Poll about bullies at work.

Hellllllo Nurse, BSN, RN · Nov 11, 2004

All of the above are true where I (used to) work. In fact, I quit just yesterday for several of the above reasons.

GingerSue · Nov 11, 2004

I left a non-nursing job and the bullying there was unpleasant - so here goes for that place:

(1) yes, a culture of gossip existed in the workplace - sometimes I wondered if certain people just made things up to either be malicious, or worse - even believed their own thoughts and ideas about co-workers. One eg. - several months after the office Christmas party (an evening out for the staff as arranged by management), one woman claimed she had seen the (attractive) young office "manager" come out of the men's washroom with several hundred dollars cash, given to her by the man with whom she went into the men's washroom. I'm not so sure.

(2)true - I feel unsafe when bullying occurs at work - because I feared for loss of my job if I reported anything to the owners. One man was generally nasty, about every female, he told the new male staff that I was quiet and therefore "dangerous" - he'd call out to just about every new female, including me, "how's your drunken alcoholic boyfriend?" I don't even have a boyfriend. One man (related to the owner), at one of the office Christmas parties told me that I was "too refined" - this was after I had asked what he meant when he referred to the behaviour of several of the young men - I said he should tell me what he meant - he explained one of them had brought a "pocket pussy" to the party which they later brought out and inflated. Since that evening, the man would not make eye contact with me and usually ignored me (previously friendly).

(3) true - one of the owners let air out of the tire on my co-workers vehicle. I heard the owner say that she had done this. I mentioned this to my co-worker (who had been saying this for days but no one believed her, including me, everybody said "oh, X wouldn't do that." My co-worker then said that she couldn't say anything about it, otherwise she would probably get fired.

(4) true - we would come to work and notice that a co-worker's chair was empty, unexpectedly. When we would ask the office manager - she would just shrug her shoulders. I kept in touch with many of these co-workers and was they said they were fired and not given any reason, just told not to come back.

(5) true - one of the older women went outside and was crying at the end of shift because as she described it - the young men were "sexually harassing" her, and she didn't like the way they treat her. They were open about their comments, so I heard many of them. I told her that the next time he/they say these things to her, she might remind them that we come to work to do our jobs, and that they are expected to behave in a professional manner. I think the guys thought they were being funny. They didn't dare bother me.

(6) dirty looks - true. And nasty gestures. The older man would point in anger if he didn't like the way a young woman dressed, behind her back - then state to me "doesn't do anything for me", another young man would come in and mockingly imitate the way another young woman walked.

(7) true - I dreaded going to work and realized I had never in my life felt this way about going to any of my other jobs, it kept me awake at nights, I had difficulty sleeping, didn't know how to address some of my concerns because I doubted that I could go to the owners. Yet I couldn't continue to put up with some of the "humour" - - one married male staff had been coming to work and talking about our "imaginary affair" - he wouldn't stop doing this - and no we were not having any kind of affair, but he kept on and on about this. At the Christmas dinner, and dance that followed, he kept asking me to dance and I kept declining. He had been drinking. His father sat on the other side of me and they both kept pestering me to dance and I kept refusing. My male co-worker then started picking up my chair with me in it, in his attempts to force me to dance with him. I still kept refusing. I still don't know how I should have handled this, the man was liked by the owner so I worried about telling her because I didn't want to be fired. I have left the place, by the way, several months ago - I couldn't stand the thought of going to another one of their Christmas parties.

(8) true - I think particularly the older man was trying to control the women by his nasty inappropriate remarks. I went there to work and to do my job - he would come over and interrupt me when I was on the phone and make any remarks that came to his mind. On one occasion he told the owner that I was getting married on the weekend. I was kind of concerned about him doing this, because the owner came over and asked me if it was true, which I denied. After wards, the owner suggested that maybe the older man was "teasing" - I didn't find it funny.

(9) job satisfation - true, my performance - false : I would never let my performance lower because of them. Job satisfaction - I had no job satisfaction there, other than my own inner motivation to do my job well no matter what. By the way, when the old man learned that I was leaving, he came to me and said that I was the only sane person there!!

(10)true - yes me, although I was planning to leave anyway. Others - false - they are either fired, or too afraid to quit.

Hope your study is productive.

HarryPotter · Nov 12, 2004

I left a non-nursing job and the bullying there was unpleasant - so here goes for that place:
(1) yes, a culture of gossip existed in the workplace - sometimes I wondered if certain people just made things up to either be malicious, or worse - even believed their own thoughts and ideas about co-workers. One eg. - several months after the office Christmas party (an evening out for the staff as arranged by management), one woman claimed she had seen the (attractive) young office "manager" come out of the men's washroom with several hundred dollars cash, given to her by the man with whom she went into the men's washroom. I'm not so sure.
(2)true - I feel unsafe when bullying occurs at work - because I feared for loss of my job if I reported anything to the owners. One man was generally nasty, about every female, he told the new male staff that I was quiet and therefore "dangerous" - he'd call out to just about every new female, including me, "how's your drunken alcoholic boyfriend?" I don't even have a boyfriend. One man (related to the owner), at one of the office Christmas parties told me that I was "too refined" - this was after I had asked what he meant when he referred to the behaviour of several of the young men - I said he should tell me what he meant - he explained one of them had brought a "pocket pussy" to the party which they later brought out and inflated. Since that evening, the man would not make eye contact with me and usually ignored me (previously friendly).
(3) true - one of the owners let air out of the tire on my co-workers vehicle. I heard the owner say that she had done this. I mentioned this to my co-worker (who had been saying this for days but no one believed her, including me, everybody said "oh, X wouldn't do that." My co-worker then said that she couldn't say anything about it, otherwise she would probably get fired.
(4) true - we would come to work and notice that a co-worker's chair was empty, unexpectedly. When we would ask the office manager - she would just shrug her shoulders. I kept in touch with many of these co-workers and was they said they were fired and not given any reason, just told not to come back.
(5) true - one of the older women went outside and was crying at the end of shift because as she described it - the young men were "sexually harassing" her, and she didn't like the way they treat her. They were open about their comments, so I heard many of them. I told her that the next time he/they say these things to her, she might remind them that we come to work to do our jobs, and that they are expected to behave in a professional manner. I think the guys thought they were being funny. They didn't dare bother me.
(6) dirty looks - true. And nasty gestures. The older man would point in anger if he didn't like the way a young woman dressed, behind her back - then state to me "doesn't do anything for me", another young man would come in and mockingly imitate the way another young woman walked.
(7) true - I dreaded going to work and realized I had never in my life felt this way about going to any of my other jobs, it kept me awake at nights, I had difficulty sleeping, didn't know how to address some of my concerns because I doubted that I could go to the owners. Yet I couldn't continue to put up with some of the "humour" - - one married male staff had been coming to work and talking about our "imaginary affair" - he wouldn't stop doing this - and no we were not having any kind of affair, but he kept on and on about this. At the Christmas dinner, and dance that followed, he kept asking me to dance and I kept declining. He had been drinking. His father sat on the other side of me and they both kept pestering me to dance and I kept refusing. My male co-worker then started picking up my chair with me in it, in his attempts to force me to dance with him. I still kept refusing. I still don't know how I should have handled this, the man was liked by the owner so I worried about telling her because I didn't want to be fired. I have left the place, by the way, several months ago - I couldn't stand the thought of going to another one of their Christmas parties.
(8) true - I think particularly the older man was trying to control the women by his nasty inappropriate remarks. I went there to work and to do my job - he would come over and interrupt me when I was on the phone and make any remarks that came to his mind. On one occasion he told the owner that I was getting married on the weekend. I was kind of concerned about him doing this, because the owner came over and asked me if it was true, which I denied. After wards, the owner suggested that maybe the older man was "teasing" - I didn't find it funny.
(9) job satisfation - true, my performance - false : I would never let my performance lower because of them. Job satisfaction - I had no job satisfaction there, other than my own inner motivation to do my job well no matter what. By the way, when the old man learned that I was leaving, he came to me and said that I was the only sane person there!!
(10)true - yes me, although I was planning to leave anyway. Others - false - they are either fired, or too afraid to quit.
Hope your study is productive.

Hi. Really appreciate your reply. I am heartened to see all the interest on this subject. There is a thread going about this right now. Workplace bullying is so common. I'm glad your willing to contribute to eliminate this behavior in our workplace. Check out the book "Bully's at work."

thanks. Lynne

Antikigirl, ASN, RN · Nov 12, 2004

I wanted to mark all frankly! LOL, because all seem to rear their ugly heads from time to time!

I just try to stay focused on my patients and keep them from having to suffer for it. Of course many of my residents start up rumors or are bullies themselves...LOL, but I work for them, so I just have to try to find underlying causes behind their behavior and do the best I can..which some days.....uhhhhhhggggg I don't have much strength to go delving into it all! LOL!

I have run into bullies since grade school to now a days, and well...you take what you have learned and keep with it. Somedays I simply walk away, somedays I stand up, other times I get down right nasty too..then feel bad and go back to walk away..LOL!

The greatest bit of advice I heard was from a friend NOT in the medical field...

"you choose your battles daily, and considering you can get so many in a day...choose very well!!!!"

I think I live by that now, I choose how I prioritize my battles and many times, bullies just don't fit into my schedule! That has helped my self esteem so much!! Took practice, but getting better at it each and every day! (and I will continue to grow with it each day...because each day brings all new battles!).

HarryPotter · Nov 12, 2004

I wanted to mark all frankly! LOL, because all seem to rear their ugly heads from time to time!
I just try to stay focused on my patients and keep them from having to suffer for it. Of course many of my residents start up rumors or are bullies themselves...LOL, but I work for them, so I just have to try to find underlying causes behind their behavior and do the best I can..which some days.....uhhhhhhggggg I don't have much strength to go delving into it all! LOL!
I have run into bullies since grade school to now a days, and well...you take what you have learned and keep with it. Somedays I simply walk away, somedays I stand up, other times I get down right nasty too..then feel bad and go back to walk away..LOL!
The greatest bit of advice I heard was from a friend NOT in the medical field...
"you choose your battles daily, and considering you can get so many in a day...choose very well!!!!"
I think I live by that now, I choose how I prioritize my battles and many times, bullies just don't fit into my schedule! That has helped my self esteem so much!! Took practice, but getting better at it each and every day! (and I will continue to grow with it each day...because each day brings all new battles!).

Hi Triage (is there a name I could call u, like ....)

Anyway, thank u for your reply and responding to the bully poll.

In my research, bullys and bully experiences often start in childhood. I remember my experiences vividly. Name calling, teasing, not being picked by a baseball team (actually the last one picked-very embarrasing), beimg called "alligator skin", as my skin was dry. Then, of course, the drop in self-esteem, disappointment, feeling isolated. Feeling so down that I didn't talk to anyone atoubt what was going on and what I was feeling, especially to my parents who I felt I would disappoint. And, on and on.

I think bully's get better at bullying as they get older.

And, not getting over our childhood experiences contributes to reluctance to face the issue head on.

I know bullying goes on in all kinds of business. But, I see it most in Healthcare (especially hospitals). Any thoughts about that?

Again, thanks. Lets continue the dialog.

Lynne

boulergirl, CNA · Nov 12, 2004

1.) TRUE!! Many of the girls I work with will go out on their smoke breaks and gossip. (I've been guilty of it, too.)

2.) FALSE. But when someone at work makes me feel inferior, I get depressed and angry. We did have a bully nurse who got several CNAs extremely upset (she bullied patients and staff alike)--she ended up being investigated for her conduct, and quit.

3.) TRUE. Never recall ever having an inservice on bullying. My parents taught me the "ignore them" tactic for bullies--never worked :stone --and so I'm learning assertiveness by listening to co-workers who don't let people push them around.

4.) TRUE and FALSE. Being on 11-7 shift naturally keeps me "out of the loop" but co-workers or residents bring things to my attention.

5.) TRUE. I've had bosses who named or pointed out employees at staff meetings, as a warning. Co-workers, in the past, have been known to do this, too. For this reason alone I D-R-E-A-D staff meetings.

6.) TRUE. I had a co-worker who wouldn't speak to me for a week after I wrote her up.

7.) TRUE!!! :angryfire Sorry, but I don't get it when people say bullying "toughens you up". BULLCRAP. And as far as affecting one's health, it CAN. I got stomach cramps throughout middle school which miraculously dissappeared when I started being homeschooled. Emotionally, I still struggle at times with the effects--lack of self-confidence and depression.

8.) TRUE. Oh yes. My shift--11-7--gets pooped on at staff meetings by the 7-3 shift.

9.) TRUE. I'm still able to perform my job duties, but as a shift supervisor I feel incompetent at times when my co-workers are generating complaints from the day staff. I feel like giving up.

10.) TRUE. A few years ago, we lost nearly all our day staff when a new director came in and told us we couldn't work OT anymore. Most of the CNAs needed that extra income and he refused to budge. So they voted with their feet. Our boss at the time needed to go out of town because her mother was sick. The director told her she could see her mother--when she was dead. :angryfire

She left that week on a family emergency--and never came back. The director ended up losing his job a short time later.

Can you tell I hate bullying? The world toughens you up already--so why do we need bullies to help the process along?

UM Review RN, ASN, RN · Nov 12, 2004

All of the above are not true for my present workplace, which is why I'm so happy here. But I have had to deal with bullying in other workplaces.

I also firmly believe that bullying has been used with the tacit approval of management to make certain people quit to keep from giving scheduled raises, bonuses, and perks.

If you look at it from that perspective, it's easier to see why the workplace culture of bullying is so entrenched in certain places.

SmilingBluEyes · Nov 13, 2004

I vote for....none of the above? I feel I work in a supportive and fairly healthy work environment. It's why I stay when I could likely make more money else where. Not EVERYONE works in bully hell. How come there is no choice addressing that minority? I can't vote because none of the above apply in my case. I guess I am not going to help your study much. Sorry bout that.

fergus51 · Nov 13, 2004

I think they are all true to a small extent, but not the majority. The biggest problem I see is that people do talk about others behind their backs. I'm fairly new and only once did someone try to get me sucked into it by starting to complain about another nurse. I just said "Is she aware that she has all these flaws? Maybe you should talk to her." and that ended the conversation. Most of the people I work with do not engage in this type of behavior.

SmilingBluEyes · Nov 13, 2004

Yep ferg, a little of that can go a long way. Gossip is everywhere, but it does not devastate me or even affect me much. I am very out of the loop for the most part.

allnurses Guide · Nov 13, 2004

Count me with Deb. There is gossip everywhere but none of the others exist where I work.

steph

Poll about bullies at work.

Bullies at work.