Just found out my partner's dad is a DNR

[ionatan]

My partner's family failed to tell me about the DNR status of their 82 year-old father until last week. He lives with us. He is pretty healthy but has recently been feeling some general malaise and weakness. The my partner's only sibling who is the healthcare POA stated he is absolutely a DNR, but she lives out of state. I am uncomfortable not having his advanced directives here at the home to reference to incase of an emergency. What do you suggest my fellow nurses? I am going to ask for my partner's sister to submit a letter to me stating that he is a DNR at the very least, since she is the healthcare POA. Do you think I am blowing this out of proportion? Please leave your feedback.

[nurseprnRN, BSN, RN]

sounds like what massachusetts has. the bracelet/necklace is only available to people who get the approved form signed by a treating physician (forms and bracelets/necklaces issued to physicians for the asking, and many pcps and hospitals have a stash of them in the office for exactly this purpose), and it is recognized by ems wherever the person is-- home, grocery store, hairdresser, beach.

[CapeCodMermaid, RN]

Back when only the original blue form was valid, we tried as best we could to get the docs to sign the bracelets so we could put one on someone if we had to send them out. Now that in Massachusetts we are allowed to use copies of the form, we don't bother with the bracelets any more. We were headed towards the MOLST, but it seems to have stalled.

[ionatan]

Here you go.

Emergency Medical Services

Thank you Esme12 :)

[Stephalump]

Generally I follow BlueDevil's philosophy of "Not my family, not my problem" with my in-laws.

However, when father-in-law is clutching his chest on my kitchen floor, "not my problem" doesn't quite cover it, and I would prefer to have everything I need in case of an emergency. I would let my husband talk to his family about those matters first and add my two cents in if welcome or absolutely necessary.

However, if FIL doesn't want to get you his paperwork or SIL won't cooperate, I wouldn't lose any sleep over it. You did what you could and The worst thing that happens is someone saves his life.

[cjcsoon2bnp, MSN, RN, NP]

I offered a follow-up comment to one of BlueDevil DNP's posts and while I think that his/her response to the OP was a bit contemptuous I definitely didn't see it as homophobic in any way. Having seen some follow up posts by BlueDevil DNP, I think that what I viewed as offensive was actually a very matter-of-fact reflection of his/her personal views on what defines "family" and while I do not share those views I respect his/her unique family dynamic. Personally, I consider my in-laws as "my family" and I do wish to be aware of their end-of-life (EOL) choices and related issues when the necessary time comes. This is not because I believe that I should have any input or offer my opinion on these matters but so that I may best support my better-half when she (and her sister) are dealing with these issues.

To the OP, I think that you do need to know what EOL decisions are being made regarding your partner's father if he is living in your home simply for the fact that if he is going to be a DNR/DNI you need to know that if you happen to be alone and find him unresponsive. If he won't be living with you I wouldn't be as concerned but I do think that all family members and their significant others should be aware of the plan in this kind of situation just in case of emergency. If everyone is on the same page then you will be better assured that his wishes will be followed. Just my ...

!Chris

[Thujone]

So have you called your partner's sister yet? The way I see it you could just leave it alone and when he dies and the EMS services or you try to resuscitate him and it fails... that won't create any problems, but if he lives you may be in big **** with your partner's sister, but in theory, you will be safe because there was no DNR present. OR. You could simply request the DNR and if she complies to logic then she will hand one over, but if she refuses then all you should do is talk to the actual person dying and ask them what they want done.

On a side note, you don't have to be a nuclear family to be a family. Every nursing essentials book and psychology book will have a small section describing the different types of family. Granted I don't think this specific situation is covered in any of them. However, it's a common ethical/moral rule that you don't have to be blood to be family (perhaps legally you do, but that's not relevant in this situation.) In fact, most blood relatives are a pain in the ass, but these rare individuals that come in with no _______ (drawing a blank here because the family members are likely genetically different to their siblings and parents as the OP is to his partner, and if one goes off of blood type, well that's just silly.)

[Altra, BSN, RN]

"Family" as defined by the OP, her partner's father, or any of us, means little here, IMO.

It's all about attempting to comply with a person's wishes.

The lady in line ahead of me at the grocery store is not my family, for sure. But if she collapses ... I'll need to know immediately whether or not to initiate CPR. There will need to be immediate evidence of any wishes she may have regarding limitations of emergency treatment ... otherwise, she's getting the whole nine yards.

OP, you might consider that your partner's father's POA may simply not realize the logistics of an emergency situation and the immediacy with which that document might be needed, as well as the fact that the physical document must be present with the patient at the time of such situation. The gentleman living with you may not realize this either. This is what I was driving at in my earlier post when I suggested that personal and family dynamics do not have to come into play here - approach it as a practical matter and you may find that there is no need for feather-ruffling.