Bathing a 7 y/o

Gompers, BSN, RN · Apr 9, 2004

Glad to hear that it's just modesty and all that. Heck, when I was her age, I would freak if my dad bathed me, and I saw him everyday! If the only reason she needs assistance during bathing is because of her hair, then that's a very easy solution! Cut it!!! Or else get her a shower cap to use at her dad's house. If not, maybe pull it up into a bun and take a quick bath instead? Just some ideas!

I agree with the posters who say to only bathe 2-3 times per week until puberty. At work, we teach parents to bathe their babies only that often, throughout infancy and childhood. Ex-micropreemies in particular tend to have very dry, itchy, scaly skin. (Our treatment of choice is Cetaphil for bathing, and then Aquaphor on dry patches.) Once a child reaches puberty, I don't really understand how it would be such a challenge to change them to daily bathing. At that point, many boys are getting into sports and notice that they are sweaty, plus they start getting concerned about things like body odor and such. And for pre-teen girls, I would think a trip to Bath & Body Works to get yummy bath supplies would be enough incentive to get her into the tub or shower at least once a day!

DETTA · Apr 9, 2004

Dear All:
I finally was able to get my daughter to talk to me about it - and she said she doesn't really know why it bothers her - she just doesn't like to take a shower when she's with her dad. There is no particular reason. This conversation would have been the perfect opportunity for her to tell me of anything inappropriate going on. Apparently, he is trying to be respectful of her modesty, because she washes her own hair (she needs help with hair at home - it's very long).
Her dad writes back that they get sweaty and dirty when she's with him. So I can't argue with that. If she gets sweaty/dirty when she's with me, she gets bathed.
I think the crux of the problem is that she sees him so infrequently and he is more like a stranger than a father. Our court order states that he should be coming here once a month and I there once a month (he lives 5 hours away). Because he demonstrates so little interest (has called only once in the past year and sees her on an average once every two months), I have not taken her there in almost two years.
I appreciate everyone's input. I rest assured tonight that nothing "bad" is going on. If you have any other input, it is much welcomed.
Sincerely,
Emily

Well done Emily:)

lanitra · Apr 10, 2004

First of all, I am EXTREMELY happy to hear that there is no particular reason that your daughter doesn't want to shower while at her father's. Thank GOD

Ms. Tracy B,

You're correct, I don't have a child with extreme Eczema, I AM THE ONE with it. I use a moisturizing soap (Dove), lots of applications of creme and, also, a steroid creme (during times that it really flairs up). I have been known to use a bit of Vaseline at times and it's very soothing. I can only say what works for me and you can do what you want. One thing that I have found is that whether I take a shower on a day or not, I still have to use cremes, so I may as well be clean in the process. Cleanliness is very important in my home and this is not something that's compromised. You do what works best for you and yours....

Anyway, as I said, I am just so happy to know that this is not another case of sexual abuse. :) :) :)

BittyBabyGrower, MSN, RN · Apr 10, 2004

I came into this discussion late, but my 7 yo doesn't like to shower when Daddy is here either...she is getting modest! I tell her to put a shower cap on her head and then she can shower by herself :) I don't put my DD in the shower everyday either because she has very dry skin and she really isn't doing anything to get dirty in the winter! Now summer is a different thing!

CCU NRS · Apr 10, 2004

Dear All,
I have a 7 y/o daughter who sees her dad once every two to three months. He picks her up on Saturday and drops her back off on Sunday. She has a shower the morning of the day she goes to visit him; but he insists that she needs a shower the next morning too. Not only does she have dry skin, she expresses that she doesn't like to take a shower while she's with him. I typically give her a shower every 2 to 3 days. Am I showering my daughter too infrequently? Just curious how often you all bathe your kiddos. I've asked him to please not give her a shower while she's with him - and he's insisting that he'll need a doctor's note to that effect if that's what I want to happen.
Anyhow - thanks in advance for any input.
Emily

I did not read the entire thread but I will just ask why she doesn't shower herslf? My chidren did their own shower or bath from about 5/6 both daughters.

On a more serious note I think you should have a very long serious talk with your daughter to be sure her father is not molesting her. I know it sounds horrible and it may be nothing but it does happen. I unfortunately know from experience my daughters were molested at a very young age by their father (my step-daughters)He is in prison now after being caught molesting his new wifes 2 year old yes not a typo two years old in the shower, this was how he kept it from his wife the daughter was told they were just showering.

mom-student · Apr 10, 2004

In reply to Lanitra, my son has eczema, and I would rather take my ped's. advice and bathe him every few days, instead of constantly using a prescription cream. I have 3 other children and we have always have given them a bath every 2-3 days. Our ped. actually recommends the less frequent bathing. She say's that you are stripping away too many natural oils, and that children can be too "clean" . I'm sorry to hear that you have eczema as well, I am really hoping that my little guy outgrows it.

kids · Apr 10, 2004

I finally was able to get my daughter to talk to me about it - and she said she doesn't really know why it bothers her - she just doesn't like to take a shower when she's with her dad. There is no particular reason. This conversation would have been the perfect opportunity for her to tell me of anything inappropriate going on. Apparently, he is trying to be respectful of her modesty, because she washes her own hair (she needs help with hair at home - it's very long).
Her dad writes back that they get sweaty and dirty when she's with him. So I can't argue with that. If she gets sweaty/dirty when she's with me, she gets bathed.

I am really glad you have some resolution.

I suspected her discomfort was more a modesty/comfort level in a "strange place" issue rather than molestation as you didn't indicate any resistance on her part to go to visitation (heck, I am 40 and hate to shower anywhere other than my own bathroom).

I think the crux of the problem is that she sees him so infrequently and he is more like a stranger than a father. Our court order states that he should be coming here once a month and I there once a month (he lives 5 hours away). Because he demonstrates so little interest (has called only once in the past year and sees her on an average once every two months), I have not taken her there in almost two years.

Not to be a complete witch (my husband is a non-custodial father) but I will be. I don't expect you to respond but please ask yourself:

Is seeing her dad every 2 months really beneficial for her?

Is it actually doing anything to foster their father/daughter relationship?

Do the visits disrupt her routine? Does she have trouble settling in when she is back home? Is she interested in going, does she look forward to their visits?

I am asking you to consider these things because she is approaching an age where she should be allowed choose to go or not. Contrary to popular belief 12yo is not a magic number, Family Court usually bases honoring the childs wishes on the level of maturity.

CCU NRS · Apr 11, 2004

I am still not certain about the molestation issue, the father of my step-daughters showed little interest in them either only when he wanted contact, he would be very sporadic, I would ask her point blank if her father does anything at all inappropriate and explain that just because he is her biological father he has no right to touch her in private areas and she does not have to keep any secrets he may tell her would get her in trouble or anything she feels is not right for him to do. I had trouble even getting my daughter at 13 to abmit these things and this was after her father had been imprisoned, my 15 year old is still repressing but I have no doubt that he molested her as well she has psychological problems that stem from the molestation that are just too obvious to be anything else.

nurseunderwater · Apr 11, 2004

yea! so glad to hear that she is open to talking w/ you about the whole shower thing....my kids are all under 6 - all boys - and i haven't had to face the modesty thing yet....

good work mama! she's lucky to have you :)

uk_nurse · Apr 11, 2004

i have 3 young boys and they bath every day, so does my hubby and myself.Sweat on the skin causes oder so its important to keep clean, also if skin is dirty infections can set in especially if there are any cuts. A good moisturiser after baths if u get dry skin helps. I couldnt imagine not bathing every day no matter whether its winter, spring, summer or Autumn.

skanded · Apr 11, 2004

I am glad to hear you feel better about the situation. I hope everything is truly ok and things get better.

LilStudent · Apr 11, 2004

I hope things work out for the best.