Did I keep my composure...too well?

[Tait, MSN, RN]

I am going to make this story short, because I can't stand to think about it anymore.

Last night I had a patient, in for cardiac, but exhibiting classic DT/ETOH withdrawl symptoms. Odd thing is his "DT's" really had only shown (i.e confusion, hallucinations) at night. He was antsy during the day, but lucid and had been receiving Ativan through the day as well as at night.

He had exhibited signs of confusion and inappropriate behavior early in the night, about 2300. I had politely and quickly explained that asking me to lay in the bed, or trying to hug me was inappropriate. He gave me mumbled sentences and made comments about "how could you be married and be like this". I again explained, very directly his comments were inappropriate and left the room.

For the remainder of the night I kept another nurse with me anytime I had to help him up to the restroom etc.

This morning however the RN with me had to go, and I thought I had it all under control...until his 6'2" frame had me caught between him and the sink. He was very unsteady so I was afraid to move for fear he would fall and he leaned into me and asked for a hug. I stood there frozen attempting to keep my body away from him as he had the gall to kiss my neck.

I told him to stop and redirected him back to bed with a bit of effort.

At the time of the occurrence I was like, "ok at least he didn't hit me" but as I sat at the sink sloshing alcohol on my neck I started to feel bad.

As I recounted the occurrence to my husband I actually started to feel guilty! Like I had done something wrong! I talked it over with my husband and he said "well the problem sometimes with being molested is you feel like you did something wrong, when you didn't do anything wrong".

I just can't shake this creepy feeling, especially when the guy specifically called me in his room at shift change, using the call bell he hadn't used all night to ask me to "lay with me for 30 minutes, nothing will happen".

I just wonder, did my calm, focused demeanor screw me over in this case?

What would any of you have done in my case??

Disgusted,

Tait

[Flare, ASN, BSN]

First of all -stop feeling guilty -you did nothing wrong. The guy proved that he is a total creep. Advise your unit manager or whatever powers that be - you need to be reassigned and he needs to know that this type of behavior will not be tolerated.

Honestly - i would have probably been just as calm. In my mind - i tend to think that people behaving like that are just trying to get a rise out of you (no pun intended there...). It is not your job to fulfill whatever twisted fantasies that this guy has about his nurse coming to "soothe" him.

Chin up, Dolly!

[traumaRUs, MSN, APRN]

I think you handled the situation well. Just curious - are there emergency buzzers in the bathrooms for staff? At one hospital where I work there are and they are very handy.

[Meriwhen, ASN, BSN, MSN, RN]

I don't know if I could have remained as calm as you have, so I applaud your composure. I also don't know that if had you lost it easier, he wouldn't still have tried to kiss you...so I don't think your composure had screwed you over in any way.

You did nothing wrong and you have nothing to feel guilty about IMO; if anything I think you handled it well. And I think you should report what happened to TPTB and request that you are not assigned this patient again if possible.

[AngelfireRN, MSN, RN, APRN]

Well, you did better than me....I'd probably be staring down the barrell of an assault charge (or attempted murder) if that creep had DARED touch me with his hands, let alone his lips! I'd have decked him, kneed him, or let him know in no uncertain manner that that was NOT cool. Then again, I'm REALLY jumpy, so I have a tendency to react like that anyway.

Quit beating yourself up. It wasn't you. Report it. I may be wrong, but is there not a way to press charges for sexual harrassment in this case? Or has our legal system become so convoluted that this idiot would actually get by and YOU receive the reprimand? So, so sorry, girl.

[anonymurse]

An old lesson taught me by a wise old nurse: "Never let a pt get between you and the door."

[iluvdetroit]

It sounds to me like you did everything right. When a patient is in DTs, his behavior is erratic at best, and totally unpredictable. If you had forcefully shoved him away from you and yelled at him, he might have come at you and physically assaulted you, and you could have really been hurt.

Try to put this ugly incident out of your mind if you can, and never allow yourself to be assigned to that patient again. This is one of the yuckiest occupational hazards of being a female nurse, and you have nothing to be sorry or ashamed for. You sound like a caring, wonderful nurse.

[nursemike, ASN, RN]

I'd say you were a victim of sexual assault, and would not be wrong to file charges. But it's often iffy whether the assaillant was culpable. It sure sounds like he knew what he was doing, but that's a hard judgement to make at a distance, and not even always clear cut on the spot.

In any case, I believe you know, consciously, that you were in no way responsible for this attack. I'm aware that women sometimes do blame themselves, on some level, when something like this happens. I can't begin to understand it, so I accept it as one of the ways we're, at least sometimes, different. I suppose it may take an effort of will to accept what you reasoning mind knows and not what some part of you feels, but I feel confident you can. You're a nurse. You have a proven ability to see the facts and think logically.

Obviously, this needs to be reported to your management, and they need to acknowledge their responsibility to protect you from unsafe working conditions. I can imagine there may be some management types who'd prefer to play on that irrational voice and make this appear to be your fault or your failure. I hope that won't be the case for you, but if they even try it, get a lawyer.

Finally, I can't think of any way losing your composure would improve this situation, or many others. You were right to keep your wits about you. You were in a situation where the wrong choice could have allowed things to get much worse. It still wouldn't be your fault, but you are to be commended for your behavior. And I'm real glad it sounds like your husband sees the siituation for what it is. Good for him.

PS. These days poeple apply connotations to the term "victim," that I wouldn't begin to apply to you. Again, you're a nurse. You are, by definition, strong. I just can't think of another term that doesn't sound absurd. "Subject" of sexual assault? "Recipient?" So I'll use "victim," but in a very limited sense, because I'm sure this bozo had no idea who he was messing with.

Peace and love.

[kanzi monkey]

I'm so sorry that happened to you. Of course it's not your fault (there are very few circumstances where it WOULD have been--in fact, there are none)

Can you relax tonight? Go out with hubby, have a glass of wine, comfort food. Watch a happy movie. You should not have to deal with that patient in any way ever again. That is sexual harassment--I'm inclined to think it's an issue for law enforcement. If you feel comfortable reporting it.

Accept hugs from those you love.

Peace Tait.

[Morning-glory]

Charging him with sexual assault will keep you out of his room. Even if it doesn't go anywhere, you cannot be assigned to a patient that has been charged by you. So if the hospital won't accommodate, this might be the way to go. It might even get him off your unit.

What a slimeball. Not your fault. We shouldn't have to put up with this crap.

[Batman24]

You did nothing wrong and handled it well. Please don't spend one more beating yourself up. Make management aware ASAP.

[bill4745, RN]

I admire your ability to stay calm. You probably should have asked to have the patient transferred to another nurse.