Dear Nurses: Please Forgive Me - page 2
by CheesePotato 21,414 Views | 63 Comments
Dear floor, ED and ICU nurses, Please forgive me. I know he's dying. I get it. I do. We were told five years. Five years on an outlier and he would be gone. We were told transplant was an option but with the dismal... Read More
- 3Oct 2, '12 by CheesePotatoEsme, your words left me breathless and humbled. My deepest condolences on your loss.To the other magnificent creatures with sweet words, thank you. And thank you for listening.~~CP~~Sent from the devil's plaything, aka, my smartphone; ergo, formatting = crap.
- 8Oct 2, '12 by Jessy_RNWhat a touching script. Thank you so much for sharing. On the other hand, as the bedside nurse, our jobs are truly difficult. The guilt of wanting to be more present and available to you, this same scenario times 3+ per shift, the pain we share with you although in a less intense way, adds up. Ah so many things....
- 2Oct 2, '12 by Esme12 Senior ModeratorQuote from Jessy_RNTherein lies the torture. As nurses ourselves we are all too aware of the nurses dilemma so we hurt a little more sharply inside.What a touching script. Thank you so much for sharing. On the other hand, as the bedside nurse, our jobs are truly difficult. The guilt of wanting to be more present and available to you, this same scenario times 3+ per shift, the pain we share with you although in a less intense way, adds up. Ah so many things....
- 3Oct 2, '12 by Jessy_RNQuote from Esme12YesTherein lies the torture. As nurses ourselves we are all too aware of the nurses dilemma so we hurt a little more sharply inside.
Sometimes, it hurts to just think or wonder how you came across to a grieving family. Just last night, I held a mother crying at her child's poor prognosis (PICU trauma kiddo), while in the next room my other trauma with just an even bleak prognosis, the parents complained about me leaving the door cracked to run in and out between my two pts and they couldn't get quality sleep! The monitors were annoying, my constant presence in their room and pushing buttons on the many drips, perhaps a bit much.
No matter how much I educated the couple, the end result was a complaint to management, because they couldn't sleep well. sigh
Not to mention I was in charge and having to be very available to help my coworkers as well.
Ah the disparity!
- 8Oct 2, '12 by not.done.yet GuideWhen my oldest son was dying in PICU I read his chart every single day. I could so relate to what you said about doing that. I wasn't checking for mistakes or scrutinizing anything, I was trying to absorb what was happening, to face reality so that I could make the best choice on when to discontinue the ventilator and try somehow to say goodbye. It was the only way I found to know what was really going on.
Your dad sounds like an amazing person. Your pain is a testimony to the depth of your love. I am so, so very sorry.
- 2Oct 2, '12 by mindlorHey guys,
I am a floor nurse at an LTAC so I run into this situation on a daily basis.
I have been the nurse and I have been the family member. Both sides of the fence you know?
In my mind, I dont see how a loving family member can watch their loved one suffer and struggle just to breath. The quality of life is zero, probably even a negative number.
I know it is hard, but many times the best possible outcome for a patient is death. I advocate for my patients and I am not shy about discussing CMO and DNR with the families. Of course I am kind and caring and gentle but I do my best to help the families let go and to help my patients be free of their suffering.....
Hugs to all, I know it is hard, but please if you love someone but their best interests at the forefront......
- 5Oct 2, '12 by RNperdiemThanks for the article. Sometimes it is good to hear from the difficult family member's point of view, especially the ones who are not coping well.
Ironically, it is the family members with the good coping skills who get the lion's share of support from the staff. The families who say "thank you so much for all the care you gave our son" even when their hearts are broken are the ones who the nurses take extra time to listen to.
Even a very tolerant person like myself tends to avoid spending much time in the rooms where the atmosphere is thick with tension. Just this weekend I had a family conflict (wife v/s girlfriend and daughter v/s daughter). I did what I had to with the patient and got out. I think the stress and arguments affected the patient, the very person these ladies were supposed to be helping. This leads to the cycle of the family who senses the nurse is doing the minimum and gets more demanding, causing the nurse to withdraw more.