Death

Nurses General Nursing

Published

  • by ixchel
    Specializes in critical care.

You are reading page 4 of Death

Stephalump

2,723 Posts

Specializes in Forensic Psych.
Nope, not even a pet.

I've thought about this a lot since I decided to pursue nursing. I have a very fragmented family, so I've always been very untouched by death. My close relatives are all either still living or died when I was quite young, so I wondered if I could handle it. The only childhood pet I ever had was given to the Humane Society when my mother married someone who was allergic to dogs.

Then last year a close friend of mine and her three children were in a car wreck. She passed away on the scene and her 5 year old daughter passed on in the ICU the next day. She was only 25, survived by her 3 and 6 year olds and husband.

It hit me really hard. Obviously the tragedy of the situation was a huge factor, but I also had to grapple with the idea of death for real for the first time. It was extremely tough....honestly, it still can be.

Earlier this month, our family dog got out of the house and was hit by a car. I cried for three days and I'm still not over it. What a PP said is definitely true - we grieve for all family members, regardless of species.

I don't think I'll ever be cavalier about death. I don't believe I'll ever want to work in an area that deals with it directly at a high rate. I'm extremely empathetic and I internalize a lot. Even if I accept death, I still carry the pain of those close to the pt with me. I'm sure it gets easier, but I don't think I'll grow an entirely new personality.

So, anyway, I'm in the same boat, wondering how I'll cope. Time will tell.

ixchel

4,547 Posts

Specializes in critical care.

Steph, may I ask your age? I feel a certain kinship with you. I think we're similar creatures based on our short tenure here at AN.

PlumeriaSun

47 Posts

Specializes in L&D/NICU/Pediatrics.
Death isn't the TV death. Death is as natural as birth. There are deaths that are sadder than others or more traumatic to be a part of....you will cry sometimes, you will be sad sometimes, and sometimes there is a sense of relief that they are released from their tortured existence. There will be times you will cry all the way home.

There are certain deaths that I have never forgotten. They remain forever etched in my mind for one reason or another whether is was horror, sadness, tragedy, the family. Each unique and have meaning....to me. I have even cried with families but when I say cried...... I mean those few tears that slip slowly down your cheeks unchecked because you just can't stop them. That heartfelt, heart wrenching, soul clearing cry has to be saved for your private time. Families will look to you to set the tone or use your strenght to bear the next few hours for they need you as well.

I have been in an ED code while everyone.....while working furiously to save someone....have tears in their eyes and on their cheeks for the sadness, futility, and heart wrenching tragedy of it all. But we continue to do our jobs working furiously to save a life.

I remember the first child I removed from life support when brain death occurred after fighting furiously for a few days to save her life. I will never forget her name, her hair, nor her mothers sadness. I will also not forget that when the coroner came and I had to place her in the coroners bag...when I went to zip it up......I LOST IT! I couldn't do it....I couldn't stop sobbing. My co-workers were stunned, took me from the room and care for her because I couldn't.

Not every death will affect you so strongly. Some areas of the hospital are more prone to the "tragic" and frequency of death. I happen to be all 34 years except for about 6 months critical care and emergency medicine.

It will get better for you.:hug: I won't say easier because it really isn't always "easy". But yoru skin will becime thicker. I was 18 years old when I graduated nursing school. Thre were many things I had neve seen nor done when I began my nursing journey......If you know what I mean:o.

Nursing has taught me a lot about "Faith" and "spirituality" and how I and others find their path to comfort. I have learned amazing traditions and religious customs over the years to from candles, open windows, covering glass to prevent souls from becomming lost, or to celebrate the passing and to assist the grieving of the living. I remember my father in law refusing to leave my mother in law for he feared someone would steal her soul (old country)...so I stayed.

If it's being around a dead body....I remember some aides I used to work with who were particularly "frightened" of the dead, culturally from the Barbary coast or Jamaica for example....and I reminded them it's not the dead you should worry about...it's the living that can hurt you.

Don't worry yourself..when the times comes , hopefully, there will be someone to guide you. If not we're here. ;)

Thank you for sharing. I'm so glad the OP posted this as I too have concerns on how my reaction will be while experiencing a patients death for the first time. Reading all the replies have helped me gain insight, and for this I thank you! :)

Phoenixbyrd

91 Posts

Thank you for sharing. I'm so glad the OP posted this as I too have concerns on how my reaction will be while experiencing a patients death for the first time. Reading all the replies have helped me gain insight, and for this I thank you! :)

Ditto. 2 years ago when I began my prerequisites, my concern with how I would deal with death was the only issue that gave me pause. The responses here have been very instructive. I look forward to sharing my concerns in the future with AN - this community is awesome with its support and advice.

"Can you tell I'm all over the place about this?"

Yes , you are. You cannot possibly know how you are going to react.

Depending on your personal background.. you will view ..and handle death on a personal basis.

I feel I will not be able to support the family, if I break down . I think it's important for them to know I care... however..this is NOT the time for me to cry with them or evaluate my personal issues with death.

This is a crucial time to remain professional.

Specializes in Emergency/Cath Lab.

How did I react...I swear to god I saw the pt lurch upward when I removed their central lines. I was freaked out. I've seen way too many zombie movies to know where that was going.

Stephalump

2,723 Posts

Specializes in Forensic Psych.
Steph, may I ask your age? I feel a certain kinship with you. I think we're similar creatures based on our short tenure here at AN.

I'm 27, and I agree! I'm going to enjoy sharing our experiences through wild and crazy nursing school!

nurseprnRN, BSN, RN

1 Article; 5,114 Posts

another really important concept is this: every death brings back every other death. when your dog dies, you'll have the same feelings as when your grandmother died in some form or other-- the loss, the sadness, the grieving. anticipate this happening again when other deaths arrive at your door, as they inevitably will. this does not mean you have to fear death, because as we all know there are far worse things than death, and we see them every day. it does mean that you have to have an understanding of it, know enough that it does not have to destroy you when you attend a dying person or get that phone call from your cousin.

if you haven't already read the classic kubler-ross "death and dying," get it and read it now. it made all the difference in the world in my practice. i couldn't understand why we were assigned it as students, but it opened eyes and hearts then, and continues to inform my practice and my life.

brainkandy87

321 Posts

Dying and the physical processes associated with it are far more exaggerated in your head than what occurs in reality. The important part is to disconnect yourself from the impact death has on those left behind and instead focus on your job as a nurse of making sure that process occurs as smoothly and painlessly as possible.

K+MgSO4, BSN

1,753 Posts

Specializes in Surgical, quality,management.

I watched my mother die when I was 15 and the nurses did all they could to keep her comfortable. This has turned me into an advocate for a comfortable, peaceful death. I am one of the first to suggest DNR with the docs if I see a pt slowly deteriorate over days and had multiple co morbidities and has voiced a desire.

I am constantly educating grads and students and junior docs re end of life pain relief. The statement that gets them is usually if that was you what would you want?

There is a pt on the ward at the moment that is biting a little close to the bone though. A woman with cancer who has had surgery unrelated to her cancer. I can see myself in her teenage kids. The fear, the worries, the vain hope that she will get better. They know she is dying but as a kid it is hard to grasp.

Coming from an Irish rural upbringing death was a part of life. People were "waked" in their home before the funeral. Refreshments were provided by the neighbours. As a teen I was enlisted to make tea and sandwiches that were served in the room with the coffin. So it became familiar.

As a professional you do not usually have the same emotional involvement. You get upset that they died expected or not and it may play on your mind but it is not the same grief that their,loved ones are experiencing.

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