Just found out my partner's dad is a DNR

Thujone · Jul 29, 2012

Is she a big case of crazy? If so, the best advice I can give is to fully explain why you want it, and then get into the intricate details to prevent an irrational response.

marialsnd · Jul 29, 2012

I can tell you that as a former EMT, if there was no signed order in front of me, I was legally obligated to perform all measures possible to save that patient, no matter what I was told. Just being told that there is a DNR, doesn't mean anything without that document. First responders do not know what the family dynamics are and whether or not there is a dispute over care.

akulahawkRN, ADN, RN, EMT-P · Jul 29, 2012

Without the proper paperwork, in hand, available for EMS to see, he will be considered full code, even if he says he doesn't want CPR done. It has to be done legally or his wishes will not be honored because of what EMS is required to do in absence of the appropriate paperwork. Someone that has POA but lives in another state won't be able to stop an inappropriate resuscitation because EMS will not be able to verify the person's identity, let alone the POA status over the phone. If the person who has POA is present, identity verified, and has proof of POA at the time EMS shows up, then those wishes may be honored. I can not stress enough the importance of having paperwork in hand, signed by the patient (if competent), or the POA (if patient is not competent) when "the call" must be made. In my "former" ambulance life, I'd be happy to show up, verify the legal documents, absence of vital signs, determine death in the field, and call the coroner.

cjcsoon2bnp, MSN, RN, NP · Jul 29, 2012

I don't think that the OP was being unreasonable by trying to get his/her ducks in a row regarding the final wishes of their partner's father. Having all of the necessary paperwork is a legal necessity and can save you a major headache down the line. I would speak with PCP and make sure the necessary documentation is done and is easily available. I would even suggest making a few copies to have in multiple easy to find locations (car glove compartment, refrigerator door, folder with important medical paperwork) so that you can find it easily when the time comes.

To BlueDevil DNP, I'm sure you did not intend to offend anyone with your comment but I felt that what you said was inconsiderate and lacked compassion. You are certainly entitled to your opinion but you may want to reconsider your perspective on this issue or at the very least deliver your opinion with a bit more tact.

!Chris :specs:

rbekt2010 · Jul 29, 2012

take him to the doctor and fill out your own DNR forms that are specific for PA. Especially, if he is competent. Just make sure he wears the DNR bracelet. I work in EMS and ER in PA, that's all we need to forgo resuscitation.

BlueDevil,DNP, DNP, RN · Jul 29, 2012

How is it none of my business? I'm a nurse and I live with him.

I know my post was long, but I thought that was addressed clearly in this section;

not your family

Lets his son (i.e. family) deal with it. It isn't any of your concern, and that fact isn't mitigated in the least due to the nature of your occupation or the coincidence of sharing a mailing address, lol. I simply cannot imagine my reaction if one of my brothers' paramours had ever had the audacity to ask about personal family matters. Fortunately they all knew their place.

I gather you want to get all up in their business and make their family drama your drama, perhaps as some way to try to solidify the relationship. Go for it. However, you asked for opinions, and in mine, it is completely out of order. Good luck.

CapeCodMermaid, RN · Jul 29, 2012

I think BlueDevil is just trying to stir the turds as evidenced by his/ her use of the word paramour. There also seems to be more than a smidge of homophobia, which, in MY opinion, is completely out of order.

BlueDevil,DNP, DNP, RN · Jul 29, 2012

Homophobia? What on earth are you talking about? Am I to understand that the relationship in the OP is one that would not be sanctioned by Chick-fil-A? :clutches at pearls:

Well I didn't know that and I don't think it matters. If the OP had said "my husband's father lives with us...." my answer would be the same. The genders of the couple are irrelevant. Let the children of the patient in question handle the end of life matters, end of story.

Cape Cod, I think you owe me an apology. Accusing me of bigotry is really quite vile.

BlueDevil,DNP, DNP, RN · Jul 29, 2012

I just reread the OP, and there is no indication what the OPs gender is, or what the nature of the relationship is. I assumed the OP was a female, and this was a typical boy-girl living together thing. I guess some of you know more about the OP than I do.

My opinion is based on non-blood family members (and this includes in-laws of both traditional and nontraditional marriage, lol) meddling in business that does not concern them. It is in no way related to issues regarding same sex relationships. I have been very unfairly maligned in this thread. Anyone who knew me would also know that suggestion I am homophobic is hilarious. Corporal Klinger as my avatar is hardly coincidental.

CapeCodMermaid, RN · Jul 29, 2012

The use of the word 'partner' led me to believe this was a same sex relationship. Your tone sounded condescending...if you're not homophobic, I apologize. To me, family is family...by blood, marriage, or choice and if a family member is living in your home, you have every right to know the code status of that person...especially if they are elderly and you are a licensed person.

ionatan · Jul 29, 2012

I know my post was long, but I thought that was addressed clearly in this section;
not your family
Lets his son (i.e. family) deal with it. It isn't any of your concern, and that fact isn't mitigated in the least due to the nature of your occupation or the coincidence of sharing a mailing address, lol. I simply cannot imagine my reaction if one of my brothers' paramours had ever had the audacity to ask about personal family matters. Fortunately they all knew their place.
I gather you want to get all up in their business and make their family drama your drama, perhaps as some way to try to solidify the relationship. Go for it. However, you asked for opinions, and in mine, it is completely out of order. Good luck.

DNP? So I seriously have to explain to you why the fact that I'm a nurse makes all the difference in this situation? Nursing 101 anybody? A nurse--especially one certified in CPR--has certain obligations when present during an emergency. Do I have to spell the rest out for you? I "gather" that you are just here to sh*t on posts. I do not find your comments helpful so please kindly take your "advice" elsewhere. I hate to think anybody in a similar situation to mine might actually take your counsel seriously--he/she might be seriously jeapordizing a career and/or license. Your comments are disrespectful and I find you reeking of pretentiousness.

BlueDevil,DNP, DNP, RN · Jul 29, 2012

I use the word partner exclusively with patients in effort to be inclusive. I use it with 70 year olds sitting next to their opposite sex partner, lol. I didn't realize it was being used here to imply anything because it is part of my everyday language and I don't infer anything from it.

We disagree about some aspects of "family." I do not consider my partner's (see what I did there ) parents my family, and I do not know, or want to know, what their end of life plans are. I would never even dream of asking. I would be aghast if one of my siblings' lovers asked what my parents end of life plans are. It is not something I would ever anticipate to be discussed outside of the intimacy of the blood nuclear family. Other people, including the OP, apparently :chuckle: see it differently.

And apology accepted, thank you.