I feel like a bad nurse.
I feel like I am not doing the best by my patients, those of confused/combative/Alzheimer's/dimentia status.
I don't want to go into any details about my patient care, but I find myself anxious lately about taking care of combative patients. Now some of you are probably thinking "well duh, combative patients suck". However this hasn't always been the case with me.
I have had many families tell me I have the "patience of Job" with their families, but lately it just seems like I can't manage combative patients.
Last night a patient started grabbing me when I was attempting to recheck her BP. I looked at her sternly, like you tell a child, and told her not to grab me. Another patients family member walked by and overheard me reprimand the woman and I felt like I was about two inches tall.
The patient did stop hitting me, for a second, but I just can't shake the feeling I am losing patience.
I try to look at them and think of them as they might have been, I try to be calm, smiley, and agree with whatever tangent they are on, but I seem to lose compassion quickly when someone hits me, or tells me I killed their family (like last week).
Maybe I am just worn out this month since it seems the floor is littered with combative patients.
I am not really looking for support or sympathy.
I just don't know some days if I am beating myself up, or letting go of my compassion...which scares me to no end.