Balancing Nursing School and a Boyfriend

Nurses General Nursing

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I know that this may not be a life crisis, but decided I would ask fellow nursing students how they would deal with my situation. I am in my first quarter of nursing school, as all of you may know, it is extremely stressful and time consuming. I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 4 years, and throughout the years we have made plans together about our future. I feel that he has been very supportive of me, up until I actually started school. I feel that we are slowly growing apart, which really hurts. I've told him numerous times that my success is his success and that all of my hard work will pay of in the end for our future together. This is something much easier said than done. He tells me all of the time that he feels neglected, and I can't help but feel frustrated that I am not getting any support or understanding from him. I feel like no one knows how I feel, I am torn. I find myself wanting to see him less and less each day (we do not live together). Long ago (when I didn't have to study 24/7) we would spend pretty much all of our time together and would be sad with one day apart. We would be home bodies. I feel that since I've started school his priorities and interests have changed drastically. I am more of a homebody and not interested in clubbing or partying and NOW he is... I don't know what to do anymore... Is it time to give up on my relationship or should I work harder to make it work?? I feel so worn out from school that I don't have any energy for a boyfriend, but I would be lost without him.. What to do?? :crying2:

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you cant be lost without anybody....its your FUTURE...nursing school is very demanding...either you party or you FAIL..choose one....

that boy can be replaced no matter how much u love him...yur future cant..and u aint gettig any younger...sorry to be so blunt about it ...but thats how I feel...

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This might sound harsh but don't expect anyone to understand what a nursing student's life is like.. unless they are living it.. trust me no one can understand it.. so really you can't blame your boyfriend for not understanding...

Secondly: You should have a heart to heart conversation with him (trust me I know it's impossible to find the time.. I'm in my second semester of nursing school) but nursing school should be your number priority unless you're married, have kids, or have to work or something like that. The thing is people who are in school for something else other than nursing, or other medically related fields.. they don't get that what we are learning on a day to day basis is life or death.. each lecture, each lab, each clinical experience.. is teaching us how to keep someone from living or dying.. for the most part... and if your boyfriend doesn't understand.. well then ok.. but he should atleast appreciate it and support your goal and decisions.. that is if he wants to have a future with you.

I have a boyfriend and I know what you're going through.. and in the end you have to get our priorities straight.. be honest with yourself and your boyfriend.. because you cannot afford to have your mind somewhere else when you are in nursing school.. it could mean the end of your nursing career or worse.. someone else's life..

I hope I helped.. and I hope you don't think I've dramatizing everything, but I really don't mean to, but I'm just trying to tell you how I think about things on an almost day to day basis...

If what I've said so far doesn't work.. then I would suggest going to a trusted professor, or to a trusted nursing school friend who also has a boyfriend and she what he/she says..

Hope everything works out!

Good luck! :clown:

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Sorry you're having a rotten time right now.... but the way I see it, it is only the beginning. Trust me, nursing school is not going to get easier. Plus, when life gets harder down the line: when you have serious jobs, when you have kids, when you have big commitments, you are going to need his support. It really comes down to that. Is he choosing to support you or choosing to enjoy the carefree life? Sadly, people change over time, part of that is just growing up. To me, it sounds like you are growing up and he is kinda dragging his heels. :( I think its time to have a serious conversation with him about where you see your future together going.

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So he wants to party now, now that you don't have the time, though he never did before? Interesting.

Dear, your future is YOUR future and no one else's. Do what's right for you, and what you must do to get through nursing school. And if you lose Mister Neglected Cry Baby at any point on this journey, consider yourself lucky (FWIW, sooner would be better than later).

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Specializes in Emergency.

either drop him and give him a chance after school OR make more time for him...it wont work in between

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Honey, you have to do what is right for you, right now...I understand so much what you are going through. My boyfriend and I had been together for 2 years before I went away to nursing school--he was older than I was, and already established in his career--but did get upset that school consumed so much of my time when I went away, and it created tension in the beginning. I did everything I could to make things better, including moving off campus into a studio apartment so that I could isolate myself to devote more of my time to studying and somehow find more of my time for him. Long story short, no matter what I did seemed to matter, because while I eventually finished school, we got engaged, etc...we ended up breaking up a month before the wedding. I'm not saying that it's because of what happened when I was in school--but if I had it to go back and do all over again, I would have made sure that I enjoyed my college years for myself. Granted, nursing school took up 23 of the 24 hours in a day, but I should have and could have spent that other 1 hour in my day doing something to make myself happy instead of making him happy--if he truly loves you and wants his happiness to be your happiness and vice versa, he will be happy for the accomplishment that you are making in school and support you 100%.

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Hi averie! I saw this post and immediately related to your situation. I just graduated from nursing school in December and went through similar struggles with balancing my boyfriend and school. My boyfriend really enjoys going out and spending time with his friends and what not as well. I found that this was actually great because there was less pressure on his end for me to be at home with him all the time. We got into a really good healthy routine where I would stay in the room and study and he would be out in the living room with his buddies or going out. He would come in every hour or so and give me a kiss, and always be supportive. But we both realized he couldn't truly understand what I was going through. Just know that if it is meant to be it will work out. In the end, it is awesome. He is so proud of me and can't believe I am going to be making double what he makes! So just stay strong and try to develop a healthy routine for the two of you!

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Specializes in ortho, hospice volunteer, psych,.

my mother used to say that a great part of becoming a responsible adult was being willing to accept and live with the consequences of your actions. as a type this, i'm quite sure she's looking down cheering and saying, "yes! she really did get it after all!"

this is just one of those times for you. if you party and spend a lot of time with your boy friend instead of being responsible and studying and doing what you know you must do not just to scrape by in nursing school, but to prosper and thrive, it will involve some sacrifice on your end and some give and take on his. if he can't or won't be bothered, he just isn't worth it. keep focused on the ultimate prize.

if you slack off with your studies, you will live with the consequences of those actions for a long long time.

kathy

shar pei mom:paw::paw:

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Specializes in M/S, MICU, CVICU, SICU, ER, Trauma, NICU.

It's simple: GET OUT.

My very good friend is supporting her future husband through med school; and he is very supportive of her as she goes through law school.

They are on the same page--so into getting their education done and planning a future TOGETHER.

When your BF starts to impede your progress, time to toss.

Girl, you have plenty of time for the fish in the sea and I wouldn't waste my time on a loser.

But...that's just me.

I like myself too much to sacrifice even one tear on a BF, and anyone who bugs the **** out of me...well, there is no room for that crap. Life is TOOOOOOO short.

Something I'm teaching my kids too.....

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Sorry you're experiencing this.

IMO, last thing you need during nursing school & putting your future & security first is someone who's supposed to stick by you but doesn't understand & makes this time more stressful for you instead.

I was in a relationship for 10 years with someone who never cared to focus on such things, spent all their time partiyng, never understanding my wants/needs in life for a better future, and that in a relationship it's a two-way st. & effort.

Came to the conclusion he was never going to grow up & see the big picture & have been out of that one for almost two years now.

I might not have been able to go this route I'm so gung-ho about now in that relationship for everything that was wrong in it towards the end. It would have hindered my success, imo.

And I'm glad I haven't jumped into anything too serious with the one I'm very into (mutually) now. He's the person most lke me I've ever known & we're both taking our main time right now to focus on ourselves in the same ways with our self goals, and hang out when we can.

But if it did happen to get deeper & more time consuming with me going through nursing school, I'd expect he'd be the type to understand & support my hard efforts & aspirations.

You deserve that. Everyone does in a partner.

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YOU take care of YOU. As a newly divorced mom, I did not heed this advice until I was forced to take care of my current and future self thus why I am starting nursing school this fall. I have already cleared my life in the next two years of having dating (probably much longer than that because I have no interest in dating anyone ever again.. lol) because school is going to consume every moment of my life and i know it. If the BF can't hang, then he isn't worth the time to be bothered with. Cut him free and if he is still available and you are still interested after school, give him a buzz then.

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