Bathing a 7 y/o - page 5

Dear All, I have a 7 y/o daughter who sees her dad once every two to three months. He picks her up on Saturday and drops her back off on Sunday. She has a shower the morning of the day she goes... Read More

  1. by   CCU NRS
    Quote from Nurse2be
    Dear All,

    I have a 7 y/o daughter who sees her dad once every two to three months. He picks her up on Saturday and drops her back off on Sunday. She has a shower the morning of the day she goes to visit him; but he insists that she needs a shower the next morning too. Not only does she have dry skin, she expresses that she doesn't like to take a shower while she's with him. I typically give her a shower every 2 to 3 days. Am I showering my daughter too infrequently? Just curious how often you all bathe your kiddos. I've asked him to please not give her a shower while she's with him - and he's insisting that he'll need a doctor's note to that effect if that's what I want to happen.

    Anyhow - thanks in advance for any input.

    Emily
    I did not read the entire thread but I will just ask why she doesn't shower herslf? My chidren did their own shower or bath from about 5/6 both daughters.

    On a more serious note I think you should have a very long serious talk with your daughter to be sure her father is not molesting her. I know it sounds horrible and it may be nothing but it does happen. I unfortunately know from experience my daughters were molested at a very young age by their father (my step-daughters)He is in prison now after being caught molesting his new wifes 2 year old yes not a typo two years old in the shower, this was how he kept it from his wife the daughter was told they were just showering.
  2. by   mom-student
    In reply to Lanitra, my son has eczema, and I would rather take my ped's. advice and bathe him every few days, instead of constantly using a prescription cream. I have 3 other children and we have always have given them a bath every 2-3 days. Our ped. actually recommends the less frequent bathing. She say's that you are stripping away too many natural oils, and that children can be too "clean" . I'm sorry to hear that you have eczema as well, I am really hoping that my little guy outgrows it.
    Last edit by mom-student on Apr 10, '04
  3. by   kids
    Quote from Nurse2be
    I finally was able to get my daughter to talk to me about it - and she said she doesn't really know why it bothers her - she just doesn't like to take a shower when she's with her dad. There is no particular reason. This conversation would have been the perfect opportunity for her to tell me of anything inappropriate going on. Apparently, he is trying to be respectful of her modesty, because she washes her own hair (she needs help with hair at home - it's very long).

    Her dad writes back that they get sweaty and dirty when she's with him. So I can't argue with that. If she gets sweaty/dirty when she's with me, she gets bathed.
    I am really glad you have some resolution.
    I suspected her discomfort was more a modesty/comfort level in a "strange place" issue rather than molestation as you didn't indicate any resistance on her part to go to visitation (heck, I am 40 and hate to shower anywhere other than my own bathroom).

    Quote from Nurse2be
    I think the crux of the problem is that she sees him so infrequently and he is more like a stranger than a father. Our court order states that he should be coming here once a month and I there once a month (he lives 5 hours away). Because he demonstrates so little interest (has called only once in the past year and sees her on an average once every two months), I have not taken her there in almost two years.
    Not to be a complete witch (my husband is a non-custodial father) but I will be. I don't expect you to respond but please ask yourself:
    Is seeing her dad every 2 months really beneficial for her?
    Is it actually doing anything to foster their father/daughter relationship?
    Do the visits disrupt her routine? Does she have trouble settling in when she is back home? Is she interested in going, does she look forward to their visits?

    I am asking you to consider these things because she is approaching an age where she should be allowed choose to go or not. Contrary to popular belief 12yo is not a magic number, Family Court usually bases honoring the childs wishes on the level of maturity.
  4. by   CCU NRS
    I am still not certain about the molestation issue, the father of my step-daughters showed little interest in them either only when he wanted contact, he would be very sporadic, I would ask her point blank if her father does anything at all inappropriate and explain that just because he is her biological father he has no right to touch her in private areas and she does not have to keep any secrets he may tell her would get her in trouble or anything she feels is not right for him to do. I had trouble even getting my daughter at 13 to abmit these things and this was after her father had been imprisoned, my 15 year old is still repressing but I have no doubt that he molested her as well she has psychological problems that stem from the molestation that are just too obvious to be anything else.
  5. by   nurseunderwater
    yea! so glad to hear that she is open to talking w/ you about the whole shower thing....my kids are all under 6 - all boys - and i haven't had to face the modesty thing yet....

    good work mama! she's lucky to have you
  6. by   uk_nurse
    i have 3 young boys and they bath every day, so does my hubby and myself.Sweat on the skin causes oder so its important to keep clean, also if skin is dirty infections can set in especially if there are any cuts. A good moisturiser after baths if u get dry skin helps. I couldnt imagine not bathing every day no matter whether its winter, spring, summer or Autumn.
  7. by   skanded
    I am glad to hear you feel better about the situation. I hope everything is truly ok and things get better.
  8. by   LilStudent
    I hope things work out for the best.
  9. by   jemb
    Emily, I hope you are correct in believing that this has been resolved. However, I'm still concerned about your daughter's situation.

    Two things struck me as odd, still. Maybe I see them as odd because of my own experience, and no one else will see any reason for suspicion from these things , but...

    First, in your original post, you indicated that her father insisted on a doctor's note if she was not to get a shower while visiting him. Then as soon as you get the doctor's note, he 'changes the rules', by saying that she gets dirty and sweaty when she's with him. If that is the case, why did he not tell you that to begin with instead of requiring a note from the doctor?

    And second, if she gets that dirty and sweaty with him, why doesn't she shower before she goes to bed? Why would he let her go to bed dirty and then shower in the morning? Doesn't make sense to me.
    Last edit by jemb on Apr 11, '04
  10. by   scrubs70
    Quote from jemb
    Emily, I hope you are correct in believing that this has been resolved. However, I'm still concerned about your daughter's situation.

    Two things struck me as odd, still. Maybe I see them as odd because of my own experience, and no one else will see any reason for susicion from these things , but...

    First, in your original post, you indicated that her father insisted on a doctor's note if she was not to get a shower while visiting him. Then as soon as you get the doctor's note, he 'changes the rules', by saying that she gets dirty and sweaty when she's with him. If that is the case, why did he not tell you that to begin with instead of requiring a note from the doctor?

    And second, if she gets that dirty and sweaty with him, why doesn't she shower before she goes to bed? Why would he let her go to bed dirty and then shower in the morning? Doesn't make sense to me.
    Excellent Points, I must admit this situation is definitely not sitting comfortably with me.
  11. by   NotReady4PrimeTime
    There have been numerous studies indicating that our North American obsession with "cleanliness" is at the root of the upsurge in allergies, atopic skin disorders and drug-resistant organisms. It is possible to be "too clean".

    http://news-service.stanford.edu/new.../research.html
    http://www.bris.ac.uk/news/2002/clean.htm
    http://www.deanesmay.com/archives/007020.html

    My son, who is handicapped and unable to bathe himself, (and who, incidentally, is a transplant recipient and has eczema) is put in the tub, where he is showered and not soaked, every three days. At other times he has his axillae and groin sponged at bedtime. He does not smell, unless he has been incontinent... then he gets a good scrubbing with Sproam. I prefer not to use steroid ointments more than once in awhile on his eczema, because in the long term, frequent use makes things worse by thinning the epidermis. My $.02.
  12. by   J Lynn
    Quote from Nurse2be
    Dear All,

    she expresses that she doesn't like to take a shower while she's with him.
    What concerns me is she doesn't like to shower while she's with him. Why?

    Sorry, I didn't read all the threads. This question was already answered.
    Last edit by J Lynn on Apr 19, '04
  13. by   military girl
    I'm sorry I don't mean to rag on you, but to me it seems that you may have some OCD issues.
    Children, like elderly people, don't have a much moisture in their skins like adults. Overly bathing actually dries out the skin. And lotions don't penetrate the dermis, no matter how good or expensive it is.
    Yes bathing is important, but skin intergity is also. Yes, we all wash our hands before leaving the bathroom. If you don't give your child a bath everyday, it does not make you a bad mom.

close