he was deaf, not drunk, he might not have extubated himself. As is, we're trying to get him RE-intubated, so unless you want this tube where the sun doesn't shine, MOVE IT!"
"And who's brilliant idea was it to bring the 6-month pregnant woman in with premature labor and serious eclampsia downstairs to her MRSA-positive mother's ICU bed so she could be present while her Momma was dying...without the knowledge or consent of any RN on either unit??"
"Honey, nobody forced those drugs in you nor that alcohol down your throat. I'm sorry you hurt, but I have given you everything in my arsenal, to the point that most people would have ceased breathing. Why don't you concentrate on calling your attorney, seeing as how this is your SIXTH arrest for DUI??"
***All true stories, not meant to sound uncaring or uncouth, but the idiocy that we see by people who have no regard for the consequences of their own decisions is just astounding.***
Jun 23, '09Quote from LotteI bet you hear about Benny Hill too!Just because I'm British it doesn't automatically follow that I am a huge fan of the Beatles, and NO I never saw them play live - I'm not that old... and I do NOT appreciate having to listen to horrendous renditions of the Beatles' repertoire whilst trying chart (thereby avoid overtime and the wrath of the managers). Please either take singing lessons or shut the f*** up! My apologies, but this scenario has been played out more than once... and NO I have never met the Queen...
Jun 23, '09Dude...you're in the hospital, with MRSA in your packed belly wound. The fact that your girlfriend is IN BED WITH YOU NAKED is not only a huge infection hazard, it's really creeping me out. I can practically see the germs crawling off her and onto you and visa versa. And, no I can't take your telemetry off while you have sex. Have you heard of evisceration? Sex can wait another few days. Better yet, DO IT AT HOME.
What I said was, "no, I can't do that, as I have no medical order to remove your telemetry."
To the drama queen screaming at me to stop hurting her mom when I put the abdominal binder back on: Look, you jobless idiot, the reason your mom's had to have adhesions removed 3x is because each time, she didn't wear her binder. Screaming that you're going to throw that "torture" away when you get home is a sure way to put her right back here in another 2 months. And aren't we all looking forward to that. And, no, I'm not bringing you linens for you to take a bath. You keep threatening to sue everyone in sight, I'm not giving you the opportunity to slip in the shower, sorry.
What I'd really, REALLY like to say: Visiting hours are over. Please leave the building, we release the attack dogs in 3 minutes.
Jun 23, '09"No, we can't do a brain transplant on your child. I'm curious though, who did you have in mind?"
Jun 23, '09Your girlfriends dad just died so can you please stop flirting with me in the hall and go in the room and comfort your girlfriend !
Jun 23, '09"I'm sorry you think that we are killing your father, but I really think he's doing a pretty good job of that himself, based on his end stage cirrhosis... and based on the smell of your breath, you're not too far behind him yourself, are you?"
Jun 23, '09Please do not untie your restrained mentally altered husband, fail to tell anyone, fall asleep, then threaten to sue us when he gets out of bed, falls, and injures himself.
Jun 23, '09Quote from FlatbellyThis one made me literally laugh out loud! No matter how many times I go back to read it again, I can't stop laughing!To the daughter stuffing a pt with laxatives: the next time grandma poops on the floor (uses a walker) while trying to get to the bathroom, I'll use YOUR FACE to clean it up.
Jun 23, '09No, I do not have a cup of ice. I don't make a habit of walking around with cups of ice in my pockets. There is ice in the cafeteria. Go help yourself. You look like you could use the exercise.
NO, I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TIME THE DOCTOR IS COMING!!!!!!! Ask me one more time, and you're gonna need a dang doctor!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jun 23, '09For the 3,654,255th time, no. No, your Granny cannot have chicken broth. It's too high in sodium and she has CHF. No, we do not have low sodium chicken broth. Now sit down and be quiet and let me get her blood transfusion started since her hemoglobin is 5. She should have gone to the ICU with that Hgb, but she ended up here, and you need to sit down and shut up and let me do my stinkin job. Better yet, why don't you go home?