Im so sad. - page 2

Can someone please give me some good advice...l have been crying for two hours. Im 25 and all of my girlfriends are either married or living with a boyfriend and I just cant handle being by myself... Read More

  1. by   Nittlebug
    I can relate ! I'm 26, I spent alot of time alone too. I'm married now, but I still feel alone much of the time. I'm a nurse and I seem to have a hard time making friends. Sure we all get along at work, and I consider them all friends, but there's either a big age difference or everyone is too busy with there families to get together. Basically I have zero friends outside of work. ( No one stayed in touch after college, that was a real disappointment because I thought I had some really good friends.) There was a time when I was so overwhelmed with my job that I was consumed by anxiety and depression. I cried after work almost every day. I hated my job on that busy medical floor, and I never felt like I did a good job.

    I came to a breaking point and decided to take a position in the ER and now I love my job. I still have a hard time reaching out to make friends. I find it's hard to relate to anyone who's not a nurse, in fact now I find it hard to relate to anyone who's not an ER nurse. It's such a different world at times. My problem is that I give up so easily. I take everything personally and feel easily rejected. I still have Zero friends outside of work and its not healthy. I tend to be too clingy to my husband and all guys need space once in awhile.

    Bottom line, humans are not meant to be alone. The more friends you have the better off you'll be. And hobbies are a must !! Taking step aerobics and yoga have helped me get out , and even though I haven't made any friends there yet, I am hopeful. It would be nice to have a friend who doesn't want to talk shop all the time. It's important to do things that interest you too. I taught myself how to crochet hats and scarves and I love to read and garden. These things helped me cope with spending time by myself !

    The truth is, being alone sucks ! It's important to know you can survive on your own, but it's just no fun unless you have friends to hang out with. Whatever you do, don't settle for a loser boyfriend because you're lonely and 25. But don't be too picky either. Find a nice guy you can fall in love with and just let it happen. Don't force it, and don't rush anything. And don't rule him out just because he has kids. Things will work out for you. Have faith in yourself.

    Natalie
  2. by   prn nurse
    Once all your friends have connected with someone, then they do not have much time for you. Female friends get put on the "back burner" once we connect with a guy. It is a couples world. You need some NEW , single friends. 2nd problem is one of self-esteem. You are looking at your friends and saying to yourself, "they must be better than me, cause they were able to get a man and keep him and I wasn't." That is a self-degrading , self-defeating mode of thinking. Start now, and make a list of what is unique about you...your list may be only one or two things, but everyone has something special about them. Enhance what is special about you, compliment and praise yourself, and STOP LOOKING FOR DATES OUT OF A BOX ! (computer).....
  3. by   Rustyhammer
    When I married both my wife and I were 28. We had both been around enough to know what we did and didn't want. I had spent some good quality time alone prior to marriage and now after 16 years and 3 kids there are times when I would make a deal with the devil to have a couple of days all to myself.
    Cherish your time with you and get to KNOW who you are. Find something that you like to do and others will naturally find you.
    I don't want to downplay any depression that may be happening but I do think that being alone can be good for your soul too.
    Look at who you are. Get to know yourself.
    Peace,
    -Russell
  4. by   suzannasue
    FOR 'TIS BETTER TO BE ALONE THAN WISHING YOU WERE.

    SENDING YOU HUGS AND LOADS OF UNDERSTANDING!!!!!! YOU ARE IN MY PRAYERS!!!!!!!
  5. by   mustangsheba
    I have read all the posts and agree with everything everyone says. Other people do not make us happy. That is something that comes from inside. I'm concerned about the DEGREE of depression and anxiety you describe. I would expect you to feel lonesome and sometimes blue and left out and like there's something missing in your life. However, I would not expect you to cry all night every night and sound so hopeless. You are describing clinical depression. Please see a good nurse practitioner (my personal choice!) and keep in touch. Right now you are in a needy mode. I don't think you want the kind of person who is drawn to that need. Being alone does not necessarily equate with loneliness. Here's another hug.
  6. by   tapper
    Sorry to hear you're feeling so down. I went through a short period of depression and it caused me to think about life and put it in perspective. First of all, as all the other poster's have said, talk to somebody, it is not being weak or negative to seek out professional help. Second, when I would complain to my mother about how bad I had it, she would always come back with "You don't have it bad until you walk through the doors of the clinic as a patient." She works for an oncology group, as I do now also. In short, be appreciative for what you have (especially your health), don't feel sad for what you don't. On the same note, don't let the things you can't control get to you. And lastly, excercise, you will be suprised how much better you will feel after working out or even going for a short jog.
    Life is too short to be sad . . . it's so much more fun to be happy. Even if you are in a relationship it does not guarantee happiness. You control your own feelings. Sorry I'm rambling, hope you get to feeling better.
  7. by   Toad
    I cannot add much to what already has been said.

    Having gone through panic attacks and depression myself, may I suggest that you get help? Two years has now passed for me after finally being diagnosed. After taking Paxil (I am no longer) and talking to a counselor, my world has become so much better (and peaceful). Counseling was a very insightful experience for me.

    My mother experienced severe panic attacks to the point she became agoraphobic. It may be inherited (for me). You might want to look into your family history to see if this is the case for you.

    Take care...
  8. by   Peeps Mcarthur
    ADN,
    You aren't the only one and you wont be the last.
    I was in a similar situation as much as I can tell.
    It was about ten years ago. I had just been "dumped" by someone that I'd been in love with for three years.
    The thing that I remember most was that it was soooooo quiet and I would just leave the T.V. on just to hear someones voice.
    I didn't know whether to try to sleep or be awake or read a book.
    I would lay( I know it's supposed to be "lie" but I'm a literary daredevil.....HA) in bed and it felt like my heart would just POUND out of my chest. All the while I would just weep thinking how alone I was and replaying all the events to "the end" hoping that I just misunderstood it and somehow it would be back to normal. Just something to be worked through.
    I never saw her again. I would describe that as being abel to "feel" her memory, but not be abel to "touch" that part of my life. No contact, warmth. A hazy numbness that just hangs around.
    Is that how you feel?
    Your probably thinking "geeze this guys a freak"......LOL
    So then it got resolved.............

    My wallet got stolen a few weeks later after a freind convinced me to get out of the house for some golf. It had her picture in it and I spent a few days going through garbage cans in the area hoping the theif had discarded it. I must have looked like some homeless person........that happens to play golf...LOL
    Besides the fact I was a pathetic whuped puppy doggie


    That separated us then. That was it. I really would never see her again. Not even a picture.
    A few days later I decided it was about what I wanted. What was good for me. Whatever it was to bring me out of it, I had to do it NOW. ME........Nobody's presence was going to make me happy. Only my presence could make me happy, and I hadn't been very present at my own life lately. I decide to get into a video dating service and do the cutest most charming video and profile anyone had ever seen and hit the gym more often and even went to an acting school(that was fun). I decided "I had built it let them come"...to me. I was going to golf and lift weights, just do whatever I wanted to do.
    I went on a few dates, but I was very selective with my time because I didn't want any pressure and I wanted them to chose me. Hey I knocked myself out developing a profile. If they didn't like it, fine, I would play golf until someone did. I was a catch.

    The point to my story is that I had to be "alone" and not be "lonely". We're all stuck with ourselves for life. The "I" is what makes a whole person that we can enjoy being with. Then there's someone there to share with someone else.

    I met my future wife just a month later. She had seen my video and profile with only a month left on her membership. I was in the last three profiles see would ever respond to and we're still together ten years later.(gee, she lucked out huh)
    I still think of the lost love ocassionaly and read the poetry I wrote during those dark times and cry a little. In a dark kind of satisfaction that I was there and now I'm not.
    Life is a risk............so take it.

    I don't know if you feel exactly the same as I did, but I'm sure we share some of it.

    Live for you ADN.

    Brad
    Last edit by Peeps Mcarthur on Jan 28, '02
  9. by   adnstudent
    Thank you all so much! It's so heart-warming to have good advice from great people...especially an overwhelming amount of responses within less than ten hours. I do feel better. I had two instances at work today when I teared up in front of patients and I realized I really can't go on like this. Ironically I work in urgent care checking in patients so I deal with Dr's every day. There is one doctor that I feel very comfortable around but wasn't sure if I would regret talking to him because I know I will tear up. I'm going to get over that tomorrow and try to talk to him. I just have been so hesitant over taking meds because I know some people become dependent over them but after hearing some good words...I will make an effort to at least talk to a physician.

    I can definitely relate to some of your stories. My x broke up with me a year ago because I wasn't jewish, and that took all my self pride and dignity knowing that his family whom I had grown to adore...didn't think I was good enough for them. The pain was beyond imaginable with the hours of anxiety and crying. I am in a much better position now although I still have a little ways to go. I have days that I realize I am at a spot in my life where I have total control over my future and I do love that. I just want to make the right decisions so I can one day soon begin the future I want and that stress is painful.

    I will keep you posted.....thank you again.
    Last edit by adnstudent on Jan 29, '02
  10. by   P_RN
    Bless you sweetie.... (I know...but I'm from the South so I use such endearments....plus I'm OLD)

    And don't think of the meds as being dependent on them....a diabetic is dependent on insulin....would you deprive him of it?
    The meds...if that is the case...will return you to baseline....not create a dependency.

    NOW get some sleep young lady!
  11. by   mario_ragucci
    You spend an awful lot of potential "brain power" mulling over past difficulties. It sounds kinda creepy that your x's family called shots like that; Perhaps you were done a favor. Maybe his parents were thinking very-long-range and figured, since your not Jewish, you couldn't be buried in a Jewish cemetary.
    Your emotional state is very important to consider when you are learning new things in school. Your limbic system is right there when you try to get new information past your hippocampus, see? If your sad or angry, all those new memories your trying to plant will get twisted and not grow.
    I allowed my x to really trash my emotions, and I learned to not risk blowing my mental state while in school. I'll spare you the sordid details, but, as you know, falling in love is risky. I fall in love easily. My heart is an open book, and some [gals] specialize in tearing apart a guy like me if they can. Since i ain't been married and divorced with spread kids women tend to think I am not very worldly.
    Yes, I crave to be tethered to a lover with a cell phone, so I can jump on a cell phone in plain site so everyone will think I am somebody. I feel so dejected when everyone runs to their cell phone and I have no one to call up immediately as I emerge from a building.
    Your all right abnnurse, just be cool and go easy on yourself. Cry if you want to, anytime you want. Get it out. People as you know do care.
  12. by   colleen10
    Dear ADN,

    If his family didn't like you just because you were not of the same religion then you certainly made out better on the deal. Just remember that you don't need to be around small minded people like that. If they made that into such a big deal could you imagine "holidays, birthdays, and vacations" with them? EEEKKK!

    I am really urging you to speak with that doctor in your clinic. Don't be worried about being on medication if that is what is needed. I can say from my experience that while I took Paxil the transition from being depressed and anxious to being myself was short and steady. I only took the medication for about 2 months and then lowered my dosage over a few weeks til I didn't need it any more. At no time was I dependent on it but I was certainly better for it.

    There are so many types of medications out there and different ways to work out the dosages that your doctor will really be able to work with you and what will work best for you.

    Take care and let us know how you do.

    Colleen
  13. by   Jenny P
    I had several relationships that went sour on me, then swore off men and started to take classes that I was interested in- an art course at the local college, a furniture refinishing course and a calligraphy course, both through adult ed. I'd decided that I would be married to my career, after all, I was 25 and there weren't many decent eligible men around that age any more! Guess what? Once I stopped looking so hard (and wasn't so "desperate"), I met several single, decent and eligible men who were interested in me, and I was interested in 2 of them; I've been married now to one of them for 28 years (my dear hubby - the one who could COOK!). I understand the loneliness, but the anxiety and depression need professional help to allow you to grow and blossom into a whole and complete person.
    Take care of yourself as you are the most important person in your life. And go for counselling as it may also be what is needed at this time.

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Im so sad.