Funniest thing a confused pt. has told you...

Diary/Dairy, RN · Feb 3, 2008

Oh my!

I had one confused little old man who reached for me as soon as I came in the room to do my assessment - the CNA was in there and asked him sternly, "What did I tell you yesterday?" To which, he replied flatly, "No handling the merchandise"

He also was fond of turning off the bed exit alarm and wandering down the hallways naked......

He was really concerned because the night shift nurses had taken him to Joe's Crab Shack last night in his hospital bed and he had not paid........

Sometimes it's all about the entertainment!

EmmaG, RN · Feb 3, 2008

One middle-aged man was deep sea fishing off the coast of Florida all night long. Got downright ticked off when I gently suggested he was actually in the hospital. So I simply sold him his bait and went on about my rounds.

Another was fighting the Sandinistas in the jungles of Nicaragua, working his way back home. As the night wore on, he traveled through Central America, into Mexico and crossed the border shortly before his doc came in. By the time I got off shift, he was in town (*thank heavens*) and hitchhiking back to the hospital.

Megsd, BSN, RN · Feb 3, 2008

I was working as a CNA on an alzheimer's unit, and was sitting with a few patients and a male CNA. One of the patients (who everyone called Grandma) was upset at the male CNA all day. Finally at the end of the day, he asked her why she was so upset with him, and she said "Because I am your mother-in-law, that's why!"

GrnHonu99, RN · Feb 3, 2008

One middle-aged man was deep sea fishing off the coast of Florida all night long. Got downright ticked off when I gently suggested he was actually in the hospital. So I simply sold him his bait and went on about my rounds.
Another was fighting the Sandinistas in the jungles of Nicaragua, working his way back home. As the night wore on, he traveled through Central America, into Mexico and crossed the border shortly before his doc came in. By the time I got off shift, he was in town (*thank heavens*) and hitchhiking back to the hospital.

ROFL. Dont you love when you ask your orientation questions and the pt. seriously states-oh we in jamacia.....i say ....look around...does this look like the beach?? Who am I???

At times i wish i was as confused as they bc atleast id be on the beach lol!

Morettia2, BSN, RN · Feb 3, 2008

I had a pt. tell me the other night that Hitler was talking to him through the heating ducts...the pt was going through ETOH and Cocaine withdraw...and to top it off the pt. made sure the the heat was on full blast...I had to keep comming in the room to turn the heat off. I already knew the pt was on w/d precautions..i wouldn't call that funny but disturbing.

EmmaG, RN · Feb 3, 2008

ROFL. Dont you love when you ask your orientation questions and the pt. seriously states-oh we in jamacia.....i say ....look around...does this look like the beach?? Who am I???
At times i wish i was as confused as they bc atleast id be on the beach lol!

Ya gotta admit--- they're certainly having a better (and more interesting) night than we are :)

KrissyPRN · Feb 3, 2008

I work mental health and addictions so there is no end to the interesting things I hear from people. I do not usually work our dementia unit but sometimes I go up there to lend a hand. The orientation questions are usually most interesting. Some patients are there to get their oil changed, others think it is 1936, one pt asked me if I could walk his mail to the post office on my way out, and I always have one ask me if I live there too and can I show him the way back to his house. Some patients think the t.v. is talking to them, or they have a computer chip in their head, and there are others who turn us into cats with two snaps of their fingers.

Hospice Nurse LPN, BSN, RN · Feb 3, 2008

I work in a LTC and one of my female residents has trouble sleeping at night. She'll help the CNA's by pushing their barrels, bringing them briefs, etc. She really enjoys stocking my med cart with cups and straws. She'll fill the water jug, also. I always give her 2 or 3 dollars for helping.

One night her "boyfriend" told me I was working her too hard and that she needed a night off. When I asked him why. He stated, "cause she's pregnant. I knocked her up"! It was all I could do to keep a straight face with that one. :specs:

nightmare, RN · Feb 3, 2008

Night of the full moon we had: one pregnant,about to give birth,one with a pig under the bed and one who kept coming and complaining that there were wet children in her bed and she couldn't lie down!

everthesame, LPN, LVN · Feb 3, 2008

Another nurse had a patient who was a big time drug seeker who was in for an infection. At one point during the night the tech went into the room to get her vitals and then called out for help with a beeping IV pump. Since the patient's nurse was in with a new admit I went in to take a look at it. While I was in there, the patient looked at me and said "I know you. You were in bed with her (the tech) earlier tonight weren't you?"

I had never even been in her room before. I just looked at the tech and then looked at the patient and told her "No, I wasn't in your room earlier and while the tech and I are friends, we aren't that friendly." :icon_roll

Roseyposey · Feb 3, 2008

Upon touching a confused, combative little old man's hip (to give im Haldol), he says (about my hand), "There is something in this world colder than your heart."