LPN with Battery Charge on Criminal Record-Help

[14yearLPN]

I need some advice, but first let me give you some background information......... I've been married for almost 14 years, in the process of getting a divorce. My daughter (15) has -never- gotten along with her step-father, which has caused innummerable problems, especially in the last few years since she has been a teen (and developing a mind of her own!) I have always felt trapped between them, like walking on eggshells, not wanting to seem unfair to her in my decisions -regarding- her, but not wanting to make mu husband angry either, because he always thought I was too easy on her.

At any rate, this has all come to a head in the last year, and we are now separated and getting a divorce. My daughter and I got into a horrible fight last November, and I slapped her twice. This is the only time I have ever completely lost my temper with her and physically struck her, although I've been tempted other times in the past. (Please, no flames; unless you've lived for the last 3 years with a drug-using, foul-mouthed teen who gets in your face and screams filthy names at you, and you can keep from slapping them) She called the police, and I was charged with battery. It didn't dawn on me that this would show up on my criminal record, as I've never had -anything- on my record before so never worried about it. I was hired for a new job in long term care a couple of weeks ago, and they did a background check, and the battery charge came up. They asked me about it, and I was informed that it was their company policy not to hire anyone with a battery charge on their record. I've worked in long term care for 14 years, have never done anything else, and now apparently this battery charge is going to keep me from working in this field!

I am on a "deferred prosecution" program, meaning I haven't been found guilty, and where the charge will be dismissed and off my record after a year as long as I don't get into any more "trouble". My question is, do all nursing fields do a background check and is this going to keep me from nursing at -any- job until it's removed from my record?? I was told I could apply for a "waiver", but have no idea what that is or how to get one...... can anyone give me any advice? I can't believe that losing my temper with my daughter one time is going to cost me my career for a year, and I can't go that long without working! Any ideas or advice??

[Spidey's mom, ADN, BSN, RN]

I'd like to suggest contacting your local "Tough Love" organization. They also have books available with their philosophy for teenagers in trouble.

I wish you luck and completely understand how you could feel as you did. I'm not condoning slapping her . . . . just understand the feeling and impulse.

Get some help now.

steph

[mary williams]

I have yet to read the remainder of replies posted but I can only imagine the array of differences in opinion. Having two young girls I can only imagine what things wil be like 10 years from now when they are blossoming into young teenagers full of their own ideas thoughts and opinions in todays world. As a young adult I feel for teenagers today as they are sooo influenced by worldly events...TV, computers, boys and the list goes on. From what you tell me I can see that you were and are a good mother not to mention a wonderful nurse. As a mother, I think people need to realize how hard it is to deal the every aspect of raising a child. It is a difficult job. I make no excuses for you behavior but don't condem it...nor should anyone else but GOD . I don't think you are a viliant person by nature because as a MOTHER who provides sooo much for their child deserves to be respected and maybe this sounds cruel but maybe the child needed that as the only source to "Get" her to wake up. Anyhow I honestly don't feel it is fair to judge a person by his/her qualities as a parent or values as a parent to be an excellent nurse. Anyhow best of luck in your future nursing career.

[All I Can Be]

I have been there. My ex had my 14 year old son report me and I was ticketed for misdemeanor child abuse because I spanked him and hit his shoulder in the process, also I pulled his hair. My case was transferred to juvenile court, we had family and individual counseling. He still refused to behave for me so he ended up with his dad. In addition to still paying legal and medical/counseling fees (a year later) - I also now pay his dad child support. I lost my job due to closing of my facility (completely unrelated) and had to go find another - the new LTC facility did hire me with the charge on my record but I was only allowed to work on the skilled unit - not on the dementia or assisted living floors. Once the case was dismissed out of juvenile court, my name was expunged from the central register. Don't despair - you *can* get a job, and it *will* pass. Good luck

[RN2007]

I personally am against spanking, hitting, slapping, or physically touching a kid or child in any way, as a means to punish him/her. Even if some of you do believe it is okay to do so, in todays times, it is not wise to hit them because, your child, spouse, a friend of the child, etc. may call the police or Dept. of Family Services and you very well could end up in a court case, and without the custody of your child for a long time, even if the accusations were never true to begin with. My background is in clinical counseling and I have seen this happen to parents many times and have felt sorry for them. And yes, I have 3 children and would not dare to put a hand on them.

Think about it, do we think it is okay for our husbands to slap us (women) because they get upset at us, or even women slapping or hitting men? Try this, and many times a spouse will call the police. My hubby knows his butt is grass and he better pack his bags if he hits me or my children, Period! There are many other ways to deal with problem kids like first trying the communication route until it is exhausted, then taking away their best loved priviledges, then sometimes making them go to counseling sessions and/or having to admit them into a mental health child or adolescent program to get them on the straight and narrow. There are many choices we have as parents. It is up to us to make sure the child first knows they are loved, and that you spend time with them on a regular basis. Also, as parents we must set some absolute guidelines of things a child can and cannot do, and how they are to behave toward us and toward society, knowing full well they will make mistakes and that is part of the process, and for them to be able to come talk with us anytime and that they will always be in less trouble for being honest about things, rather than them lying to us and having to find out about their problems after things are too late. But regardless, you never can totally shut the door on your children and not help them when they need it, because when they see you do this, many of them will never allow you back in their hearts to be their parents ever again. Bottom line, I try working on saying things and doing things that help uplift my children and their self confidence and that make them feel good about themselves. Also, I try to encourage most teens to do some type of volunteer work because it helps reinforce a good work ethic, keeps them out of trouble a few hrs of the day, and shows them many other great lessons that are hard to teach otherwise. Best Wishes...

[SmilingBluEyes]

this thread is 2 years old. I imagine the situation is resolved. thank you.

deb