I graduated last spring and 3 months after I took the boards I still wasn't able to secure a position as an RN. At the time I was working in a SNF (as an LPN) and I was getting pretty desperate so I started discreetly asking my co-workers if they knew of any job opportunities. Well I hit the jack pot as it turned out that one of my co-workers was a nurse manager at their full-time job. So long story short I finally got a job in a off-site methadone clinic for a large hospital system and I was so happy to have a full-time, benefited, and it's unionized position that I was waking up in the morning pinching myself. I'm computer saavy so I caught on really quickly and my first performance review was glowing. Within the first six months my head nurse was asking me if I had ever considered applying for a head nurse position and when was I going back to school since I am an ADN nurse (though I do have a non-nursing BA).
I'm very flattered by their compliments and I know not to complain in this terrible economy with so many out of work...nurses and non-nurses alike. Believe me when I say that I am thanking God everyday that I am working and able to make ends meet and I feel truly lucky and blessed to have such a good job and good co-workers.
The thing is that....the job is not challenging....at all....in any way.
I've been trying to deny this for a while now and I try to put my best efforts into helping the patients on my caseload. Still, I find the job to be boring at times and I feel cheated. I'm a new RN and I've never got to work the floor for even a day as an RN. I really wanted to be a L&D nurse and figured that would be my path to mid-wifery at some point in the future. Now I'm so far away from where I want to be I could cry. Also, I'm not in my 20s kwim? I have children and I'm married and it seems like my dreams are going to have go the way-side in order to keep working these very stable hours and getting a decent income that allows our family to live decently.
I don't like to complain but I guess I need to vent because I feel a little sad. One of my former class-mates who also happens to be my best-friend told me a few days ago that she is leaving med/surg and she is going to L&D and will also be cross trained for peds and special care nursery. I know better than to let jealously negatively impact a good friendship but I can't lie and deny that I am jealous. When we were in school together she told me a hundred times during our L&D rotation that it was the last place on Earth that she wanted to work in. She only changed her mind after being floated to post-partum while she was doing Med/Surg.
I feel like it's so ironic and un-fair but I know it's not her fault...it's really about me. I feel like I'm being held back in the methadone clinic. I feel like no nurse manager (outside of methadone) will want to hire me if I continue to stay in methadone.
I also don't want to screw over the nurse manger who got me hired. Before the interview she said that if I wasn't going to stay then don't make her put in the effort to get me hired. I haven't been there a year yet and I feel guilty guilty guilty that I want to leave. Even if I do leave eventually I realize that I need to stay at least until I read the 18 month to 2 year mark.
I also want to learn more.
Sigh, I guess I'm just venting and asking how do I act like a grown-up and just accept that this is where I'm at for now? Also, what can I do to make this job more meaningful for me?