LPN with Battery Charge on Criminal Record-Help

[14yearLPN]

I need some advice, but first let me give you some background information......... I've been married for almost 14 years, in the process of getting a divorce. My daughter (15) has -never- gotten along with her step-father, which has caused innummerable problems, especially in the last few years since she has been a teen (and developing a mind of her own!) I have always felt trapped between them, like walking on eggshells, not wanting to seem unfair to her in my decisions -regarding- her, but not wanting to make mu husband angry either, because he always thought I was too easy on her.

At any rate, this has all come to a head in the last year, and we are now separated and getting a divorce. My daughter and I got into a horrible fight last November, and I slapped her twice. This is the only time I have ever completely lost my temper with her and physically struck her, although I've been tempted other times in the past. (Please, no flames; unless you've lived for the last 3 years with a drug-using, foul-mouthed teen who gets in your face and screams filthy names at you, and you can keep from slapping them) She called the police, and I was charged with battery. It didn't dawn on me that this would show up on my criminal record, as I've never had -anything- on my record before so never worried about it. I was hired for a new job in long term care a couple of weeks ago, and they did a background check, and the battery charge came up. They asked me about it, and I was informed that it was their company policy not to hire anyone with a battery charge on their record. I've worked in long term care for 14 years, have never done anything else, and now apparently this battery charge is going to keep me from working in this field!

I am on a "deferred prosecution" program, meaning I haven't been found guilty, and where the charge will be dismissed and off my record after a year as long as I don't get into any more "trouble". My question is, do all nursing fields do a background check and is this going to keep me from nursing at -any- job until it's removed from my record?? I was told I could apply for a "waiver", but have no idea what that is or how to get one...... can anyone give me any advice? I can't believe that losing my temper with my daughter one time is going to cost me my career for a year, and I can't go that long without working! Any ideas or advice??

[Orca, ADN, ASN, RN]

I had many years of experience in criminal justice before going to nursing school, so I have knowledge on both sides of the topic. For those who do not know, 14yr has already been to court on this charge. A deferred sentence is imposed by a court of law. The person normally reports to a probation officer, either in person or in writing, and is in most states subject to announced or unannounced home or work visits from the supervising officer. What likely happened in court was that the judge took her lack of prior criminal history into account, and decided to give her a chance to come out of this without a felony record that would follow her for the rest of her life.

Any potential employer in this situation is in a tricky bind. True, there is not a conviction in this case, but 14yr is under active supervision for a felony case of battery, conviction or not. Further, there is the potential for a conviction in this case until the day supervision ends. If anything happens, the supervising officer can file an application to accelerate with the court, and the conviction would remain on 14yr's FBI and state rap sheets forever. Until supervision is completed, no employer could be sure that they are hiring someone without a felony record, because the spectre is always there. A drink on the way home from work or a scuffle with a belligerent neighbor could spell trouble. It does not have to be another criminal charge or an arrest, either. Any violation of the rules and conditions of supervision could lead to an application to accelerate - and most of us do things every day that would not be allowed under the terms of probation.

I wish you luck on putting both your career and your life back together, and resolving whatever issues you and your family are facing.

[Tweety, BSN, RN]

Originally posted by zoeboboey

The counseling would help our nurse to be in touch with her feelings (again based on my experience, that feeling that one should be able to control "my own CHILD!! for God's sake ... ) and how to deal with them, AS WELL as how best to guide her child without having to resort to violence.

Since you quoted me, I'll respond. I agree with your statements. I hope you didn't think I don't think counseling would help. I was saying approaching counseling from the standpoint of "I'm a child abuser" is not this woman. Something is definately wrong with this family and they need help. The slap is but a symptom. (Yes a crime and definately wrong.), but to focus on the slap is only part of the picture.

Great post!

[Liddle Noodnik]

Originally posted by 3rdShiftGuy

but to focus on the slap is only part of the picture.

Thanks for the compliment, and yes, I agree with you!

Good post, LOL!

[LPN_mn]

14yearLPN, I have to say that I know exactly what you are going through with your daughter. My son who is 18 years old has been out of control for a year or so. He was a time bomb waiting to explode. It was all due to drugs and alcohol and yes I have lost my temper with him and smacked him. He is now in a very good in house rehabilitation program where he is getting help with his substance abuse, anger management, and being able to finish high school. He has been there for 4 months and we can already see a difference. We get to see him every weekend and spend time with him. He earns holiday leave where he can come home for certain holidays. He will be coming home for the 4th of July holiday and it will be his first home visit since he entered into the program. I would strongly advise something like this for your daughter. She is out of control and it is not going to get any better if left alone. I am not sure that I can post the program name of where my son is but if you would like more information feel free to message me and I will give you the name of the program. They have a very high success rate. I am sorry that I don't have any advice about your license situation. Keep your chin up and drop me a line.

[LPN_mn]

By the way we have 3 other children. I have to say that the house has been very quiet for the past 4 months. He is getting the help he needs and the other children who are home are getting the counseling and the help they need. Our 16 year old was contemlating suicide because he felt he could not take the abuse from his brother anymore. We found this out after he was in the program and the other kids started counseling. So it is not just the users problem, it effects the entire family and has to be dealt with as a family.

[RN auditor]

James, I agree with you. And as a manager, I could not hire someone who made such an impulsive move as to slap their teen child twice in the face. I have a teen child who has been "trying" to say the least and I guess my question is "was that the right way to handle the situation"? and as a manager I would have to question how a "trying" situation would be handled with very difficult patients.

That said, best of luck with the daughter and I hope this all works out for you.

[FutureNurse2005]

I have not read all the posts, but i am a very firm believer that there is NEVER a reason to hit/slap/hurt a child...even a teenager!

No matter what they have done, as the adult, you need to control your emotions/temper and deal with it in another way. By physically hurting them or even emotionally hurting them, you are only making the situation worse.

I was abused as a child, and absolutely refuse to hurt my kids the way i was hurt. Heck, I dont even yell at my kids!

If you need ideas on how to handle those situations better, find a local parenting class. They also have them for parents of teens.

I'm sorry that you have to deal with this behaviour, but its a part of parenting. All teenagers go through this stage! Just do your best to be there for them and not hurt them.

Best of luck to you:)

[a_chaz]

I will not pass judgement for I have walked in your shoes! The facts of the case are that you were charged w/a battery on a minor. The definition for battery is: Intentional or wrongful physical contact w/a person w/out his or her consent that entails some injury or offensive touching. There is also criminal battery: the unlawful application of force to the person of another that is devided into (3) basic elements:(a) the defendants conduct (act or omission), (b) the mental state of the accuser, © the harmful result to the victim. There is also aggravated battery (felony)-Unlawful act of violent injury to the victim, accompanied by by circumstances of aggravation, such as the use of a deadly weapon, great disparity between the ages, (example: the perp was 20 yrs old & the victim was 60yrs old) and physical conditions of the parties. Simple battery (misdemeanor): One not accompanied by aggrevation or resulting in grievous bodily harm. O.K. now that I have given U the definitions of battery I have left one out & that is Battered child: A child who suffers serious physical or emotional injury fresuting from abuse inflicted, or from neglect. Due to the fact that your child was a minor & you, the parent was her natural guardian, they may have placed this label on you in the charge. I don't know. If it it is a simple battery w/o aggrevating factors I am sure it doesn't take away from your state's Nurse Practice Act in that if a person is charged w/a battery there are sanctions imposed & requirements that must be met by the offender (nurse). Most HC facilities, esp. those dealing w/the elderly & children do background checks-they must in order to protect their patients. Unless I know the complete facts of the case I don't know w/what type of battery U were charged w/& what restrictions were placed upon U.

Next I will address a Waiver: There are many type of waivers, the one's that may apply to your case would be a basic waiver or an implied waiver. Bottom Line it refers to an intentional & voluntary relinquishment of a known legal right.

I know post is long, but I wanted to throw some definitions your way so that U could get a better understanding. I feel for U & truly think that counceling would be advantageous- just my thought. I am by no means a lawyer, but I am an LNC w/experience in the law. I can not give out "law" advice but can be of assistance in other ways. A lawyer would be beneficial in your situation. Take kare. Charly

[Tweety, BSN, RN]

Originally posted by FutureNurse2005

I have not read all the posts, but i am a very firm believer that there is NEVER a reason to hit/slap/hurt a child...even a teenager!

No matter what they have done, as the adult, you need to control your emotions/temper and deal with it in another way. By physically hurting them or even emotionally hurting them, you are only making the situation worse.

I was abused as a child, and absolutely refuse to hurt my kids the way i was hurt. Heck, I dont even yell at my kids!

If you need ideas on how to handle those situations better, find a local parenting class. They also have them for parents of teens.

I'm sorry that you have to deal with this behaviour, but its a part of parenting. All teenagers go through this stage! Just do your best to be there for them and not hurt them.

Best of luck to you:)

To say that all teenagers go through this phase I hope is not true. Rebelliousness yes. Smart mouth and talk back yes. Pushing the limits and disobeying, yes.

But an out-of-control drinking and drugging teenager. is not normal. The best of parents can find themselves in this situation.

My sister and I were goodie two shoes. I was a straight-A student, worked at McD's and stayed out of trouble. My sister was a star in sports.

My brother was a drinking and drugging out of control smart ass that caused extreme emtional distress on my parents. Especially my poor mother. My mother got so angry she practically destroyed his bedroom one day. I know if he got near her, she would have physically harmed him. To hit him of course would have been a crime. I don't condone any kind of physical or violent reaction. But quite frankly I felt like harming him myself. Perhaps you don't realize how these kids cause such extreme emotional distress. How they provoke it.

Please say it isn't true that all teenagers go through this.

post script: parents and child got counseling, mom got sedated, child eventually got arrested and put in treatment, now is in his 40s, has gotten 4 dui's but seems o.k. at the present.

[babies]

14Year, Speaking to a lawyer knowledgable in nursing issues would be a good start. The suggestion for therapy is good but can cost lots of money. The best thing that happened to me was Al-Anon. I too have resorted to physical contact. It was not the solution and only made things worse, as you have experienced. when I finally went to Al-Anon I learned how to work out my problems and my relationships improved. I am not saying that everything is wonderful but I am better. Addiction is a disease that affects the whole family. Al-Anon is free, you can talk to others that have fought this disease and learn there is hope. I wish you well in this endeavor. I will be glad to share with you off site if you wish. [email protected]. My prayers are with you . Babies.

[FutureNurse2005]

No matter what a child or teenager does, they do not deserve to be hit or hurt in any form. I'm terribly sad that so many people use the excuse of "they provoked it" or "they just pushed my buttons". Whatever happens, you need to be the adult and seek the help that is most likely needed. If your kid is pushing your buttons...walk away! Dont give in to them!

True, not EVERY teenager behaves this way, but the majority do go through a rebellious phase. Obviously some situations are more serious than others, but they should be dealt with in a helpful manner, not a hurtful manner. Most of these kids are doing this for attention (they are reaching out for help), and hurting them is only going to push them further away. Sure, its a sucky way of reaching out, but the effort is being made.

I apologize if my opinion is offensive to anyone, that is not my intention. I just truly believe that there is always another option other than hitting/abuse/whatever.

As I said earlier, I grew up in an abusive home. I luckily got help and have a future ahead of me. My sister on the other hand....

she is headed for the grave.

Parents/adults need to reach out and use the resources that are now available to us. Dont inflict further pain to a child/teenager who is already hurting.

Hugs to everyone:)

[KaroSnowQueen, RN]

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