Im so sad.

  1. Can someone please give me some good advice...l have been crying for two hours. Im 25 and all of my girlfriends are either married or living with a boyfriend and I just cant handle being by myself anymore. I live in a one-bedroom condo and have a pretty busy schedule with work and school but I cry myself to sleep every night. I have constant anxiety attacks throughout the whole night....on my bad days. Some days are good but I can't handle these nights. I start calling everybody I know in hope to feel better but I never do until the next morning...if it happens to be a good day. I have tried the internet deal for about a year now but I get more depressed every date I go on. The one guy I finally liked told me he had two kids after dating a couple months. The others are nightmare stories as well. Please has anyone been in my situation with a happy ending? I need some hope. :(
    Last edit by adnstudent on Jan 28, '02
    •  
  2. 41 Comments

  3. by   P_RN
    Hello adn. I wish I could reach out and give you a big hug!

    Have you had feelings like this before that got better? How long have you felt this way?

    I too have met the beast of depression and it is awful. I found some respite in medication. My doctor had started me on Zoloft. After about a month I noticed I felt more comfortable with myself.
    It was no miracle drug or anything like that. It just kind of helped put things in perspective.

    I met my hubby when I was 18. We got married before I was 21 and I wouldn't take anything for our 36 years of marriage.....BUT.....I wish that I had waited.

    Twenty five is a good age. You have your own place, job and school. I never had that. School in itself is enough to make anyone feel overwhelmed. What type of work do you do?

    Keep checking here, OK?

    P
  4. by   CEN35
    well adn,

    there are a lot of things to remember. you are your own person, with nobody to tell you what to do or how to do it. you don't have to try and make anybody else happy, just yourself. also, remember that just because your friends have "significant others", doesn't mean they're happy or will be forever.
    sure having somone else is great, if you are lucky enough to find the right person and you can be with them. your 25 and have lots of time, have fun and don't force anything. keep everybody posted....you will be fine.

    me
  5. by   Furball
    Hi there.


    I agree with above posters. Although, if this has been going on for sometime maybe you should be evaluated for depression or seasonal affective DO. (SAD) How do you sleep? How is your appetite? If these things are affected you should see your doc.

    If it's just the "blues" I find exercise and music very helpful. Also talking with friends. So, please do come back and let us know how you are... we care
  6. by   colleen10
    Dear Adn,

    I too wish I could give you a big hug!

    You are so young, have so much living to do, you really shouldn't be worried about being tied down to a man.

    Like CEN said, just because your friends are involved or are married doesn't mean that they are happy. I met my husband in college. We lived with each other after college and then got married a few years later. Although I am happy with the decisions I have made I have often wished that I could have some of those years back to live on my own and do whatever I wanted to do. I was jealous of a lot of my friends who weren't tied down or involved with anyone.

    Some of your friends may wish that they could trade places with you. And you can't go looking for love, you just have to keep yourself open to it and be ready for it when it comes.

    As for the anxiety attacks. I would really advise you to see someone about them. Towards the end of my college career I became depressed / anxious. To this day I really don't know why. Maybe it was the pressure of school and work and graduating and missing home. I don't know. When I would go to sleep I would feel very anxious and my head would start racing. When I would eventually fall asleep, hours later, I would have dreams in which I would feel anxious. Even in my sleep I couldn't escape my anxiety. During the day time I was in a fog. I was able to keep up with my classes and get decent grades and go out with friends but it was like I was living life in a fog. I finally went to the on campus clinic and spoke to a doctor. They put me on a small dosage of Paxil and after a few weeks I was starting feel like myself again. Once I got back on track I stopped taking the Paxil and haven't had any problems since.

    Take care of yourself,
    Colleen
  7. by   kaycee
    I didn't get married until I was 28. I enjoyed being single. I traveled a lot and had a great time. I do remember times of extreme lonliness too but they always seemed to pass. I know you probably have heard this a million times but it's true. You are young yet. Enjoy yourself and eventually you will meet Mr. Right and marry if that's what you want.
    On the other hand if you have a primary care MD maybe you should talk to him/her. I hate for people to constantly rely on drugs to make this better but a mood elevator may help you temporarily get through this.
    My best advice though is to be patient, things will work out. A big hug to you and let us know how you are doing.
  8. by   babynurselsa
    dear adn,
    first I want you to make an appointment with your physician to be screened for depression, and the anxiety attacks.both can be so immobilizing.
    once you have these things under control you need to learn to love yourself and be comfortable with yourself. Just because your friends are all hooked up do not need that you need to be.
    relationships are fine and can be a wonderful positive part of our lives, but n ot until we are able to be happy with who we are ourselves.
    I learned this one the hard way after 15 years in a not so happy relationship. After I got the depression under control, I had to learn to like myself and discover that I was OK whether I had a man in my life or not. Depression steals all of your confidence and self-worth. Take it back.
  9. by   angil
    Hi ADN student. The more you look for love, the harder it is to find. You need to find happiness in your life without a partner in order to attract a good partner. A month before I met my husband, I said, "there's not a man on this earth I could live with". That was almost 22 years ago. ( since my husband and I met) School is a stressful time. Can you have a cat where you live? They don't need much attention, are easy to care for, and could bring you comfort in being home alone. Try not to look, and it will find you.
  10. by   pkmom
    {{{{{{{cyber hug}}}}}}}}

    I have to agree with the above posters, enjoy your freedom, enjoy your space and your time to just be you. I got married at 19 and sometimes I am screaming inside to have something that is mine, an hour that is all for me, a toothbrush that no one else will use. things are so much easier when your single. I agree that you have to happy within yourself before you find a partner, if not then you will be disapointed when you realize that another person can't make you happy and can't meet all of your needs.

    I hope this helps, we are deeply concerned for you.
  11. by   mario_ragucci
    Yeah - I can relate with you. Occasionally, I feel alone in the mornings when I get up, and wish I could see someone's face after they eat my cooking (I cook divine) but, I am single, and mostly have lived the single life AND I embrace being single.
    I see couples walking around when I am out. It seems like they are not having that much fun together, at least I know I have no restrictions on what I want to do. Being single is a great feeling you only get from being single.
    You don't have to mate just because all your friends have. What... monkey see, monkey do?? Have you ever talked with anyone who is scorned beyond recognition because of a failed relationship (they may have rushed into because they paniced)? Being married is a wonderful dream, and I wish I could be married to my mate. But I have not intersected her path yet, so i keep going. Our paths should meet , and we should not jump off our paths just to intersect anothers. (y=mx+b) (ax+bx=cx)I'd love to be married, but can not marry unless I really know it is right.
    As far as your friends that are "playing house" , heh, you know the risks involved with that. Take care of your emotions because they surround you. Just because your lonely right now does NOT mean you have to jump right into the "lost and found box. " Kick back and laugh at yourself feeling unhappy with being single!

    Karen Carpenter sings a lovely song I think of during times I might begin to feel sorry for myself as a single person

    I'll say goodbye to love
    No one ever cared if I should live or die
    Time and time again the chance for love has past me by
    and all I know of love is how to live without it
    I just can't seem to find it.

    So I've made my mind up I must live my life alone,
    I know it's not the easy way,
    I guess I've always known
    I'd say goodbye to love.

    There are no tomorrows for this heart of mine.
    Surely time will loose these bitter memories
    and I'll find that there is
    someone to believe in and to live for;
    something' I could live for.

    All the years of useless search
    have finally reached an end
    Loneliness and empty days will be my only friend
    From this day love is forgotten
    I'll go on as best I can.

  12. by   LTC-LPN
    ...I am thinking of you and trying to think of something that may help. You say you are busy with school and work, but do you take time to do something fun FOR YOURSELF? Can you go for a walk, exercise or somehow take care of just you?
    Have you had a physical lately? A chance to speak with an MD about the anxiety?
    You don't have to measure your life by the yardstick of your friends!
    Keep us posted and let us know how you are...

    Jane Ann
  13. by   PhantomRN
    I am another one of those people who has never had the experience of living alone. I met my husband when I was young and we married. If something ever happened in our marriage I would not even know how to date. Also, like the others sometimes I do miss the idea of being on my own, just to see what it is like.

    It sounds like you are dating you just not have found the right oe yet. Keep looking he will show up when you least expect it.
  14. by   Teshiee
    I am sorry you are going through some mess right now. I can relate big time but you are in the best position possible. Yeah your friends have mates but you don't know what is going on behind closed doors. I have some friends who are in f#%$ up relationships and won't try to see a better day. Just hang in there I did. I was married when I was 20, too young dumb and full of you know what. I remarried at 33 and I love my husband dearly. He is good to me and we enjoy each other with good times and bad. I did wait a while and it is worth it. Don't settle for bull to be with someone you will find you can do bad by yourself. If you don't do anything I say get out travel, live your life there is time settling down to have children seek who you are okay? I wish you the very best.

close
Im so sad.