I want a social life

caliotter3 · Apr 12, 2015

Well-planned days off, PTO? Full fledged week or two week vacations, if enough time accrued? Short term, trade shifts with others and be available for them for in-kind, when you plan family/friend events?

NicuGal, MSN, RN · Apr 12, 2015

You just have to find a balance. And yes, you miss out on stuff, but it come with territory. Make plans for your weekends off and remind friends and family you have work weekends, so if they are planning something to try to keep you in mind :)

RN403, BSN, RN · Apr 12, 2015

I can empathize. Trying to find this balance myself!

allnurses Guide · Apr 12, 2015

Everyone in every profession has to miss out on things at one time or another. The first step in work/life balance is to get good with the fact that you cannot be at every social event every single time and then to truly savor those times you do get to be present. This is harder when you are young than when you get a bit older and the urge to go-go-go settles down a little bit. Here are my suggestions:

Be willing to go do things after you get off work, even if you have to work the next day. Just let everyone know you need to leave by 10ish (as an example).

Ask your friends/family to let you know stuff as far in advance as possible so you can plan days off, switch with another nurse (be sure to return the favor though!) or rearrange your schedule.

Adjust your expectations. You aren't going to get to do everything. Arrange to be off for the super important stuff but recognize some of your super important stuff is also your coworkers super important stuff (ie: holidays) and you will still have to compromise. Same with Friday/Saturday/Sunday off.

Initiate social gatherings on week days. You don't have to stay out late to reconnect, so be willing to meet your friends/family halfway. Have dinner together and be done by 10 if they have to work the next day. Ask them to give you the same courtesy when YOU have to work the next day. Meet your bestie/Mom/Dad/boyfriend/girlfriend for lunch at his/her favorite place near her office on a day you are off and she isn't.

Go to your parents (or aunt's or cousin's or brother's or whoever) for dinner on an ordinary week day.

Take up meditation or other activities that will help you get out of the inner mind space of "But I am missing oouuutttt!" Because the realities of nursing will not change, changing your mindset is going to be just as important as finding ways to connect during the time you do get off work. Remember, it isn't just your schedule getting in the way. It is also everyone else's.

Work/life balance isn't just about getting more social time and minimizing work's interruptions on the rest of your life. It is adjusting your mindset, identifying what is most important in life and making those things a priority on the days you DO have off. It is also making time for solitude, eating right, exercising....all things that can be done ANY day of the week. If you are working 12 hour shifts, you are off four days a week. If you are working every other weekend, then you are off every other weekend. It sounds more like a mind adjustment is needed than anything else. Work on not worrying about being left behind, forgotten about, left out, etc. Your family will always be there and so will those who are your real friends. You were likely raised in a world in which having weekends off was considered "normal". You see now there is an entire subsection of society in which this is not the case and these are not small numbers of people. Stop thinking of not being off every single weekend as "abnormal". It isn't. If all your friends are, you will either find out who your real friends are or start making new ones yourself.

I am operating under the assumption that you are a pretty young nurse. If I am wrong, forgive me.

Meriwhen, ASN, BSN, MSN, RN · Apr 12, 2015

I have to admit that this is one reason I like 8s: I still have enough of my day left to do other things. 12s can be draining because they're rarely just 12 hours, but more often 13-14 hours. Then factor in commuting time, time to sleep, time for household responsibilities, and there's precious little free time left.

You may have to accept that on the days you work, you may not really have the time for the social life, or what social life you have on those days may be severely limited. You can't really change it, so accept and plan for that. Schedule the more involved events for your days off.

joanna73, BSN, RN · Apr 13, 2015

I work 8s and I find I don't want to do much of anything with the few hours I have off. Sometimes I hit the gym and run a few errands, but more often I just want to be home. My mindset was much different in my 20's though and I was out all the time.

I've learned that appreciating where you are in life, and valuing the little things makes a huge difference. Enjoy your off days and plan social time within that.

Sometimes having a special event to look forward to can make a difference. I'm bored.....so I decided that next spring I'm going to Asia. Time off is approved. Just knowing I'm getting away has improved my mood.

mmc51264, BSN, MSN, RN · Apr 13, 2015

If you are working 12s, I assume that is 3 days a week, which means you have 4 days off and you get every other weekend off. Plenty of time for a social life.

I work weekends and I have an hour commute each way. I have 2 kids, and, up until recently, was in school (just finished BSN) I just use what time I DO have off wisely.

I hated working 8s because I felt like the 2 days I had off were not enough to do anything but rest.

Jules A, MSN · Apr 13, 2015

I'm guessing the OP is really young? I processed this rite of passage as a teenager when I was working at a fast food restaurant on weekends. While my friends were out partying, having fun and often coming through the drive through I was stuck standing there in a hideous polyester uniform. It sucked but I needed the money and had to accept it. I think it is mostly a matter of maturity and acceptance which will come.

4boysmama · Apr 13, 2015

adjust your expectations of "social life=weekend" and make plans to meet friends on weekday evenings when you're off, or meet for lunch on their lunch break, etc. There's plenty of time in a week for socializing besides friday and saturday nights

RNperdiem, RN · Apr 13, 2015

I don't know if you are young, but social life changes when most of your peers work full time jobs. Things change even more when you have household chores, yard work and need to pay babysitters to go out. Social life will never be like it was in college.

There are a lot of factors in creating a social life. Are you introverted or really outgoing? Will going to mingle-and-greet people events be actually fun, or not?

My sister joined a running group and they arrange their outings well in advance then go out to lunch. This fits in with a full-time job. Some friends volunteer with events that are meaningful to them. Social life in real life often looks different than the Saturday night at the club image.

martymoose, BSN, RN · Apr 13, 2015

accept there is no social life when you are a nurse.