I'm going to work in a couple of hours. I have done something I feel very guilty about and can't stop thinking about it.
I have been off work for a few months because my epilepsy went out of control. This is my 4th week back. I have been gradually building up my days so not back to my full hours yet.
Up until now, I have been open and honest with my manager who has been so supportive. But, on Friday gone, things came to a head for me.
I take a tablet, lamictal at 6pm and by 8pm get slightly drowsy but able to function still, but slower and can only concentrate on one thing at a time. On Friday I was so frustrated by it and almost started crying but refused to cry and became consumed with rage. It was quiet so I left half an hour early. if I stayed a minute longer I would have exploded. I just couldn't take it anymore.
So, I stopped taking the tablet. A couple of people know at work but I haven't told the manager, nor have I told her about Friday. I am working today and the weekend. I see my Neurologist on Monday.
I feel so guilty for lying to her, I told her I didn't get drowsy anymore so she gave me another shift.
From 2pm to 8pm I am fine and can do 100 things at once and it's like it used to be before I got sick. But my shift hours can't be changed, they don't fit in the roster. I need the money, I don't want to leave where I work but god, I feel so guilty, it's eating me up.
Do I say something today or just wait till I see the neuro on Monday. I can't look at her in the eye.