Learning a Life Lesson, The Hard Way

vadushkas_nurse

I started out full time as a new grad in the ER department and casually on a nephrology unit. The completion of a long time goal was finally there and I was awestruck, contemplating what my next goals would be. I loved the experience, meeting new people and making a difference in people's lives.

I felt like I was working so much that I deserved a stretcher in the ER... just for some downtime. Little did I know what life had in store for me or that while I was focusing so much on being a good nurse and doing everything the best I could other areas of my life were being sacrificed.

My family life, health, and emotional well being were suffering. I was caught in the midst of a confused circadian rhythm that couldn't figure out if it was night or day. Some nights I would be wide awake at 0400 in the morning, feeling guilty because it seemed like no one else was up at such crazy hours.

I learned to use this odd time of the day to fulfill my passion for hope. These hours were great for working on projects and acting as an outlet for creativity. Despite the fulfilling time, I would then go to sleep and sleep the day away. I would wake to phone calls in the morning feeling like a zombie and soon return to sleeping my exhaustion away.

Somewhere in my first year as an RN I attended a conference called dealing with difficult people. During this event, I heard something from that conference that never left my mind: "Why is it that people you work with get the best side of you and those most important to you get the not so good side"?

I have contemplated this for a very long time.

After 8 months of fulltime nursing and living tired, a terrible tragedy overcame my life. The unexpected loss of someone close to me shook my world.

The following months were overwhelmed with sadness and unanswerable questions of 'why'.

This turning point woke me up from what was self-chosen exhaustion and I learned to take control of my life. I learned that only I held THE POWER of CHOICE and LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO live on regrets. It was after this realization that I put those who were closest to me, FIRST, I decided to work part-time in my position where I had ample opportunity to pick up shifts at my discretion, I joined committees and started focusing on what is important to MY LIFE. Really, I did what needed to be done. I took my life into my control.

If you don't do it society or your employer will.

It is very challenging to be a good nurse when you don't take care of yourself first.

The overall lesson that I learned during the first year of my nursing career is that striving for balance is important, those around you love you and you must care for yourself and for them, there is always a CHOICE (even if it means thinking outside the box).

Learning a Life Lesson, The Hard Way

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