My proposed solution to being bullied, will it backfire on me?

[danceswithsnakes]

I am being targeted by a bully at work, who has been nit-picking, spreading malicious gossip and trying to isolate me and make life hell. I have done nothing to deserve this behavior, and it makes me angry, to the point of going from an eager and positive employee to neurotic, negative and moody. What's worse, is that the DON (who is not very bright) has been hoodwinked into believing this bully is the hardest working workaholic there, in spite of her work history revealing the opposite. Still, the DON supports the bully while choosing to snub me.

While the DON is my immediate supervisor, there are people above him who are supportive of me. I also know that the DON is very hesitant to "fire" anyone out of fear they may be able to obtain unemployment or stir up some type of legal situation against him or the company.

I asked the DON for a meeting between me and the bully with his presence to address the issue but he refused. In my anger, I announced I would be looking for another job. I woke up today, however, and thought of all I had to lose. I don't *want* another job, but I want the DON to know that I understand what is going on and I won't go down without a fight.

The ADON, who is very smart, does see and acknowledge what is going on. I shared a valuable website with her about workplace bullying. I've copied information from the site and I want to have a personal 15 or 20 minute meeting with the DON and the ADON to address this issue which is causing me stress-related health problems. I want to at least know I have attempted to open his eyes and show him I am enlightened, even if he chooses not to be. I also want to inform him I plan to go nowhere. I've highlighted areas that describe my situation exactly to add impact and help me express myself. The ADON is very outspoken and I know she would be good to help represent me.

Does this seem like a step in the right direction? I don't feel compelled to tuck my tail between my legs and run just to keep the peace. I'm willing to go to battle, as I've done nothing to deserve this treatment and injustice infuriates me. It's gotten to the point where people stop talking when I walk by and some of the things said that have leaked out are very embarrassing. And I'm sure that is the tip of the iceberg. I walked into the front office (that connects all the other offices) and the dopey PTA was coming out of the bully's office and when she saw me stepped back in and said, "Your BFF is up here."

This place is brutal, but I don't know why I should leave when I've done nothing to deserve it. Before it was me it was another woman who left. I'm sure after I'm gone I will have many successors, but I don't feel I should go down without a fight.

Opinions and suggestions, please.

[TDCHIM]

There isn't really a way to win unless you're affluent enough to sustain the loss of a job and any ensuing legal fees. If you are, recognize that you could be forfeiting your ability to find employment in your field for a long time or even forever. Step back and ask yourself if you're ready to throw away a profession you worked hard to join. Ask yourself if you're prepared to take legal action against these people (because there aren't a lot of places that will just leave you unscathed after you do something like this). If you are, ask yourself if you want to be bound to these people for however long it takes to reach some sort of resolution with them - it could be months, a year, or several years. And ask yourself if you can sustain all this effort without dealing serious or overwhelming blows to your personal relationships with family and friends.

I've been in a somewhat similar spot and higher-ups can and will play dirty to oust you. There are people who are capable of dealing with such issues, but there aren't many, and even those who can don't necessarily come out happy on the other side. Only you can answer whether you can deal with this. I understand the desire to fight for fairness and the next person in line, but it's not always the best or most viable option for you as a person. My advice would be to take some time and think about about your options. There's definitely something to gain in this situation, but there's also a lot to lose, and it's tough to argue that the odds are in your favor. It doesn't mean you can't win, but you can definitely win the battle and lose the war. Best of luck to you.

[canigraduate]

I say go for it.

This is the kind of situation that people whine about, but just sit back and don't do anything about it. I've been there, except it was me against the two ADONs and the facility administrator. I only had the DON on my side. I wrote a formal complaint letter to the DON and ended up threatening to go to corporate. The ADONs backed off, one left, and then I left for a better job with better pay. Win-win for me. Hope the same will happen for you.

[Up2nogood RN, RN]

When it comes right down to it the ADON may be on your side but do you really think that she'll be willing to lose her job over this? Have you ever stood up to this bully? Instead of running to the DON I'd stand up to the bully and give her some of her own medicine. Sounds like very poor management if she's run off people before you.

[chenoaspirit, ASN, RN]

If you do pursue this, keep a copy of ALL documents, whether it be emails or formal complaints. This way you will have proof of your attempt of resolution. I wish you the best in this. Please keep us updated on what happens. In my experience, Ive backed off bullies with kindness. Its HARD to do, but if someone is spreading a rumor, they WANT you to be mad and upset and "out of place". They WANT themselves to be the "center of it all" and the one who is liked. If you hear something said about you, just laugh at it and repeat it and make a joke about it. Its obvious that your life is entertaining to them, so consider it a compliment (not really, but you know what I mean). Let them know that your attitude is mature and that they are the childish ones. I was a victim of it too when I first got my job. I eventually let it be known that I didnt care and it eventually stopped. If your job is valued enough to stay and battle this, then just go there and do your job and leave it. Try not to take the stress home with you. If you can, do 12 hour shifts so you only have to deal with it 3 days per week. Good luck.

[MaddieRN]

Bullying can't be tolerated in my personal opinion. I don't know the details of this particular situation, only the OP does. If it truly is bullying it's not acceptable. Why is bullying tolerated in the nursing profession? Can you imagine doctors or lawyers putting up with it? In a recent BSN course we discussed the struggle nurses have faced to be recognized as professionals. I think the way we allow ourselves to be treated has contributed to that struggle.

[Katie5]

Fight for your sanity as you must and should do.Though confrontation sometimes can have it's bad effects, I applaud you cos you seem to be in fighting spirits. That is good.

Now, have you tried channeling this energy into actually speaking up and standing for yourself? Since the DON is of course over the ADON, he/she may be hesitant to outrightly speak up.

Other than reporting and complaining about it to your DON, what have you done to put a stop to this behavior?Have you ever spoken up to the bully?

It is a case of "Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country". (substitute your DON where neccessary).

Pulling up facts and articles is all well and good, but what have YOU actually tried before finding the situation beyond your capabilities?Bullies are bullies but they will give you your respect albeit grudgingly when you make it know you would not accept such behavior or at best stand your ground.

[redhead_NURSE98!, ADN, BSN]

Now it's only one bully, and not the whole unit as in your original post about a week back?

[MaddieRN]

I posted earlier but wanted to add a couple of things. I have been a nurse for a while in a variety of settings. I find when it comes to interpersonal difficulties there are a few things to consider. I know personally there was a time early in my career I felt someone was being mean to me. When I took a hard look at myself and got honest with myself I realized I was contributing to the problem. I had some attitude adjustments to make. In another situation years later I really was dealing with a bully. I confronted the bully in a meeting with my supervisor, in a professional manner, and it stopped. We all need to honestly assess ourselves. Are we contributing to the interpersonal problems in our lives? Are there changes we need to make? Or are we truly dealing with a bully? If we are dealing with a bully it is unacceptable. Earlier I said I believe the way we allow ourselves to be treated has contributed to the struggle nurses have faced to be recognized as professionals. I believe the way we sometimes treat one another has contributed to that struggle as well.

[RedhairedNurse, BSN, RN]

I agree you should stay. I'm not one who likes to Run from my problems, I confront them. I'm not saying for you to fight, I'm saying to stay, do your job and try to ignore what is going on around you. You're there for your patients, not your co-workers. If they see they're getting under your skin, it will never stop. Get thick skin, let them see their actions do not bother you. Is this a new job for you? It usually takes a while for people to warm up to you, so stick it out and take my advice and see if it helps. Don't get in the gossip, just do your job.

[danceswithsnakes]

I don't know who read I accused a whole unit of people bullying me and where, but that has not happened...must be some misunderstanding.

To (attempt to) make a long story short, this is a pattern of behavior with this person, not just an incidence of a personality clash. She is very good at inserting herself into all the goings on in the facility to give the appearance of a workaholic, yet a look at her actual work (and lack of finishing tasks) reveals an incompetent individual who is not willing (or able) to learn. She loves being the center of attention, and wears gaudy jewlry and inappropriate clothing. She fancies herself to be upper management and befriends underlings long enough to get what she wants from them before she drops them cold. She is pathetic, and everyone who has been around long enough knows how petty and full of gossip she is. Everyone knows, but it seems no one is ever willing to call her on it. My attempt at a meeting with the DON and this gossip was denied. She took it upon herself to monitor me and decide I was not doing my work, and when I found out she was running around (to everyone but me) talking about how I was not doing my job I confronted her. First of all, there is nothing in her job description that puts her as a supervisor and second, if anyone supervises anyone else I supervise her, as I outrank her. I told the DON about this and he didn't believe me, even after the ADON confirmed it (as she was one of the ones who had received the "observation") he acted like he was in denial. From there it has gone downhill. I was called into the DON's office and asked about a very personal issue this gossiper had accused me of doing and that was it. The DON refused to tell me where this accusation came from but the ADON told me and it has hit the fan now. She's a nasty twit of a sociopath.

[heron, ASN, RN]

I don't know who read I accused a whole unit of people bullying me and where, but that has not happened...must be some misunderstanding.

I've been bullied all my life, and it continues... - Nursing for Nurses

[RNperdiem, RN]

"A nasty twit of a sociopath"?

Use your instincts. Is this a bully or a really dangerous person?

A bully can be managed. A dangerous/evil person is one you want to stay far away from.